Forced into a "Healing Circle"

[Anonymous]

My small non-profit collaborates with another. Long story, short - one of their employees who is junior to me and supports my work when I am on the ground there sent an email to my team with directives around some next steps. I responded that I was open to modifying next steps, but that there would need to be a process for deciding that - including hearing the voices of the clients - and once decided, I would communicate with my team myself.

She felt that her "feedback" was rejected, and I was focused more on process than content. She shared that with her boss who then shared it with mine. My boss called me and explained that the other colleague is feeling unheard, and I acknowledged that I could see how that happened, and that I would call her and sort it out. I was asked not to call her [we never communicated again after the two message email exchange], and I was told that their organization wanted a facilitated call. That is outside of our organizational practices which say that we have to try and solve problems directly with the people affected before escalating. Anyway, the facilitated call was insisted upon, and I agreed.

And then, today, I got an email from someone else in their organization inviting me to a "healing circle" and asking that I fill out a form with my I-statements and talking about how we were going to get together in a safe space to discuss issues that are "causing harm."

WTF??? I feel like I am being forced into this, and I absolutely do not want to do it. I just simply want to say, "no thank you."

I am wondering about asking my boss directly what would be the consequences if I just refuse to do it. She agrees that it is weird and asking a lot but thinks I should just "go with the flow."
Important to add, I am older and white and the person who wants the circle is younger and Latina. I feel a lot of risk to my reputation here no matter what I do.

HELP!?

[Anonymous]

I would respond along the lines of, “no.” Maybe punctuate it with a “you’ll get over it” and “not all opinions are valid in the workplace.”

And pull rank.

Done and done.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I am so sorry. I would respond that I am looking forward to the facilitated call, but unfortunately cannot address the questionnaire due to work priorities.

[Anonymous]

OP? I’m trying to decide if this is tongue in cheek or your creative writing exercise. Did you mean to post this instead in the current thread about “office speak”?

The buzzwords and corporate speak are awful.

[Anonymous]

Go into it with an open mind. You might learn something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP? I’m trying to decide if this is tongue in cheek or your creative writing exercise. Did you mean to post this instead in the current thread about “office speak”?
The buzzwords and corporate speak are awful.

IDK, reading this in the same week as Trader Joe's label petition somehow felt ... right. Just another sign of the times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP? I’m trying to decide if this is tongue in cheek or your creative writing exercise. Did you mean to post this instead in the current thread about “office speak”?

The buzzwords and corporate speak are awful.

No, this is real! I get why you might think that. I am trying not to give too much info about our industry and also make it understandable.
Facilitated call and "healing circle" and organizational practices - if those are the buzz words bothering you - are completely, legitimately in use here.

[Anonymous]

Omg. O. M. G. If this is where the world is headed, I want out.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I am so sorry. I would respond that I am looking forward to the facilitated call, but unfortunately cannot address the questionnaire due to work priorities.

This is good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg. O. M. G. If this is where the world is headed, I want out.

Different poster here:
This seems like a good way to nudge Boomers into retirement.

[Anonymous]

This sounds awful, OP. But unless you want to run the risk of this being your hill to die on, I’d play along. Check your job description/ work requirements to see if they say anything about “communicates with colleagues,” or “contributes to positive atmosphere” etc. if so, they could use those to penalize you for not going along. I’m not saying it’s likely, esp since this person is outside your org, but it’s possible.

Maybe I would try to redirect at the circle. Try to get them to focus on actual work and tangible effects (if any), not just feelings. I’d also set limits for the circle thing. Say upfront that you only have fifteen minutes, and you want a very clear objective in mind, even if it’s just making the person “feel heard” (ick), so once that’s over you can say, mission accomplished, were done here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. O. M. G. If this is where the world is headed, I want out.

Different poster here:
This seems like a good way to nudge Boomers into retirement.

I’m the OMG poster and I’m a millennial. A proper liberal arts college one too. And even I know this is BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds awful, OP. But unless you want to run the risk of this being your hill to die on, I’d play along. Check your job description/ work requirements to see if they say anything about “communicates with colleagues,” or “contributes to positive atmosphere” etc. if so, they could use those to penalize you for not going along. I’m not saying it’s likely, esp since this person is outside your org, but it’s possible.

Maybe I would try to redirect at the circle. Try to get them to focus on actual work and tangible effects (if any), not just feelings. I’d also set limits for the circle thing. Say upfront that you only have fifteen minutes, and you want a very clear objective in mind, even if it’s just making the person “feel heard” (ick), so once that’s over you can say, mission accomplished, were done here!

This is good advice. You have to do it (sorry).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds awful, OP. But unless you want to run the risk of this being your hill to die on, I’d play along. Check your job description/ work requirements to see if they say anything about “communicates with colleagues,” or “contributes to positive atmosphere” etc. if so, they could use those to penalize you for not going along. I’m not saying it’s likely, esp since this person is outside your org, but it’s possible.

Maybe I would try to redirect at the circle. Try to get them to focus on actual work and tangible effects (if any), not just feelings. I’d also set limits for the circle thing. Say upfront that you only have fifteen minutes, and you want a very clear objective in mind, even if it’s just making the person “feel heard” (ick), so once that’s over you can say, mission accomplished, were done here!

This is good advice. You have to do it (sorry).

Thus is OP, and I agree this is good advice. Thinking that I have to do it makes me want to throw up.

[Anonymous]

I would be unable to work for an organization that treats me like a child...and uses nonsense words. Quit!