When someone contacts you about being excluded from social events

[Anonymous]

I am a pp, but have another question. What has “ left out” mom done for the group other than the birthday gifts? Does she organize get togethers For kids or adults or have people to her home? Has she done any hosting?

[Anonymous]

Okay so I've read through, and I don't think you're at fault OP.

I'm the left out one. I have always been. I'm introverted and anxious.

You've made a reasonable effort, by inviting her places, taking her places, mentioning her to the group when planning events. It's nice of you to do these things and to facilitate conversations at events like " 's into photography as well or whatever. to help break the ice. However, Yiu can't be her baby sitter.

She can't expect you to make friends for her. She's got to do some work herself. In reality, she needs therapy to deal with her anxiety and insecurity. I've been there.

You can set some boundaries to help her. Such as she needs to address her issues directly to those people. You can't invite her to other people's events. You can bring her to the party, but you're staying until it's done so she'll have to find other arrangments home if she wants to leave early

My other bit of advice is because I've been there too is to really evaluate this group of friends and how inclusive and nice they truly are. If you all really are welcoming and want to know her I suggest maybe a more hands-on activity like bowling or something.

[Anonymous]

I have literally read all 15 pages of this old post.

Conclusion:
OP is a mean girl with bad social skills themselves. She specifically talks about 2 occasions the most, but clearly there are larger neighborhood get-togethers. All she has to do is say, "Oh, hey, let's get neighbor and son over to join us!" She also doesn't realize that her actions now will likely let her down in the future. That being said, I wish neighbor lady said idgaf about your douchey-ness and lived happily ever after with real friends.

Man, I really hate people on a power trip being mean but they always fall. It takes a miserable person to be like that in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have literally read all 15 pages of this old post.

Conclusion:
OP is a mean girl with bad social skills themselves. She specifically talks about 2 occasions the most, but clearly there are larger neighborhood get-togethers. All she has to do is say, "Oh, hey, let's get neighbor and son over to join us!" She also doesn't realize that her actions now will likely let her down in the future. That being said, I wish neighbor lady said idgaf about your douchey-ness and lived happily ever after with real friends.

Man, I really hate people on a power trip being mean but they always fall. It takes a miserable person to be like that in the first place.

Huh? Do you invite people over to parties at other people's house? Not her party, not her place to do so...even if her friend's feelings get hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have literally read all 15 pages of this old post.

Conclusion:
OP is a mean girl with bad social skills themselves. She specifically talks about 2 occasions the most, but clearly there are larger neighborhood get-togethers. All she has to do is say, "Oh, hey, let's get neighbor and son over to join us!" She also doesn't realize that her actions now will likely let her down in the future. That being said, I wish neighbor lady said idgaf about your douchey-ness and lived happily ever after with real friends.

Man, I really hate people on a power trip being mean but they always fall. It takes a miserable person to be like that in the first place.

Huh? Do you invite people over to parties at other people's house? Not her party, not her place to do so...even if her friend's feelings get hurt.

+1 So strange that the person needed to revive this. OP did nothing wrong, but I would have distanced myself from the mom. It's not OPs job to invite mom to other people's birthday parties or gatherings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have literally read all 15 pages of this old post.

Conclusion:
OP is a mean girl with bad social skills themselves. She specifically talks about 2 occasions the most, but clearly there are larger neighborhood get-togethers. All she has to do is say, "Oh, hey, let's get neighbor and son over to join us!" She also doesn't realize that her actions now will likely let her down in the future. That being said, I wish neighbor lady said idgaf about your douchey-ness and lived happily ever after with real friends.

Man, I really hate people on a power trip being mean but they always fall. It takes a miserable person to be like that in the first place.

Are you OK? You dragged up a 2-year-old-thread to offer a “conclusion” about someone you have never met? Whatever is bothering you or threatening your mental health, I hope you get well soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ignore

I would ignore also and let this friendship fade. She isn’t a good friend. She sounds needy with issues.

[Anonymous]

This post is now over 4 years old, but honestly it’s relevant because stuff like this happens all the time. In the past 4 years I’ve seen a friend group like this blow up in my neighborhood, and the forming of a new group led by two new queen bees. I’d love OP to come back and give an update. As kids get older, these parent/mom cliques matter less and less because kids make their own friends. Also, during 2020 and 2021, worlds shrank and many of us spent a lot more time around neighbors and neighborhood friends. Looking back, I wish I personally hadn’t done that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have literally read all 15 pages of this old post.

Conclusion:
OP is a mean girl with bad social skills themselves. She specifically talks about 2 occasions the most, but clearly there are larger neighborhood get-togethers. All she has to do is say, "Oh, hey, let's get neighbor and son over to join us!" She also doesn't realize that her actions now will likely let her down in the future. That being said, I wish neighbor lady said idgaf about your douchey-ness and lived happily ever after with real friends.

Man, I really hate people on a power trip being mean but they always fall. It takes a miserable person to be like that in the first place.

Are you OK? You dragged up a 2-year-old-thread to offer a “conclusion” about someone you have never met? Whatever is bothering you or threatening your mental health, I hope you get well soon.

Obviously someone who has no social skills or ability to make friends was on an internet deep dive and found this thread, then used it as an opportunity to lash out as some sort of weird projection because their own awkwardness.

Also, I think OP would be on a “power trip” if she did try to bulldoze people into inviting other people to events she is not hosting.

The people getting all upset about this are making it clear why they don’t get invited places. No one wants to hang out with someone who is drama and adds stress to their lives. A childhood friend of mine ended up having borderline personality disorder and would lose her mind if I dared to make plans (even impromptu ones) without her. She thought she was owed an invitation to everything and that everyone’s lives basically resolved around her. Anything we did or didn’t do was somehow related back to her. It ended up a self fulfilling prophecy where she ended up losing the friends she did have and wasn’t invited to anything. It is a sad disorder but needs to be worked out in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Zombie thread alert!

[Anonymous]

A drive by birthday? One of the stupidest things that happened during the pandemic. People should be embarrassed about things like this now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A drive by birthday? One of the stupidest things that happened during the pandemic. People should be embarrassed about things like this now.

This is why I really want OP to come back with an update!! Plus four years have passed, and if that group of 12 neighborhood moms is intact, than I am shocked!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is now over 4 years old, but honestly it’s relevant because stuff like this happens all the time. In the past 4 years I’ve seen a friend group like this blow up in my neighborhood, and the forming of a new group led by two new queen bees. I’d love OP to come back and give an update. As kids get older, these parent/mom cliques matter less and less because kids make their own friends. Also, during 2020 and 2021, worlds shrank and many of us spent a lot more time around neighbors and neighborhood friends. Looking back, I wish I personally hadn’t done that.

Yeah I also have seen the same thing. I never was into wanting to be in a mommy clique, but it is interesting to see what happens. I was in a mommy and me group with a mean queen B and her bff who went along with anything and some followers with no spine. I run into the various women now and then and none of them hang out. The queens bff threw her under the bus with gossip within in 5 minutes of me asking how her friend is. Apparently the friendship exploded. One of my kids was in school with the mommy expert's daughter who as a toddler was apparently advanced in every way and a genius. Well she is now a rebellious and wild teen with an attitude who only wants to hang out with her dad and step mom if she hangs with adults at all.

Since then I encountered many more nice moms who have enough balance in their lives and faced enough challenges they don't have time for middle school dynamics. They seem to maintain their friendships with eachother and when I run into them we have normal conversation-no gossip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell her you will always inform and invite her to events that You plan but you can’t invite her to other people’s events. Maybe she should hosts some things herself? You aren’t her social coordinator

This.

[Anonymous]

OP, it honestly sounds to me like she reached out to you for help making some friends and getting closer with the group, and you ignored her. When my son was that young, I used to make a concerted effort to draw the "left out" moms and kids into the group. I'd host extra events and invite them so they could meet the other moms and kids, or I'd go out of my way to introduce them to the moms they don't know. It's not that hard. It's called being a nice person. Unless there is a reason no one likes this mom, then you just aren't being a very kind person to know someone is left out and not try to include them. I can't imagine that there aren't other moms in the group who might have connected with her and become closer friends, or who would have been happy to include her if they'd known. Sadly, she approached the wrong person.