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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]22:26 again.

Reading the responses by other posters above reminds me of the multiple threads every September/October about how a new preschool or elementary parent has difficulty finding a parent group at their child's school. The majority of these posters are white. It's a question of personality and persistence. If you're introverted, or not white, much older or much younger, or somehow different, you will have difficulty finding friends. Worse if you're a combination of three of those things, like me! My kids are teens and tweens now, but I learned to put myself forward, invite other parents, etc. I served on one school's PTA Board, which gave me lots of opportunities to get to know everyone. You can't be a retiring wallflower if you're not the standard issue white parent :-)

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I'm sorry, but no, this is not personality driven.  I am an extrovert, I grew up in the midwest being the only Indian person in my class and I had a ton of friends, I had a ton of friends in college, I have a ton of friends at work, but the mom culture here leaves me out, as hard as I try.  I met another south asian mom at our school who feels similarly excluded.  She was also born and raised in the U.S.  Both of us have always had majority white friends because of where we grew up/went to school.  [/quote]

Pp who pulled 4th Biracial child out again. I’m black. I don’t work so I volunteered a load, set up play dates, invited people over. Not reciprocated and both child and I excluded. [/quote]

So we are just in preschool, but this makes SO much sense!  I was so confused as to why I was having trouble fitting in with the other moms (I'm basically the same person as the South Asian midwesterner above) and hah, I just thought about it and I'm one of two moms of color.  The other one has been absolutely lovely, while the white ones are cold and aloof. I've got a bunch of work friends and college friends in the area with kids around my kids' ages, so it really doesn't matter, but this is eye opening.[/quote]

It happens the other way too just FYI. I live in a majority minority city with no local friends. My son is 1/2 black and 1/2 white. Our preschool represents the diversity of the city and most of the males in my sons class are black. I have absolutely felt left out and I dont think it is malicious its just people tend to flock to those that seem like they may have the most in common with them. Funnily enough I actually attended a HBCU for my last two years so I am quite used to be a minority in a majority minority space. 
I do anticipate that it will be hard in these first few years when a lot of friendships depend on parents and COVID has exacerbated the divide. But we moved here for my son. Many of the areas that we were looking at (certain parts of AACo or Mt Airy) were not great in the diversity department. I want him to have teachers, staff, and principals that are black or other minorities. If he grows up like I did then he would never see a minority in a position of power in the school. I went 12 years across 3 different states-2 elementary 2 middle and 4 different HS- without being taught by a single person of color. 
One of the things that his father and I talk about a lot is raising him to experience joy while being black. My DH was raised as in a white-majority community and his own family put a lot of emphasis on the trauma of being black, honestly. There is no denying the trauma but there has to be more than that in his identity as a black man. [/quote]

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