If you’re a minority or parent to a mixed race child

[Anonymous]

I totally believe you PP. We are also a family of color and my kids have definitely been excluded by other parents from their social events and parties.

[Anonymous]

22:26 again.

Reading the responses by other posters above reminds me of the multiple threads every September/October about how a new preschool or elementary parent has difficulty finding a parent group at their child's school. The majority of these posters are white. It's a question of personality and persistence. If you're introverted, or not white, much older or much younger, or somehow different, you will have difficulty finding friends. Worse if you're a combination of three of those things, like me! My kids are teens and tweens now, but I learned to put myself forward, invite other parents, etc. I served on one school's PTA Board, which gave me lots of opportunities to get to know everyone. You can't be a retiring wallflower if you're not the standard issue white parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in DCPS. The only thing important to me (at the time) was that my daughter go to a good school. She goes to a WOTP school and has been one of maybe 2-3 black kids in the class for the last 5 years. It wasn't an issue until she asked if she could go to a school with more black kids. She says no one has been mean to her, but she feels like she doesn't fit in. It's a tough thing to resolve. I haven't found any solutions yet.

They may not be mean but I can guarantee they are doing things to exclude her. I was one of only a few black kids at an all white school and it was not a good experience. Get her into a more diverse school before her self esteem ends up damaged.

+1
I would not send my white child to an all black school for the same reason.

I think there is some overlap, but it's different if your kid is the majority race in society and hasn't faced societal discrimination.

Hasn't faced societal discrimination? Are you kidding me?
Easy to say if you aren't the only white kid in an all black school.

PP here. No, white kids do not experience societal/institutional discrimination.

Btw, our neighborhood school is predominantly AA, although there are a few white kids there. They're doing fine and haven't experienced any race-based issues.

It sounds like you are fortunate enough to attend one of the few predominately AA schools that is decent. Many people don't have that choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am mixed race and international and grew up in a variety of countries and school systems.

I found it is always best to chose quality of education over any other criteria. Usually good schools will have socially-aware, politically-correct families who tend to be respectful of racial and cultural differences, and if not that, to at least pay lip service to those concepts.

Therefore I chose to live in Bethesda where there is a preponderance of wealthy white families, but some that are culturally Asians, Europeans, Central or South Americans and a scattering of others. Not too many Africans or African-Americans, which last is a consequence of Montgomery County's old real estate segregation, sadly. The ones I have met all moved to Bethesda for the schools. And speaking of...

I also have friends who live elsewhere in MoCo. They have told me interesting stories about the assumptions based on skin color, made in minority-majority districts. Assumptions made by teachers about Black students, and pressures Black students place among themselves. Don't know if it's the same for Latino groups. In certain schools, racism between minorities is expected and is so rampant, it's not dealt with as forcefully as the blackface incident at Walt Whitman last year, for example. I commented at length about that on a previous thread on race perceptions in MCPS.

Pick a school where your kid will have the best education money can buy (money for real estate, or money for private school tuition). The rest you and your child will learn to navigate.

I’m the PP whose 4th child has a bad experience. That is what we did. Bought into an expensive neighborhood because of the it was zoned for the best (99% white) school. It may have been a one off for us but it did not work out school wise and we pulled my 4th out.
It was a wise real estate investment but a poor school choice for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in DCPS. The only thing important to me (at the time) was that my daughter go to a good school. She goes to a WOTP school and has been one of maybe 2-3 black kids in the class for the last 5 years. It wasn't an issue until she asked if she could go to a school with more black kids. She says no one has been mean to her, but she feels like she doesn't fit in. It's a tough thing to resolve. I haven't found any solutions yet.

They may not be mean but I can guarantee they are doing things to exclude her. I was one of only a few black kids at an all white school and it was not a good experience. Get her into a more diverse school before her self esteem ends up damaged.

+1
I would not send my white child to an all black school for the same reason.

I think there is some overlap, but it's different if your kid is the majority race in society and hasn't faced societal discrimination.

Hasn't faced societal discrimination? Are you kidding me?
Easy to say if you aren't the only white kid in an all black school.

PP here. No, white kids do not experience societal/institutional discrimination.

Btw, our neighborhood school is predominantly AA, although there are a few white kids there. They're doing fine and haven't experienced any race-based issues.

I have a bi-racial child and a white child. My white child was the only white kid in his class one year and didn't have any problems. Now we are in a predominantly white neighborhood. My bi-racial child has had repeated "discipline" issues with his school even though his behavior is completely typical. The white kids don't treat him like a white kid, even though he's half white. The black kids treat him like a black kid. I've heard that bi-racial kids sometimes choose one race over the other to identify with, and I now think this has to do with how accepting the racial groups are around them are of them, more than their self-identity.

I'm a white single mom, and I am prepared to be a part of whatever black community my kid finds for himself as he grows up, since he is clearly more accepted as a black person than as a white person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22:26 again.

Reading the responses by other posters above reminds me of the multiple threads every September/October about how a new preschool or elementary parent has difficulty finding a parent group at their child's school. The majority of these posters are white. It's a question of personality and persistence. If you're introverted, or not white, much older or much younger, or somehow different, you will have difficulty finding friends. Worse if you're a combination of three of those things, like me! My kids are teens and tweens now, but I learned to put myself forward, invite other parents, etc. I served on one school's PTA Board, which gave me lots of opportunities to get to know everyone. You can't be a retiring wallflower if you're not the standard issue white parent

I'm sorry, but no, this is not personality driven. I am an extrovert, I grew up in the midwest being the only Indian person in my class and I had a ton of friends, I had a ton of friends in college, I have a ton of friends at work, but the mom culture here leaves me out, as hard as I try. I met another south asian mom at our school who feels similarly excluded. She was also born and raised in the U.S. Both of us have always had majority white friends because of where we grew up/went to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally believe you PP. We are also a family of color and my kids have definitely been excluded by other parents from their social events and parties.

Np here. We are Asian American and have never felt excluded. African Americans are often super popular, especially the athletes.

When I was a kid, I was the token Asian American and was also never excluded.

The nicest kid of all my kids’ friends was African American. This is elementary. He was really outgoing, smart and well liked. In preschool, there was an adopted black child who was also so kind. We invited him over often.

There are kids of all backgrounds who my kids don’t click with, were mean to my kid or just not close that we don’t hang out with. Race is never the reason.

[Anonymous]

We are 1/2 Asian and live in Fairfax county with a school that's evenly distributed between asians, whites & blacks. My kids have friends from many backgrounds, Russians, Africans, Asian and many of them are bi-racial. It's pretty inclusive environment and I am impressed by the things they learn about their friend's cultures. It's also nice to see other families where the children are bi-racial. It sucks when kids don't understand why you don't look like your parents and think you are adopted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are 1/2 Asian and live in Fairfax county with a school that's evenly distributed between asians, whites & blacks. My kids have friends from many backgrounds, Russians, Africans, Asian and many of them are bi-racial. It's pretty inclusive environment and I am impressed by the things they learn about their friend's cultures. It's also nice to see other families where the children are bi-racial. It sucks when kids don't understand why you don't look like your parents and think you are adopted.

Do you mind telling me what area this is, or what middle and high schools?

[Anonymous]

I have a mixed asian child.

A few black and hispanic kids are the only racist ones we have encountered (they were racist against asians). Surprised me. It was very few.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mixed asian child.

A few black and hispanic kids are the only racist ones we have encountered (they were racist against asians). Surprised me. It was very few.

Same. Black and Hispanics were the only ones who made fun of me because I was Asian. Whites never did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22:26 again.

Reading the responses by other posters above reminds me of the multiple threads every September/October about how a new preschool or elementary parent has difficulty finding a parent group at their child's school. The majority of these posters are white. It's a question of personality and persistence. If you're introverted, or not white, much older or much younger, or somehow different, you will have difficulty finding friends. Worse if you're a combination of three of those things, like me! My kids are teens and tweens now, but I learned to put myself forward, invite other parents, etc. I served on one school's PTA Board, which gave me lots of opportunities to get to know everyone. You can't be a retiring wallflower if you're not the standard issue white parent

I'm sorry, but no, this is not personality driven. I am an extrovert, I grew up in the midwest being the only Indian person in my class and I had a ton of friends, I had a ton of friends in college, I have a ton of friends at work, but the mom culture here leaves me out, as hard as I try. I met another south asian mom at our school who feels similarly excluded. She was also born and raised in the U.S. Both of us have always had majority white friends because of where we grew up/went to school.

Pp who pulled 4th Biracial child out again. I’m black. I don’t work so I volunteered a load, set up play dates, invited people over. Not reciprocated and both child and I excluded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are 1/2 Asian and live in Fairfax county with a school that's evenly distributed between asians, whites & blacks. My kids have friends from many backgrounds, Russians, Africans, Asian and many of them are bi-racial. It's pretty inclusive environment and I am impressed by the things they learn about their friend's cultures. It's also nice to see other families where the children are bi-racial. It sucks when kids don't understand why you don't look like your parents and think you are adopted.

Do you mind telling me what area this is, or what middle and high schools?

South County. Go Stallions!!

[Anonymous]

Loudoun. Many more asians than white, even in the so called whiter schools you will have a massive proportion of Asians.

[Anonymous]

My kids are Asian. DH is american Asian, and he grew up in a white neighborhood, felt really odd. He told me that he had cultural shock when he went to college where there were many international Asians studying there. I am typical Asian. We live in a white neighborhood with decent amount of Asians. We have many Asian supermarket & restaurants nearby.

My outgoing oldest boy does not speak home language, loves american food & has no problem making friends. His friend circles happen to be mostly non Asians because of his personalities (into all types of sports & not sitting still to study type). My quiet youngest girl speak home language, loves Asian food, and her friend circle is small. She is the follower type.