Should I ask my neighbor if I can use their pool this summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's far from polite to ask for things not offered, in the guise of being "helpful" because your children would bring sunbeams to someone else's sad little life.

Don't rely on social pressure to try to bully your way in. As noted on this thread, a lot of people have figured out how to extend invitations on their own.

I’m sure OP’s kids are adorable and would be sunbeams in this lady’s life. Why so negative??

So, why then would they not have yet received an invitation? Why not even invited over regularly, even without the pool?

There is no child who would be a panacea for everyone's life. People are allowed not to crave spending time with your child. Really. They are. And they know that if they want to spend time with your child, they can make that happen.

Really, they do.

Doesn't say anything about the child.

Pretty sure the PP was joking...

Let us stand together on that in fervent hope.

[Anonymous]

We have a pool and have been asked this. It made us feel very uncomfortable and like jerks for saying no. Do you think you’re the only ones who wish they could use the neighbor's pool, OP? I wonder how many requests they are fielding. Don’t add to the pile.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes it so clear how far etiquette and basic decency has fallen in this country.

[Anonymous]

If your kind, pool-owning neighbors say you can use their pool while they are out of town, please don’t spend all day there or hours upon hours at a time. Be respectful and be in and out, for a quick dip, not hanging out in my yard having a party when I am not home. I didn’t realize I needed to explain this when I first extended the offer last year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think this was a totally reasonable question. People on here can be so unnecessarily mean.

What other things do you think qualify as “reasonable “ questions?

- Your house is bigger than mine. Can my in-laws stay with you for two week in July?
- I only have one car. Can my godson borrow yours to drive to California?
- Can I store my quarantine supplies in your chest freezer?
-Will you co-sign a loan for my nephew? I hear your credit rating is good.
- We’ll just use your WiFi. Can you tell me the password?
-Can you add my name to your Prime membership so I can get free shipping?

If any of these things would bother you, can you tell me why they do? Keep in mind that if the OP already had a positive, mutually supportive relationship with the neighbor, they probably wouldn’t be crowd sourcing this question with a bunch of strangers on the internet.

+1

You nailed it with your list, and also this phrase. People like OP are takers. That is what they do, they take.

Back off, OP. Let your neighbor enjoy their own yard. Don't be a parasite.

+1

I'll bet OP is also one of the "we're stopping by your city for a few days, it's fine with you if my family of 4 sleeps on your couch, right? You'll hardly even notice us" people.

"plus our dog of course, but he's mostly toilet trained too!"

“And it would be great if we could borrow your car!”

[Anonymous]

Do you stop your neighbor in their driveway and ask them to pick up a few things for you at the grocery store every time they go out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we have an older neighbor (no kids in the house) who has a gorgeous pool accessible via our back yard. We're not friends but friendly. With the reopening of pools still TBD, do you think it would be wildly inappropriate to ask her if I could use the pool with my two kids for a couple hours each week? Of course, I'd completely understand if she said no, would sign a liability waiver, clear dates/times with her in advance, set up clear usage guidelines, and even offer to pitch-in for pool maintenance, etc. Thoughts?

I have a pool and would have no probably telling you “hell no”.

I would say yes. I guess I’m just neighborly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we have an older neighbor (no kids in the house) who has a gorgeous pool accessible via our back yard. We're not friends but friendly. With the reopening of pools still TBD, do you think it would be wildly inappropriate to ask her if I could use the pool with my two kids for a couple hours each week? Of course, I'd completely understand if she said no, would sign a liability waiver, clear dates/times with her in advance, set up clear usage guidelines, and even offer to pitch-in for pool maintenance, etc. Thoughts?

I have a pool and would have no probably telling you “hell no”.

I would say yes. I guess I’m just neighborly.

You would not if you actually had a pool – you would know the incredible liability associated with others using your pool. If that neighbor or their child slipped and fell and cracked their head open, they would absolutely be ‘asking’ the neighbor to cover their expenses.

[Anonymous]

Of course, not! We have friends with a gorgeous pool who live 2 minutes away. They specifically told us to come over and use it. I can't imagine being so rude and ask for using someone's pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes it so clear how far etiquette and basic decency has fallen in this country.[/quote

1000% Agree

[Anonymous]

I would not ask - completely get the hate on asking. I would at minimum bring it up casually like "you are so lucky to have your own pool oasis in these times!" and potentially adding "our community pool is closed " and then ramble on again on how fortunate they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not ask - completely get the hate on asking. I would at minimum bring it up casually like "you are so lucky to have your own pool oasis in these times!" and potentially adding "our community pool is closed " and then ramble on again on how fortunate they are.

Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, during bad snowfalls have you offered to help shovel her driveway? Have you helped her out in any way in the past, or done anything kind for her?

Do not ask if you can use her pool. I get that it looks so tempting and this summer is going to be hard. But you cannot ask this of her.

To add on to the bolded...

OP, did you check in on this neighbor at all during the quarantine?

Did you tell her when you were running to the store, just in case she needed something?

Have you offered or have done ANYTHING that was selfless towards this neighbor, that was only for her benefit and you received nothing in return?

If the answer to these was no, then you have your answer and a LOT of nerve for even thinking of asking.

That's called being a USER, but I'm sure this wouldn't be the first time you've been called that.
Entitled people never "get" it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Sounds like there are a lot of uptight rich people in here. Surprise, surprise.

Ask. It hurts nothing.

Nothing but your sense of pride or your dignity, right?
Oh, also your relationship going forward with this neighbor, because it will be awkward AF in the future after she says no.

But you're not friends with her to begin with, right? Just "friendly".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we have an older neighbor (no kids in the house) who has a gorgeous pool accessible via our back yard. We're not friends but friendly. With the reopening of pools still TBD, do you think it would be wildly inappropriate to ask her if I could use the pool with my two kids for a couple hours each week? Of course, I'd completely understand if she said no, would sign a liability waiver, clear dates/times with her in advance, set up clear usage guidelines, and even offer to pitch-in for pool maintenance, etc. Thoughts?

I have a pool and would have no probably telling you “hell no”.

I would say yes. I guess I’m just neighborly.

Hey OP! Go ask this person.