When someone contacts you about being excluded from social events

[Anonymous]

Left Out Mom is dodging a bullet and doesn’t even know it.

OP, you know All The Neighborhood Moms But One Hangout Club talks crap about you behind your back too, right? Oh honey.

[Anonymous]

LOLing at “Shame on you”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why it would be a big deal to invite someone to a drive by party.

I could understand not inviting someone to a real party. But ffs to a drive by? In the same neighborhood? Does it have to be exclusive?

Couldn’t you say to the organizer, do you mind if Larla joins us?

What a f**ing mean group of people you are.

And I don't understand why the excluded friend can't contact the people who actually did exclude her, directly, vs. trying to manipulate OP into being her personal friend concierge.

What you also might not understand is that some people do, in fact, have legitimate reasons for not wanting to associate with someone. Like me with my neighbor who made horrible racist remarks about our mutual acquaintance, who is biracial, in front of my children. I will not being inviting racist people to any of my events, ever, even if it is a drive-by birthday party. And that is exactly none of your business. Just as it is none of OP's business whether her other friend had some type of reason for not inviting the "excluded friend."

Do you get it?

Of course you understand why. Maybe she's shy? Nervous? Has anxiety? Is trying (until now at least) not to bring it up to the whole group due to fear of being shot down? There are many, many reasons why she did this.

And your example, above, is really not relevant here. There is nothing to suggest that happened. Just a woman and her son trying to fit in, however awkwardly, and not being permitted to do so b/c OP and her friend seem not very nice, frankly.

OP, I don't understand why it is so freaking hard for you to have a conversation, in person or not by text, about the situation. Tell her you don't want to be her go between. But also tell her that elevating things -which she did at your urging- is not helping. But, that you will do your best to include her. And then do it. You're overcomplicating what should have been a few easy ways to include a woman looking for friends. Shame on you.

"Shame" on the OP for: inviting this woman everywhere, organizing her social plans, and driving her to and from events?? Yeah, she sounds like a horrible person. What do you expect of your friends -- do they need to pay for your meal and massage your feet at the restaurant, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Left Out Mom is dodging a bullet and doesn’t even know it.

OP, you know All The Neighborhood Moms But One Hangout Club talks crap about you behind your back too, right? Oh honey.

Unlike you, a kind, inclusive Non-Mean Girl who sarcastically calls another woman "honey" to be dismissive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why it would be a big deal to invite someone to a drive by party.

I could understand not inviting someone to a real party. But ffs to a drive by? In the same neighborhood? Does it have to be exclusive?

Couldn’t you say to the organizer, do you mind if Larla joins us?

What a f**ing mean group of people you are.

And I don't understand why the excluded friend can't contact the people who actually did exclude her, directly, vs. trying to manipulate OP into being her personal friend concierge.

What you also might not understand is that some people do, in fact, have legitimate reasons for not wanting to associate with someone. Like me with my neighbor who made horrible racist remarks about our mutual acquaintance, who is biracial, in front of my children. I will not being inviting racist people to any of my events, ever, even if it is a drive-by birthday party. And that is exactly none of your business. Just as it is none of OP's business whether her other friend had some type of reason for not inviting the "excluded friend."

Do you get it?

Of course you understand why. Maybe she's shy? Nervous? Has anxiety? Is trying (until now at least) not to bring it up to the whole group due to fear of being shot down? There are many, many reasons why she did this.

And your example, above, is really not relevant here. There is nothing to suggest that happened. Just a woman and her son trying to fit in, however awkwardly, and not being permitted to do so b/c OP and her friend seem not very nice, frankly.

OP, I don't understand why it is so freaking hard for you to have a conversation, in person or not by text, about the situation. Tell her you don't want to be her go between. But also tell her that elevating things -which she did at your urging- is not helping. But, that you will do your best to include her. And then do it. You're overcomplicating what should have been a few easy ways to include a woman looking for friends. Shame on you.

NP. We have a boy on our neighborhood who pulled my daughters pants and underwear down at school during recess. I am cordial, always, to his parents. But do you think I'm going to invite that little shit to wave at my daughter on her birthday?

You don't know the other parents reasons. Or maybe she legitimately, honestly forgot about someone with whom she is not particularly close.

Life happens. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These boards often seem to bring out "projection" tendencies in people, who extrapolate situations and ascribe behaviors to the OP that have no relevance to their posts or questions. Insults also often get hurled. It's a fascinating psychological phenomenon.

Who on earth would invite someone else to another person's child's birthday party?? It's beyond rude.

But it wasn't really a birthday party. Didn't cost the birthday child's mother any money. It's literally driving by (on public roads). I can't imagine the birthday child would be ticked off by an additional child waving from the car and wishing them a happy birthday.

Of course not. But do you see the strange social dynamics that the "outsider" mom is foisting upon one person? She's saying, every time an event happens, I appoint you to be the messenger and to invite me. It puts the OP in a very odd position. The onus was on the birthday child's parent to be more inclusive, if she so chose. But honestly, you cannot invite everyone to everything. The mom probably invited the kids in her child's circle...

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why it would be a big deal to invite someone to a drive by party.

I could understand not inviting someone to a real party. But ffs to a drive by? In the same neighborhood? Does it have to be exclusive?

Couldn’t you say to the organizer, do you mind if Larla joins us?

What a f**ing mean group of people you are.

And I don't understand why the excluded friend can't contact the people who actually did exclude her, directly, vs. trying to manipulate OP into being her personal friend concierge.

What you also might not understand is that some people do, in fact, have legitimate reasons for not wanting to associate with someone. Like me with my neighbor who made horrible racist remarks about our mutual acquaintance, who is biracial, in front of my children. I will not being inviting racist people to any of my events, ever, even if it is a drive-by birthday party. And that is exactly none of your business. Just as it is none of OP's business whether her other friend had some type of reason for not inviting the "excluded friend."

Do you get it?

Manipulate? So asking to be included in things is manipulation now? GMAFB.

No, it wouldn't be manipulation to GO TO THE PERSON WHO HOSTED THE EVENT to ask to be included.

Asking another guest to get involved is, indeed, trying to manipulate and use someone to do something you are too inept to do yourself.

Direct communication. Don't involve others. You give ME a break. Grow up and manage your own social dynamics. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say, "The host of the party invited the guests. It wasn't my place to invite you. I'm curious as to why you would think that I should invite you to someone else's party?" That said, if the whole crew knows she wants to be invited and is posting it on social media then they are being mean girls. Also, don't pretend it's about the kids getting along. At two, it's about the moms.

This wxactly. It’s about the moms. Kids can be influenced to get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Left Out Mom is dodging a bullet and doesn’t even know it.

OP, you know All The Neighborhood Moms But One Hangout Club talks crap about you behind your back too, right? Oh honey.

Oh, dear.

[Anonymous]

It may be an organic thing- who hangs out with who/what kids hit it off... but something tells me that her neediness is palpable and a turnoff to others. I'd just reply that I'd invite her to my events but don't feel comfortable inviting her to other peoples events- that's not how things work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she wants invites from others she needs to invite others to something she organizes and then hope that the mean girls reciprocate.

THEY ARE NOT MEAN

Says the mean girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone can't be friends with everyone. The excluded mom is going to have to find her niche.

She can’t find her niche in an f’in pandemic.

How difficult is it to include all the neighborhood kids in a car parade that goes by everyone’s houses including the one kid who is not invited to participate?

Down right mean. Mean girls personified as adults.

[Anonymous]

She's asking for a pity invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone can't be friends with everyone. The excluded mom is going to have to find her niche.

She can’t find her niche in an f’in pandemic.

How difficult is it to include all the neighborhood kids in a car parade that goes by everyone’s houses including the one kid who is not invited to participate?

Down right mean. Mean girls personified as adults.

You’re out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone can't be friends with everyone. The excluded mom is going to have to find her niche.

She can’t find her niche in an f’in pandemic.

How difficult is it to include all the neighborhood kids in a car parade that goes by everyone’s houses including the one kid who is not invited to participate?

Down right mean. Mean girls personified as adults.

It sent too soon. You’re out of line to tell the OP to take over another person’s birthday party, invite the whole neighborhood (um what?), and drive by every child’s house, not the just the birthday kid? You’re calling her mean for not staging a town-wide parade? And she should have done this...due to the fact that there’s a pandemic? Uh. That is pretty unrealistic.