Husband Keeping Detailed Notes

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he’s stockpiling ammo. Get your ducks in a row, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The unmasculine comment was weird...but otherwise I agree with OP.

My sister's husband did this in preparation for a divorce. She was devastated when she found a documentation of every error / vulnerability she had made/had. They could all be twisted, for him to get custody. His sister is a lawyer, so I suspect she told him to make contemporaneous notes.

My (female) lawyer told me: write down every good thing you do, and every bad thing she does.

You and your 'female lawyer' have no idea how divorces work.

There isn't a part where the judge imposes penalties for not cleaning the kitchen for a month. OP and her DH are both employed so alimony is out. All other property is marital property and will be split 50/50 unless the two agree otherwise.

Then there is child custody. The children's age plays a big part and the older they are the less likely any judge is to award sole custody or supervised visit unless there is clear and convincing evidence of abuse (multiple DUIs, domestic assault charges,etc).

It's very rare these days to have custody not be simply shared; it's almost default 50/50.

In short, OP's DH really has nothing to gain from this behavior. Which makes me think he has a mental issue or is just very uneducated/unintelligent.

I don't think people quite grasp the vast numbers of shits the judge does not give about the particulars of your marital problems.

I watched the judge read the last 10 pages of mine on the bench, and then at a subsequent hearing he cited some of the incidents in the journal as reasons I was getting custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Absolutely wasn't snooping but I don't car to convince the haters otherwise.

Yes the notes are accurate but I'm allowed to live in my house too. I'm not his guest. Yes, I will occasionally be messy and yes my stuff will sit on the dining room table for a week while I'm working 8-6, raising three kids and getting them to and from sports/events. That's life.

My instinct is to call him out on his little notes. I find it very... unmasculine

OP it's weird that its's your DH, but I did something kind of like that with a problem roommate. I was always cleaning up after her and finally decided nope, not going to, and suggested she find a place to live within x months (I knew she had financial problems, but she wasn't deling with them). It basically kept me from losing my s***. I did the same when DH had a drinking problem. In a way, keeping a record enabled me to avoid acting on the problem until I was prepared to do so.

I'd say there's an element of avoidance in the behavior. Or, maybe he's planning to write a screenplay or a novel?

I'd also consider the possibility others suggested, that he feels like he's the one being gaslighted.

Regardlesss either he has a weird but harmless personality fetish (also a possibility) or there's some kind of problem.

[Anonymous]

I take notes like this too OP

Like your husband, I'm also disappointed in my wife

[Anonymous]

I keep notes also, but it’s because I feel gaslighted on certain issues. It help me put my thoughts together before we talk. My husband is aware I do this and hates it.

[Anonymous]

He might be having mental issues. A family member did that when he was having a schizophrenic breakdown.