husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have an 11 year old dd and I just found out I am pregnant. I don't want this child and my husband wants it.

Hmm. OP doesn’t say she doesn’t want this clump of cells. She doesn’t say she doesn’t want this fetus. I wonder why?

Can you not dissect my wording? thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With a 12 year age difference, the kids would be more mom or babysitter and kid than siblings.

So? And that type of relationship will change as the get older. My DH and his sister are nine years apart; my sister and I are 8 years apart. Our relationship now is no where near the same as it was when we were kids. You obviously have zero clue what it is like to have a much older sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The greatest gift I ever gave DC1 was a sibling. besides the lessons of learning that you are not the center of the universe, having a sibling (usually) provides support and family much longer than child years. aunts/uncles for your grandchildren, a shoulder to lean on for your DC1 when you and your DH pass.

do you want DC1 to really walk the path of life alone? Sure there are plenty of well adjusted only children in the world, but there are many who wish as adults they had a sibling.

Eleven years apart is hard on a good day. Many siblings do not get along.

There are no guarantees in life, including that OP's one and only would be happier as an only, or that OP won't love DC#2.

You know what is a guarantee: that if you don't have a sibling, you will be an only. Plenty of onlies are lonely and face hardship as they get older because they bear the sole burden of looking in on their parents, and I don't mean financial support, but emotional and mental support. Sure, you could end up having a crap relationship with your children; that could be said about OP and her DD in the future. Like I said, there are no guarantees in life.

My siblings and I live hundreds and some, thousands of miles apart. DH and his siblings are separated by an ocean, but we can all lean on each other to look in on our elderly parents and spend time with them.

As I get older (DH and I are in our 50s), I realize how wonderful it is to have more than one child as we are looking into our retirement years. My nieces and nephews are all much older than our children, so it's great that my kids have each other because they don't have much family around.

Congratulations on either never experiencing or successfully conquering infertility. Some of us couldn’t have a second, or subsequent, child and it’s good to know that we’ve doomed our children to loneliness and desperation when we get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no middle ground, I’m afraid. One or potentially all of you is going to be unhappy no matter how your proceed. Contact a divorce lawyer and a family therapist today. You’re going to need both. Good luck!

This. This is your body so ultimately you get to decide to have the baby or not.

The baby has a body also. There are two bodies here.

Nope. 1) There is no baby. Just a clump of cells. 2) The woman has to consent to carrying those cells and in this case the woman does not. The woman’s choice will ALWAYS come first. ALWAYS.

\\

100% There is no baby. And everything else written after that statement!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The greatest gift I ever gave DC1 was a sibling. besides the lessons of learning that you are not the center of the universe, having a sibling (usually) provides support and family much longer than child years. aunts/uncles for your grandchildren, a shoulder to lean on for your DC1 when you and your DH pass.

do you want DC1 to really walk the path of life alone? Sure there are plenty of well adjusted only children in the world, but there are many who wish as adults they had a sibling.

Eleven years apart is hard on a good day. Many siblings do not get along.

There are no guarantees in life, including that OP's one and only would be happier as an only, or that OP won't love DC#2.

You know what is a guarantee: that if you don't have a sibling, you will be an only. Plenty of onlies are lonely and face hardship as they get older because they bear the sole burden of looking in on their parents, and I don't mean financial support, but emotional and mental support. Sure, you could end up having a crap relationship with your children; that could be said about OP and her DD in the future. Like I said, there are no guarantees in life.

My siblings and I live hundreds and some, thousands of miles apart. DH and his siblings are separated by an ocean, but we can all lean on each other to look in on our elderly parents and spend time with them.

As I get older (DH and I are in our 50s), I realize how wonderful it is to have more than one child as we are looking into our retirement years. My nieces and nephews are all much older than our children, so it's great that my kids have each other because they don't have much family around.

Congratulations on either never experiencing or successfully conquering infertility. Some of us couldn’t have a second, or subsequent, child and it’s good to know that we’ve doomed our children to loneliness and desperation when we get older.

UGH no. Siblings are not a reason.

[Anonymous]

Your one child’s inheritance is your main concern? How about focusing on the great aspects of having a sibling instead.

My favorite saying about siblings: only your sibling will remember your childhood and what your parents were like as parents. Only siblings will ever know the whole story of your life intimately.

Plus my best friend in the world is an only child. Now that her parents are hitting their 80s, the burden of taking care of them is entirely on her. She has watched my siblings and me care for both of our parents through their final illnesses, and she is seeing her DH and their siblings cope with their parents. And she is alone in this burden. Both her DH and I are as helpful and supportive as we can be, but it’s not the same. It absolutely concerns me about what happens for her when they are gone, too. That’s far more important than an inheritance for a competent adult.

[Anonymous]

Quietly abort. Tell DH you had a miscarriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your one child’s inheritance is your main concern? How about focusing on the great aspects of having a sibling instead.

My favorite saying about siblings: only your sibling will remember your childhood and what your parents were like as parents. Only siblings will ever know the whole story of your life intimately.

Plus my best friend in the world is an only child. Now that her parents are hitting their 80s, the burden of taking care of them is entirely on her. She has watched my siblings and me care for both of our parents through their final illnesses, and she is seeing her DH and their siblings cope with their parents. And she is alone in this burden. Both her DH and I are as helpful and supportive as we can be, but it’s not the same. It absolutely concerns me about what happens for her when they are gone, too. That’s far more important than an inheritance for a competent adult.

Having a sibling is not a reason for OP to continue the pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quietly abort. Tell DH you had a miscarriage.

This is how it used to be handled OP. And then select a permanent birth control method for yourself. At this point, if you tell your doctor you will abort any children you accidentally hlget pregnant with, they may be finally willing to sterilize you.

That does not solve the problem of your dh wanting another child. Again, you could have this child, divorce, turn over custody, and go live your life.

[Anonymous]

PSA: I am so tired of people calling this fake. If you think this is fake please do not respond and just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Was your failed birth control an IUD? If so, you'll have to have it removed regardless of what you decide. Removal commonly- but not always- causes a miscarriage. I'd start there, this could end up being a non-issue, then your DH gets a vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll post.

I think so too

can you guys just stop. op here

No. This is classic trolling. If you’re real, seek professional help.

Please move on. Im sure there are other posts you can call troll on.

[Anonymous]

Can I just say, posters who are advising OP to abort and tell her DH she miscarried are disgusting. It is her choice, her RIGHT, and should not be covered up like some shameful secret. In addition, she does not live in a vacuum. Her decision affects many. She should own it, and be honest about it.

OP, this is really not something the internet can advise you on. Please take the advice of posters who are suggesting counseling and support groups (women’s center, planned parenthood, etc) as you decide what is best for you-and your family. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a 12 year age difference, the kids would be more mom or babysitter and kid than siblings.

So? And that type of relationship will change as the get older. My DH and his sister are nine years apart; my sister and I are 8 years apart. Our relationship now is no where near the same as it was when we were kids. You obviously have zero clue what it is like to have a much older sibling.

So siblings will be like babysitter and baby. Can you not read? And yes, I do know what it is like to have a much older sibling. That’s why I commented. Your individual experience is not the only one to be considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no middle ground, I’m afraid. One or potentially all of you is going to be unhappy no matter how your proceed. Contact a divorce lawyer and a family therapist today. You’re going to need both. Good luck!

This. This is your body so ultimately you get to decide to have the baby or not.

The baby has a body also. There are two bodies here.

Nope. 1) There is no baby. Just a clump of cells. 2) The woman has to consent to carrying those cells and in this case the woman does not. The woman’s choice will ALWAYS come first. ALWAYS.

DP. I am very pro-choice and agree with you that it is ultimately OP’s decision whether to continue this pregnancy. What happens after that is not entirely in her control, though. Her husband would be entirely within his rights to file for divorce over this, and OP would be powerless to stop it. If OP’s daughter ever found out about it, she may have her own feelings about OP’s choice that could affect her relationship with OP. So while the ultimate decision is OP’s, I think it’s important for her to be realistic about how the various scenarios might play out as part of her decision-making.