When someone contacts you about being excluded from social events

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well the truth is that she IS being excluded, so her feelings are valid. The problem is, she thinks you can help with the exclusion, but you cannot or will not. You know this OP but she does not, because you haven’t been honest with her. You value your inclusion in this group more than rocking the boat on the other woman’s behalf. Ok, fine, whatever. But don’t try to have it both ways - be direct and tell her, yes you get left out but I can’t or won’t do anything about it. Then she can decide if she wants to be friends with you.

No, her feelings are NOT valid. Most of us learn in second grade that not everyone is invited to every little thing. She wants OP to report on other people's events to her? She needs to grow the hell up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well the truth is that she IS being excluded, so her feelings are valid. The problem is, she thinks you can help with the exclusion, but you cannot or will not. You know this OP but she does not, because you haven’t been honest with her. You value your inclusion in this group more than rocking the boat on the other woman’s behalf. Ok, fine, whatever. But don’t try to have it both ways - be direct and tell her, yes you get left out but I can’t or won’t do anything about it. Then she can decide if she wants to be friends with you.

No, her feelings are NOT valid. Most of us learn in second grade that not everyone is invited to every little thing. She wants OP to report on other people's events to her? She needs to grow the hell up.

I agree with this. I would probably simply let her know it was not an event you hosted and she can feel free to contact the host.

I also would slowly ghost her. I have one kid with SN and I don't expect people to bend over backward for me. He even had social skills issues which have improved. When he was constantly excluded I didn't make it other people's problem. I took as a sign he needed help socially and I got him help. Now he has friends. It is poor manners for her to confront you the way she did and to try to invite herself to things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d text her back with: “So you’re hurt because I didn’t tell you about someone else’s birthday drive by? Clearly we don’t have the same understanding of what our friendship is. I’m happy to talk this through with you. But I’m not taking responsibility for this.”

What an absolutely awful response.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that her child has trouble making close friends and she sees this as a way to foster that?

[Anonymous]

If it were a traditional birthday party, it would not be appropriate for you to inform her. But this was a drive-by. There is no real hosting being done, right? No cake, party favors, space considerations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d text her back with: “So you’re hurt because I didn’t tell you about someone else’s birthday drive by? Clearly we don’t have the same understanding of what our friendship is. I’m happy to talk this through with you. But I’m not taking responsibility for this.”

What an absolutely awful response.

Seriously, my god people are just heartless and mean these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d text her back with: “So you’re hurt because I didn’t tell you about someone else’s birthday drive by? Clearly we don’t have the same understanding of what our friendship is. I’m happy to talk this through with you. But I’m not taking responsibility for this.”

What an absolutely awful response.

Just keep in’ it real. This adult is upset and hurt that she wasn’t informed about some birthday drive-by. It’s ridiculous. What exactly would you say to this, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d text her back with: “So you’re hurt because I didn’t tell you about someone else’s birthday drive by? Clearly we don’t have the same understanding of what our friendship is. I’m happy to talk this through with you. But I’m not taking responsibility for this.”

What an absolutely awful response.

What an absolutely unfair, inappropriate, and awful position to put the OP in.

Let's start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were a traditional birthday party, it would not be appropriate for you to inform her. But this was a drive-by. There is no real hosting being done, right? No cake, party favors, space considerations?

Not OP's gathering, not her say, not her business. That's all.

[Anonymous]

I'm part of a loose group of friends like this, I would say something to the host like "do you mind if I invite A or is this just a close friend thing?" If it's a situation where people like her but it's just an oversight because she is less close to certain people, I would go out of my way to make sure she is invited-and I would hope others would do the same for me.

[Anonymous]

This thread is shameful. Do any of you chickenshit mean girls actually know how to USE YOUR WORDS and clearly but kindly enforce a boundary without being a massive asshole?

[Anonymous]

OP, have you tried to be the bridge to including your friend into your social circle. I agree that you should not be put in the position of feeling obligated to invite your friend to someone else’s party — that may be considered rude. However, we all should strive to try to be more inclusive, especially within our little cliques and closed circles.

If you’ve already tried, and it isn’t a good fit within your other circle, perhaps you might consider why. What’s it about your friend that doesn’t fit with your other friends? Is she new to the neighborhood? Is she too clingy or needy? Is she too “different” in a way that you accept but that your other friends don’t accept? What do you like about your friend? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is shameful. Do any of you chickenshit mean girls actually know how to USE YOUR WORDS and clearly but kindly enforce a boundary without being a massive asshole?

Plenty of people have offered kind or neutral words and approaches.

The only person to call people names and use profanity is you. Who's the mean girl?

[Anonymous]

This happened to my good friend. Because of her personality, she attracts most people - she is an extrovert. Sometimes, there will be people on the periphery who try to take advantage, without reciprocating. One solution she found was to make smaller groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell her you will always inform and invite her to events that You plan but you can’t invite her to other people’s events. Maybe she should hosts some things herself? You aren’t her social coordinator

This