If you’re a minority or parent to a mixed race child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your child had lesbian parents and was 1/2 Asian and 1/2 white, where would you move and what neighborhood and specific schools would you think would be the best fit for your child? Thanks for any guidance!

Takoma Park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want my 100% Asian looking kid to be the only Asian in some Arlington schools in 22207. We bought in Vienna instead, where it's 25-30% Asian.

Are you worried about them possibly being discriminated against because they don't look white? Or celebrating two cultures kind of thing? Because the genetics reality is that so many of the white-Asian mix kids either look entirely white or white with maybe a hint of Asian features. Sometimes when I meet parents at birthday parties or at school I am surprised one parent is Asian because I would not have guessed it from their kid's appearance.

Wow. I didn't know 22207 lacked that much diversity. That was on our list when looking to move out of DC. I grew up in Fairfax County, and the 'majority' minority were Asian kids (Korean and Vietnamese mostly), now I live in MoCo and Hispanic folks are the majority minority. Sometimes I'm surprised how few Asians I see in my day to day life when I venture back to Virginia.

No one guesses my bi-racial kid is mine. I love the looks on people's faces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want my 100% Asian looking kid to be the only Asian in some Arlington schools in 22207. We bought in Vienna instead, where it's 25-30% Asian.

Are you worried about them possibly being discriminated against because they don't look white? Or celebrating two cultures kind of thing? Because the genetics reality is that so many of the white-Asian mix kids either look entirely white or white with maybe a hint of Asian features. Sometimes when I meet parents at birthday parties or at school I am surprised one parent is Asian because I would not have guessed it from their kid's appearance.

Wow. I didn't know 22207 lacked that much diversity. That was on our list when looking to move out of DC. I grew up in Fairfax County, and the 'majority' minority were Asian kids (Korean and Vietnamese mostly), now I live in MoCo and Hispanic folks are the majority minority. Sometimes I'm surprised how few Asians I see in my day to day life when I venture back to Virginia.

No one guesses my bi-racial kid is mine. I love the looks on people's faces.

Asian American here. I’m always surprised at how many Asians there are in Virginia. We live in McLean and Tysons retail seems full of Asian shoppers. I see Asians everywhere in Arlington, Fairfax, Alexandria, Falls Church, everywhere.

I don’t see as many Asians in actual DC.

[Anonymous]

People in schools can be really mean and exclusive to members of their own race also. It’s not just that you are mixed race, AA, Asian or whatever. Some schools have a reputation for being just mean accepting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want my 100% Asian looking kid to be the only Asian in some Arlington schools in 22207. We bought in Vienna instead, where it's 25-30% Asian.

Are you worried about them possibly being discriminated against because they don't look white? Or celebrating two cultures kind of thing? Because the genetics reality is that so many of the white-Asian mix kids either look entirely white or white with maybe a hint of Asian features. Sometimes when I meet parents at birthday parties or at school I am surprised one parent is Asian because I would not have guessed it from their kid's appearance.

Wow. I didn't know 22207 lacked that much diversity. That was on our list when looking to move out of DC. I grew up in Fairfax County, and the 'majority' minority were Asian kids (Korean and Vietnamese mostly), now I live in MoCo and Hispanic folks are the majority minority. Sometimes I'm surprised how few Asians I see in my day to day life when I venture back to Virginia.

No one guesses my bi-racial kid is mine. I love the looks on people's faces.

Asian American here. I’m always surprised at how many Asians there are in Virginia. We live in McLean and Tysons retail seems full of Asian shoppers. I see Asians everywhere in Arlington, Fairfax, Alexandria, Falls Church, everywhere.

I don’t see as many Asians in actual DC.

PP here. The only consistent folks we came across was our car repair provider. It was family run, I remember I'd spend a bit longer chatting with the wife, because she reminded me of friends' Moms from growing up.

[Anonymous]

I recently listened to a whole explanation about the difference between being fully Asian and partly Asian and which exact background and so on and so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like diverse schools and the diversity should reflect the diversity %ages of the nation. I don’t care to be in a school that is 70% blacks and Hispanics.

I am ok with a school that has 5% Asians and 50% whites, And 20%each Hispanics and Blacks?

Not possible.? I would then want to be in a school that is doing very well academically.

Isn’t that a really racist preference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently listened to a whole explanation about the difference between being fully Asian and partly Asian and which exact background and so on and so on.

Could you please summarize it? What was your take-away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved from North Arlington to Fairfax County (to a lower rated school) because I did not want my mixed (south asian/white) children being the only non-white kids in their classes (and yes, North Arlington is VERY white). Been there, done that and I hated being one of three non-white kids in my class. I wanted my children to be part of an inclusive, diverse school. Our Fairfax County school is maybe 30% Asian/South Asian, 30% Hispanic, 30% White and 10% African-American/African/Mixed/Other. My kids have friends of all races/colors/religions, they have several other mixed-race friends, and they are very happy.

I’m mixed race and so is my husband, and North Arlington is not SO white that my kids have ever been “onlies.” It’s frustrating to me that people complain about the lack of diversity, but then people of color don’t ever move here. I mean, how will it ever change if people make the same decision you made? I understand your choice and don’t judge you for it, but I think we could easily tip this area to be more diverse if a few more folks moved in. It wouldn’t take much, and a lot of young families with one Asian parent have moved into my neighborhood lately, so I’m hopeful for change.

Here's the thing - I am not trying to experiment with MY kids. It is not the responsibility of my children to be the ones to diversify a school and deal with white people who would rather they not be there. We are in an entire race war in America right now because white Americans have their hair on fire over the prospect of their children being taught the truth about all the messed up things white people have done to minorities in the past.

Bully for you for willing to be a trailblazer and allow your children to be the blockbusters in N Arlington. It doesn't need to be me or my kids. The white people who choose to live in lily white communities are making an intentional choice. They don't say it in those terms, but we all know what is meant when they opine about looking for good schools and close knit neighborhoods and the like. I do not want to live amongst those people. Those are the people who will call the cops on your teen son if he half south Asian with darker skin. Those are the people who will quietly suggest that their son not date your daughter. There are many, many places to live in this region that have wonderful schools and diverse populations. They CHOSE the whitest of the white places. They will give a thousand reasons why a certain neighborhood was just the best on because of their commute, or the house was so charming, or they just love N. Arlington (or Chevy Chase, et al) but keep in mind that these people are going out of their way to find the whitest places on purpose. If you are east Asian and figure, well, that won't happen to us, because our kids are light skinned and will be considered acceptable, you are also part of the problem. So, don't complain about the other ways that white people discriminate against you if you aren't willing to also do what is right and not stand for all the other kinds of discrimination. This is how the model minority myth hurts us all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22:26 again.

Reading the responses by other posters above reminds me of the multiple threads every September/October about how a new preschool or elementary parent has difficulty finding a parent group at their child's school. The majority of these posters are white. It's a question of personality and persistence. If you're introverted, or not white, much older or much younger, or somehow different, you will have difficulty finding friends. Worse if you're a combination of three of those things, like me! My kids are teens and tweens now, but I learned to put myself forward, invite other parents, etc. I served on one school's PTA Board, which gave me lots of opportunities to get to know everyone. You can't be a retiring wallflower if you're not the standard issue white parent

I'm sorry, but no, this is not personality driven. I am an extrovert, I grew up in the midwest being the only Indian person in my class and I had a ton of friends, I had a ton of friends in college, I have a ton of friends at work, but the mom culture here leaves me out, as hard as I try. I met another south asian mom at our school who feels similarly excluded. She was also born and raised in the U.S. Both of us have always had majority white friends because of where we grew up/went to school.

Pp who pulled 4th Biracial child out again. I’m black. I don’t work so I volunteered a load, set up play dates, invited people over. Not reciprocated and both child and I excluded.

So we are just in preschool, but this makes SO much sense! I was so confused as to why I was having trouble fitting in with the other moms (I'm basically the same person as the South Asian midwesterner above) and hah, I just thought about it and I'm one of two moms of color. The other one has been absolutely lovely, while the white ones are cold and aloof. I've got a bunch of work friends and college friends in the area with kids around my kids' ages, so it really doesn't matter, but this is eye opening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22:26 again.

Reading the responses by other posters above reminds me of the multiple threads every September/October about how a new preschool or elementary parent has difficulty finding a parent group at their child's school. The majority of these posters are white. It's a question of personality and persistence. If you're introverted, or not white, much older or much younger, or somehow different, you will have difficulty finding friends. Worse if you're a combination of three of those things, like me! My kids are teens and tweens now, but I learned to put myself forward, invite other parents, etc. I served on one school's PTA Board, which gave me lots of opportunities to get to know everyone. You can't be a retiring wallflower if you're not the standard issue white parent

I'm sorry, but no, this is not personality driven. I am an extrovert, I grew up in the midwest being the only Indian person in my class and I had a ton of friends, I had a ton of friends in college, I have a ton of friends at work, but the mom culture here leaves me out, as hard as I try. I met another south asian mom at our school who feels similarly excluded. She was also born and raised in the U.S. Both of us have always had majority white friends because of where we grew up/went to school.

Pp who pulled 4th Biracial child out again. I’m black. I don’t work so I volunteered a load, set up play dates, invited people over. Not reciprocated and both child and I excluded.

So we are just in preschool, but this makes SO much sense! I was so confused as to why I was having trouble fitting in with the other moms (I'm basically the same person as the South Asian midwesterner above) and hah, I just thought about it and I'm one of two moms of color. The other one has been absolutely lovely, while the white ones are cold and aloof. I've got a bunch of work friends and college friends in the area with kids around my kids' ages, so it really doesn't matter, but this is eye opening.

It happens the other way too just FYI. I live in a majority minority city with no local friends. My son is 1/2 black and 1/2 white. Our preschool represents the diversity of the city and most of the males in my sons class are black. I have absolutely felt left out and I dont think it is malicious its just people tend to flock to those that seem like they may have the most in common with them. Funnily enough I actually attended a HBCU for my last two years so I am quite used to be a minority in a majority minority space.
I do anticipate that it will be hard in these first few years when a lot of friendships depend on parents and COVID has exacerbated the divide. But we moved here for my son. Many of the areas that we were looking at (certain parts of AACo or Mt Airy) were not great in the diversity department. I want him to have teachers, staff, and principals that are black or other minorities. If he grows up like I did then he would never see a minority in a position of power in the school. I went 12 years across 3 different states-2 elementary 2 middle and 4 different HS- without being taught by a single person of color.
One of the things that his father and I talk about a lot is raising him to experience joy while being black. My DH was raised as in a white-majority community and his own family put a lot of emphasis on the trauma of being black, honestly. There is no denying the trauma but there has to be more than that in his identity as a black man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much does this factor into what neighborhood you live in and what school you choose? I live in an area of NOVA that has a good number of Hispanics, Asians/East Asians and mixed kids, and my child is mixed Asian and white. I keep going back and forth on whether to find a house here or look in NW DC. I looked at Wilson High, Deal, Murch demographics and the numbers are more like 30-50%+ black and Hispanic and only 5% Asian and/or 2-5% mixed race. If you are a minority parent or parent to a mixed (especially Asian/other race mix), how did this factor into your decision making? Growing up in a white area myself, it was important for me to find an area that was racially and socioeconomically diverse, but I go back and forth on whether the specific kind of racial diversity is important. What are your thoughts? I hated being only one of 2 Asian kids in my school, so that is where I am coming from.

We are looking at purchasing a home and settling down and I would love to hear other opinions.

If your goal is to be around other Asians and mixed kids, you are MUCH more likely to find it in NOVA.

We are a Russian/Arab family. We picked NOVA suburbs because we wanted to be reasonably close to others in our diaspora, to language classes, cultural centers, arts, groceries etc. It would have been impossible in NW DC. I want my children to know who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child had lesbian parents and was 1/2 Asian and 1/2 white, where would you move and what neighborhood and specific schools would you think would be the best fit for your child? Thanks for any guidance!

Takoma Park.

Or DuPont circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does this factor into what neighborhood you live in and what school you choose? I live in an area of NOVA that has a good number of Hispanics, Asians/East Asians and mixed kids, and my child is mixed Asian and white. I keep going back and forth on whether to find a house here or look in NW DC. I looked at Wilson High, Deal, Murch demographics and the numbers are more like 30-50%+ black and Hispanic and only 5% Asian and/or 2-5% mixed race. If you are a minority parent or parent to a mixed (especially Asian/other race mix), how did this factor into your decision making? Growing up in a white area myself, it was important for me to find an area that was racially and socioeconomically diverse, but I go back and forth on whether the specific kind of racial diversity is important. What are your thoughts? I hated being only one of 2 Asian kids in my school, so that is where I am coming from.

We are looking at purchasing a home and settling down and I would love to hear other opinions.

Mixed Asian and white is basically white.

+1 I never thought of asians as not white until I started reading DCUM.

If they have a white parent most often they identify as white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in DCPS. The only thing important to me (at the time) was that my daughter go to a good school. She goes to a WOTP school and has been one of maybe 2-3 black kids in the class for the last 5 years. It wasn't an issue until she asked if she could go to a school with more black kids. She says no one has been mean to her, but she feels like she doesn't fit in. It's a tough thing to resolve. I haven't found any solutions yet.

They may not be mean but I can guarantee they are doing things to exclude her. I was one of only a few black kids at an all white school and it was not a good experience. Get her into a more diverse school before her self esteem ends up damaged.

I'm sure this kind of thing occurs all over the US. It was not my experience growing up in a small mostly white town. I'm black. Blacks were less than 1% in the whole high school. All of my friends were white growing up. I went to birthday parties, sleepovers, and I travelled with friends' families. I never felt excluded. I didn't exactly fit in with the black population when I went to college at a diverse school in a diverse city.

My kids are mixed (black/white). My oldest (14) doesn't feel like he fits in with many blacks. My youngest is 10 and sort of feels the same way, but he's a more outgoing person and pays less attention to things like this. We bought a house in November in a mostly white neighborhood that feeds into a diverse school. I like the exposure my kids will get in school. It was something I didn't get when I was a kid. Not having exposure to other cultures made it much harder to fit in with my own culture as an adult.