Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So if your wife is mad at you for something, do you still expect to her to have sex with you?

Not the PP but yes, I do. I can put aside my feelings of anger to still enjoy sex. Does every bit of anger, resentment, or even feeling annoyed have to be gone in order to clear the slate for sex? That seems impossible in a long-term marriage. Can those things be worked on while still having sex? Or do they all need to be resolved first? That doesn't seem reasonable or a good excuse to cut your partner off.

Anonymous wrote:
Does she have *any* say in whether she puts out?

Indeed, she has total say or this thread (and 100 more that preceded it)would not exist.

Anonymous wrote:
You want her to basically be a prostitute and give it up just because you put a ring on her finger?

A woman having sex with her husband is not prostituting herself. Dramatic much? But if you want to call it that, then yes, I'm fine with it. If me putting a ring on her finger means that she expects monogamy from me, same as I do her, then I feel justified in expecting her, my only sex partner, to have sex with me.

I feel like there aren't that many women who really don't understand this and, in fairness to women, it works both ways. Women aren't the only ones who unilaterally lose interest in sex. By my estimates, about 20% of married women above the age of 35 would have sex with a man outside of her marriage, given the chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a man can be a jerk all the time JUST ENOUGH so that she won't divorce him, and he feels he can continue to be a jerk to her and expect her to put out? She decides that she will stay in the marriage for the children which in many cases benefits the children and their finances, including the husband's.

I swear, some men act like sex is the only thing that matters in the marriage. Yes, sex is important, but seriously, you come across as this is the only thing you care about. You don't seem to be *listening* to anything women have posted here. No wonder you are in a sexless marriage. How's your strategy working for you? Not so great, it seems.

Thankfully, my DH did learn to listen to me, and now he gets sex regularly.

Sex is not the ONLY thing that matters to a man in a marriage. However it is an ESSENTIAL part of a sustainable marriage (for men).

Shame on any husband for being a jerk! (see I HAVE listened) His wife should tell him he's a jerk, certainly should not have unwanted sex with a jerk, and if he keeps being a jerk, divorce him.

But you explained that she stays (for all the benefits of marriage) and remains sexless (because he's a jerk). Here now we have a platonic room mate marriage of convenience. You need to understand that fidelity cannot be expected in this kind of marriage. The husband, being a normal man who needs sex, simply fixes this in 15 seconds by declaring the marriage open. Only in this way can the room mater marriage survive. Him going elsewhere benefits her: she gets to stay sexlessly married, just like she wants.

Until the AP gets pregnant then the husband drops the old family like a hot potato. It happens all the time! Then her kids have to either not see their dad or deal with a stepmother. I have seen lots if men finally get their crap together and actually invest more emotionally into their second marriage and family than they did in their first.

And even if that doesn't happen he will be diverting time and money away from the family while he is out dating etc.

[Anonymous]

FLESHLIGHT and YOUPORN. Amazon is still open

You are not getting sex at home. You cannot have go to your AP either. You can't boink your Co-Worker. You cannot get a happy ending massage. You cannot go to a prostitute either. In fact, you are in a sexual famine shitshow, the likes of which you have never seen before. Even HIV was not that limiting and you could use condoms and carry on somewhat.

There is no support group for you guys, Not even a groupon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a man can be a jerk all the time JUST ENOUGH so that she won't divorce him, and he feels he can continue to be a jerk to her and expect her to put out? She decides that she will stay in the marriage for the children which in many cases benefits the children and their finances, including the husband's.

I swear, some men act like sex is the only thing that matters in the marriage. Yes, sex is important, but seriously, you come across as this is the only thing you care about. You don't seem to be *listening* to anything women have posted here. No wonder you are in a sexless marriage. How's your strategy working for you? Not so great, it seems.

Thankfully, my DH did learn to listen to me, and now he gets sex regularly.

Sex is not the ONLY thing that matters to a man in a marriage. However it is an ESSENTIAL part of a sustainable marriage (for men).

Shame on any husband for being a jerk! (see I HAVE listened) His wife should tell him he's a jerk, certainly should not have unwanted sex with a jerk, and if he keeps being a jerk, divorce him.

But you explained that she stays (for all the benefits of marriage) and remains sexless (because he's a jerk). Here now we have a platonic room mate marriage of convenience. You need to understand that fidelity cannot be expected in this kind of marriage. The husband, being a normal man who needs sex, simply fixes this in 15 seconds by declaring the marriage open. Only in this way can the room mater marriage survive. Him going elsewhere benefits her: she gets to stay sexlessly married, just like she wants.

I really don’t understand what you are saying here. I am in this scenario. My husband is a jerk. He does all kinds of things that I don’t like, and he knows and doesn’t care. Why, all of a sudden, should he care if I am ok with what he is doing or upset by what he is doing?
I don’t condone having an affair, but, in my day to day life, it isn’t any worse than regularly leaving a mess for me to clean up or talking down to me in front of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FLESHLIGHT and YOUPORN. Amazon is still open

You are not getting sex at home. You cannot have go to your AP either. You can't boink your Co-Worker. You cannot get a happy ending massage. You cannot go to a prostitute either. In fact, you are in a sexual famine shitshow, the likes of which you have never seen before. Even HIV was not that limiting and you could use condoms and carry on somewhat.

There is no support group for you guys, Not even a groupon.

Oh yes there is. Ever hear of AshleyMadison and the likes? I could re-activate my account there anytime and find someone inside of a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I have juuuuuust enough sex to not get divorced .....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I have juuuuuust enough sex to not get divorced .....

If you’re middle age and having good sex once a week you have no reason to complain. Once a month would be an issue. Once a year and I’m outta here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

Men don’t suddenly get bad in bed. It was there all along but you just wanted a husband.

Or sex wasn't the #1 important thing on the list.

So how did you power through while dating and why not do it now?

NP here. Because when we were dating, I thought he would naturally learn more about my body, and it would get better. There is a curve over the first couple of years where the sex gets better and better. I had never been married before. I didn't know it was a bell shaped curve.

Wait he wasn’t good when you first started dating and didn’t get better during dating but you thought surely he’d get better after marriage?? Ok so you just wanted to be married. The issue isn’t with the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FLESHLIGHT and YOUPORN. Amazon is still open

You are not getting sex at home. You cannot have go to your AP either. You can't boink your Co-Worker. You cannot get a happy ending massage. You cannot go to a prostitute either. In fact, you are in a sexual famine shitshow, the likes of which you have never seen before. Even HIV was not that limiting and you could use condoms and carry on somewhat.

There is no support group for you guys, Not even a groupon.

Oh yes there is. Ever hear of AshleyMadison and the likes? I could re-activate my account there anytime and find someone inside of a few weeks.

Ha ha! Social distancing, my friend. You cannot hook up with anyone physically now, and your wife canno stand you. Even a HAZMAT suit will not help. Besides, you are middle aged dudes, probably middle class or below, most vulnerable to die from COVID or even lose your job.

My suggestion was practical from all aspects - social distancing, your saggy balls, your pathetic bank-balance. If you were people of means, you would get a trophy wife You are not Trump. Even he has not been able to get his sex for free. Either he had to marry starlets and East Europeans and pay alimony or whatever, or he had to pay prostitutes and porn stars.

Embrace this new world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a man can be a jerk all the time JUST ENOUGH so that she won't divorce him, and he feels he can continue to be a jerk to her and expect her to put out? She decides that she will stay in the marriage for the children which in many cases benefits the children and their finances, including the husband's.

I swear, some men act like sex is the only thing that matters in the marriage. Yes, sex is important, but seriously, you come across as this is the only thing you care about. You don't seem to be *listening* to anything women have posted here. No wonder you are in a sexless marriage. How's your strategy working for you? Not so great, it seems.

Thankfully, my DH did learn to listen to me, and now he gets sex regularly.

Sex is not the ONLY thing that matters to a man in a marriage. However it is an ESSENTIAL part of a sustainable marriage (for men).

Shame on any husband for being a jerk! (see I HAVE listened) His wife should tell him he's a jerk, certainly should not have unwanted sex with a jerk, and if he keeps being a jerk, divorce him.

But you explained that she stays (for all the benefits of marriage) and remains sexless (because he's a jerk). Here now we have a platonic room mate marriage of convenience. You need to understand that fidelity cannot be expected in this kind of marriage. The husband, being a normal man who needs sex, simply fixes this in 15 seconds by declaring the marriage open. Only in this way can the room mater marriage survive. Him going elsewhere benefits her: she gets to stay sexlessly married, just like she wants.

Until the AP gets pregnant then the husband drops the old family like a hot potato. It happens all the time! Then her kids have to either not see their dad or deal with a stepmother. I have seen lots if men finally get their crap together and actually invest more emotionally into their second marriage and family than they did in their first.

And even if that doesn't happen he will be diverting time and money away from the family while he is out dating etc.

My husband's AP did get pregnant but he did not leave our marriage, sexless as it was at the time. See, men too get benefits out of sexless marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

Men don’t suddenly get bad in bed. It was there all along but you just wanted a husband.

Or sex wasn't the #1 important thing on the list.

So how did you power through while dating and why not do it now?

Not PP and not in a sexless marriage but this is an incredibly dumb question. When you're dating things are new and exciting and you're willing to overlook things that aren't perfect. You're not really powering through so much as doing something you're excited about but that isn't quite as good as you thought it would be. Like eating a piece of chocolate cake that looks GREAT but tastes meh. But hey, its chocolate cake! Even meh chocolate cake is still chocolate cake! But when you've been together 15 years and been overlooking that annoying thing for 15 years AND you're generally annoyed at them for 10 other things, then you don't want it anymore. You don't want the 150th meh piece of chocolate cake. And you know what, a mediocre creme brulee would probably taste AMAZING right now because you're so freaking sick of chocolate cake.

In the beginning no one is faking or powering through, there just isn't ages of baggage and resentment and boredom piled up.

That’s a whole lot of word salad that you posted. You’re claiming that women “overlook” bad sex in the beginning of dating because it’s new and exciting. Your sex life must be interesting if you think bad sex = exciting relationship. Setting that aside you then think that women just keep moving forward through dating and an engagement continuing to accept bad sex? No. What a bizarre defense to women just having sex until they get what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So if your wife is mad at you for something, do you still expect to her to have sex with you?

Not the PP but yes, I do. I can put aside my feelings of anger to still enjoy sex. Does every bit of anger, resentment, or even feeling annoyed have to be gone in order to clear the slate for sex? That seems impossible in a long-term marriage. Can those things be worked on while still having sex? Or do they all need to be resolved first? That doesn't seem reasonable or a good excuse to cut your partner off.

Anonymous wrote:
Does she have *any* say in whether she puts out?

Indeed, she has total say or this thread (and 100 more that preceded it)would not exist.

Anonymous wrote:
You want her to basically be a prostitute and give it up just because you put a ring on her finger?

A woman having sex with her husband is not prostituting herself. Dramatic much? But if you want to call it that, then yes, I'm fine with it. If me putting a ring on her finger means that she expects monogamy from me, same as I do her, then I feel justified in expecting her, my only sex partner, to have sex with me.

I feel like there aren't that many women who really don't understand this and, in fairness to women, it works both ways. Women aren't the only ones who unilaterally lose interest in sex. By my estimates, about 20% of married women above the age of 35 would have sex with a man outside of her marriage, given the chance.

Yep, this explains why she doesn't want sex with you. You have zero clue about how a woman's brain and body works.

And you view things as black and white. Some resentment can be managed; others take a while, and then there's the resentment that she won't ever be able to get over and impacts how she views you.

If she doesn't "get over it" in five days will you step out on her? You don't seem to even be the type to figure out what the issue is let alone work on it.

So why don't you just divorce her then? Maybe that will turn her on and make her want to have sex with you. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

Men don’t suddenly get bad in bed. It was there all along but you just wanted a husband.

Or sex wasn't the #1 important thing on the list.

So how did you power through while dating and why not do it now?

NP here. Because when we were dating, I thought he would naturally learn more about my body, and it would get better. There is a curve over the first couple of years where the sex gets better and better. I had never been married before. I didn't know it was a bell shaped curve.

Wait he wasn’t good when you first started dating and didn’t get better during dating but you thought surely he’d get better after marriage?? Ok so you just wanted to be married. The issue isn’t with the man.

No. It did get better while we were dating. I thought it would keep getting better. But it actually got worse.

I had anticipated a curve that went quickly upward over a couple of years, then kind of tapered off, but continued to go up gradually for most of our lives. Instead, it went up quickly over a couple of years, tapered off (we got married), then started going back down. Not in frequency, but in his interest and ability to be spontaneous and adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a man can be a jerk all the time JUST ENOUGH so that she won't divorce him, and he feels he can continue to be a jerk to her and expect her to put out? She decides that she will stay in the marriage for the children which in many cases benefits the children and their finances, including the husband's.

I swear, some men act like sex is the only thing that matters in the marriage. Yes, sex is important, but seriously, you come across as this is the only thing you care about. You don't seem to be *listening* to anything women have posted here. No wonder you are in a sexless marriage. How's your strategy working for you? Not so great, it seems.

Thankfully, my DH did learn to listen to me, and now he gets sex regularly.

Sex is not the ONLY thing that matters to a man in a marriage. However it is an ESSENTIAL part of a sustainable marriage (for men).

Shame on any husband for being a jerk! (see I HAVE listened) His wife should tell him he's a jerk, certainly should not have unwanted sex with a jerk, and if he keeps being a jerk, divorce him.

But you explained that she stays (for all the benefits of marriage) and remains sexless (because he's a jerk). Here now we have a platonic room mate marriage of convenience. You need to understand that fidelity cannot be expected in this kind of marriage. The husband, being a normal man who needs sex, simply fixes this in 15 seconds by declaring the marriage open. Only in this way can the room mater marriage survive. Him going elsewhere benefits her: she gets to stay sexlessly married, just like she wants.

Why do men want to keep being jerks to their wives? I don’t understand it. What do they get out of it?

Why not just aplologize for the things you have done in the past, stop being a jerk in the present, and just enjoy a happy, loving marriage and a good sex life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a man can be a jerk all the time JUST ENOUGH so that she won't divorce him, and he feels he can continue to be a jerk to her and expect her to put out? She decides that she will stay in the marriage for the children which in many cases benefits the children and their finances, including the husband's.

I swear, some men act like sex is the only thing that matters in the marriage. Yes, sex is important, but seriously, you come across as this is the only thing you care about. You don't seem to be *listening* to anything women have posted here. No wonder you are in a sexless marriage. How's your strategy working for you? Not so great, it seems.

Thankfully, my DH did learn to listen to me, and now he gets sex regularly.

Sex is not the ONLY thing that matters to a man in a marriage. However it is an ESSENTIAL part of a sustainable marriage (for men).

Shame on any husband for being a jerk! (see I HAVE listened) His wife should tell him he's a jerk, certainly should not have unwanted sex with a jerk, and if he keeps being a jerk, divorce him.

But you explained that she stays (for all the benefits of marriage) and remains sexless (because he's a jerk). Here now we have a platonic room mate marriage of convenience. You need to understand that fidelity cannot be expected in this kind of marriage. The husband, being a normal man who needs sex, simply fixes this in 15 seconds by declaring the marriage open. Only in this way can the room mater marriage survive. Him going elsewhere benefits her: she gets to stay sexlessly married, just like she wants.

Why do men want to keep being jerks to their wives? I don’t understand it. What do they get out of it?

Why not just aplologize for the things you have done in the past, stop being a jerk in the present, and just enjoy a happy, loving marriage and a good sex life?

You are assuming that he acknowledges he did anything wrong. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't, but it does take two to tango. I do wonder what he is doing to rectify the situation other than saying he feels justified in cheating on his wife.