Husband Keeping Detailed Notes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Absolutely wasn't snooping but I don't car to convince the haters otherwise.

Yes the notes are accurate but I'm allowed to live in my house too. I'm not his guest. Yes, I will occasionally be messy and yes my stuff will sit on the dining room table for a week while I'm working 8-6, raising three kids and getting them to and from sports/events. That's life.

My instinct is to call him out on his little notes. I find it very... unmasculine

I was with you until you referred to his notes as "little" and questioned his masculinity. Do you demean him frequently?

I'll demean when demeaning is called for. I'm not a student of his trying to get an A. He's grading me as if he sits in some spot of authority. I could very easily do the same to him and his shortcomings are plentiful. But I don't because I'm an adult and if I have a problem I can promise you that you will hear it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the same poster who started the thread on how you don’t respect your DH?

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Absolutely wasn't snooping but I don't car to convince the haters otherwise.

Yes the notes are accurate but I'm allowed to live in my house too. I'm not his guest. Yes, I will occasionally be messy and yes my stuff will sit on the dining room table for a week while I'm working 8-6, raising three kids and getting them to and from sports/events. That's life.

My instinct is to call him out on his little notes. I find it very... unmasculine

YIKES. Poor guy.

I was prepared to be on your side until I read this. Your contempt for him really comes through strongly here.

[Anonymous]

The unmasculine comment was weird...but otherwise I agree with OP.

My sister's husband did this in preparation for a divorce. She was devastated when she found a documentation of every error / vulnerability she had made/had. They could all be twisted, for him to get custody. His sister is a lawyer, so I suspect she told him to make contemporaneous notes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Absolutely wasn't snooping but I don't car to convince the haters otherwise.

Yes the notes are accurate but I'm allowed to live in my house too. I'm not his guest. Yes, I will occasionally be messy and yes my stuff will sit on the dining room table for a week while I'm working 8-6, raising three kids and getting them to and from sports/events. That's life.

My instinct is to call him out on his little notes. I find it very... unmasculine

I was with you until you referred to his notes as "little" and questioned his masculinity. Do you demean him frequently?

I'll demean when demeaning is called for. I'm not a student of his trying to get an A. He's grading me as if he sits in some spot of authority. I could very easily do the same to him and his shortcomings are plentiful. But I don't because I'm an adult and if I have a problem I can promise you that you will hear it.

You claim to be an adult but can't respect someone else's privacy or private thoughts. Maybe it's just to make decisions for himself - pros/cons of YOU and whether he wants to continue. Personally, I can see why he wouldn't. If someone were to steal your diary or your child's journal and use it against them, would that be okay? You're despicable - good luck in the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Absolutely wasn't snooping but I don't car to convince the haters otherwise.

Yes the notes are accurate but I'm allowed to live in my house too. I'm not his guest. Yes, I will occasionally be messy and yes my stuff will sit on the dining room table for a week while I'm working 8-6, raising three kids and getting them to and from sports/events. That's life.

My instinct is to call him out on his little notes. I find it very... unmasculine

I was with you until you referred to his notes as "little" and questioned his masculinity. Do you demean him frequently?

I'll demean when demeaning is called for. I'm not a student of his trying to get an A. He's grading me as if he sits in some spot of authority. I could very easily do the same to him and his shortcomings are plentiful. But I don't because I'm an adult and if I have a problem I can promise you that you will hear it.

You claim to be an adult but can't respect someone else's privacy or private thoughts. Maybe it's just to make decisions for himself - pros/cons of YOU and whether he wants to continue. Personally, I can see why he wouldn't. If someone were to steal your diary or your child's journal and use it against them, would that be okay? You're despicable - good luck in the divorce.

Word. OP is disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's angry and he's unproductively stewing in and stoking his anger by keeping notes to justify it to himself. When my DH was on the brink of an affair with someone from work he started doing this kind of crap -- as if he was justified because I had done x and y. But he was also conflicted because he knew it didn't really add up. This reminds me of that.

I think you guys should do marital counseling right away, if you aren't already. I think probably something bad is ahead if you don't take this seirously. He doesn't sound like someone in touch with his feelings or able to deal with stress productively right now.

How did things turn out?

[Anonymous]

If a woman was in OP’s husband’s shoes, and was on this board complaining about how her husband demeans her, says she is useless or doesn’t do anything, and treats her like crap for no real reason and she was contemplating divorce, the advice would be to document his behavior. He’s doing the right thing if he’s finally had it with OP’s nagging and contemptuous behavior.

[Anonymous]

I'd be worried about divorce if the documentation was focusing on my child care, drinking, etc. If just who did what, then he is probably trying to prove to himself that HE is not crazy; that he really is experiencing x y z in your marriage. ie, he is doing his fair share and you are not , he deserves more sex, whatever.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird and I’d call him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Absolutely wasn't snooping but I don't car to convince the haters otherwise.

Yes the notes are accurate but I'm allowed to live in my house too. I'm not his guest. Yes, I will occasionally be messy and yes my stuff will sit on the dining room table for a week while I'm working 8-6, raising three kids and getting them to and from sports/events. That's life.

My instinct is to call him out on his little notes. I find it very... unmasculine

I was with you until you referred to his notes as "little" and questioned his masculinity. Do you demean him frequently?

I'll demean when demeaning is called for. I'm not a student of his trying to get an A. He's grading me as if he sits in some spot of authority. I could very easily do the same to him and his shortcomings are plentiful. But I don't because I'm an adult and if I have a problem I can promise you that you will hear it.

Yikes. I was on your side, but you sound really unpleasant, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Absolutely wasn't snooping but I don't car to convince the haters otherwise.

Yes the notes are accurate but I'm allowed to live in my house too. I'm not his guest. Yes, I will occasionally be messy and yes my stuff will sit on the dining room table for a week while I'm working 8-6, raising three kids and getting them to and from sports/events. That's life.

My instinct is to call him out on his little notes. I find it very... unmasculine

I was with you until you referred to his notes as "little" and questioned his masculinity. Do you demean him frequently?

I'll demean when demeaning is called for. I'm not a student of his trying to get an A. He's grading me as if he sits in some spot of authority. I could very easily do the same to him and his shortcomings are plentiful. But I don't because I'm an adult and if I have a problem I can promise you that you will hear it.

You claim to be an adult but can't respect someone else's privacy or private thoughts. Maybe it's just to make decisions for himself - pros/cons of YOU and whether he wants to continue. Personally, I can see why he wouldn't. If someone were to steal your diary or your child's journal and use it against them, would that be okay? You're despicable - good luck in the divorce.

Word. OP is disgusting

Wut? Dude is keeping tabs on her. That's psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not aggressive, as it's clearly not directed at you.

I wish my DH would keep notes so he would know how much I do, LOL!

None of this is going to have any bearing on a divorce or custody. How ridiculous would that sound: Your Honor, on 1/17/20 my wife said she would my move my shirts from the dresser to the bed and she didn't do that.
No lawyer would advise such ridiculous note taking.

I'd worry about the state of the marriage but not about how this kind of note taking would appear in court.

LMAO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Absolutely wasn't snooping but I don't car to convince the haters otherwise.

Yes the notes are accurate but I'm allowed to live in my house too. I'm not his guest. Yes, I will occasionally be messy and yes my stuff will sit on the dining room table for a week while I'm working 8-6, raising three kids and getting them to and from sports/events. That's life.

My instinct is to call him out on his little notes. I find it very... unmasculine

YIKES. Poor guy.

I was prepared to be on your side until I read this. Your contempt for him really comes through strongly here.

+1, this is so, so sad. This is not what marriage is supposed to be -- no wonder he is trying to plan his escape. Please seek therapy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Absolutely wasn't snooping but I don't car to convince the haters otherwise.

Yes the notes are accurate but I'm allowed to live in my house too. I'm not his guest. Yes, I will occasionally be messy and yes my stuff will sit on the dining room table for a week while I'm working 8-6, raising three kids and getting them to and from sports/events. That's life.

My instinct is to call him out on his little notes. I find it very... unmasculine

I was with you until you referred to his notes as "little" and questioned his masculinity. Do you demean him frequently?

I'll demean when demeaning is called for. I'm not a student of his trying to get an A. He's grading me as if he sits in some spot of authority. I could very easily do the same to him and his shortcomings are plentiful. But I don't because I'm an adult and if I have a problem I can promise you that you will hear it.

Um...my eyes are like saucers right now reading this from you OP.

Damn lady. You are not going to be staying married. Good luck.