If you’re a minority or parent to a mixed race child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22:26 again.

Reading the responses by other posters above reminds me of the multiple threads every September/October about how a new preschool or elementary parent has difficulty finding a parent group at their child's school. The majority of these posters are white. It's a question of personality and persistence. If you're introverted, or not white, much older or much younger, or somehow different, you will have difficulty finding friends. Worse if you're a combination of three of those things, like me! My kids are teens and tweens now, but I learned to put myself forward, invite other parents, etc. I served on one school's PTA Board, which gave me lots of opportunities to get to know everyone. You can't be a retiring wallflower if you're not the standard issue white parent

I'm sorry, but no, this is not personality driven. I am an extrovert, I grew up in the midwest being the only Indian person in my class and I had a ton of friends, I had a ton of friends in college, I have a ton of friends at work, but the mom culture here leaves me out, as hard as I try. I met another south asian mom at our school who feels similarly excluded. She was also born and raised in the U.S. Both of us have always had majority white friends because of where we grew up/went to school.

Pp who pulled 4th Biracial child out again. I’m black. I don’t work so I volunteered a load, set up play dates, invited people over. Not reciprocated and both child and I excluded.

The most popular kids at our school are biracial. Mom is white. Dad is black. Kids very well liked by all.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to add that there are not many biracial students but they happen to be very well liked.

My child is friends with a half Indian half white boy and he is also popular.

Then there are some white kids, asian kids and Hispanic kids who aren’t so popular.

Race has less to do with it. The popular kids are friendly, outgoing and confident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much does this factor into what neighborhood you live in and what school you choose? I live in an area of NOVA that has a good number of Hispanics, Asians/East Asians and mixed kids, and my child is mixed Asian and white. I keep going back and forth on whether to find a house here or look in NW DC. I looked at Wilson High, Deal, Murch demographics and the numbers are more like 30-50%+ black and Hispanic and only 5% Asian and/or 2-5% mixed race. If you are a minority parent or parent to a mixed (especially Asian/other race mix), how did this factor into your decision making? Growing up in a white area myself, it was important for me to find an area that was racially and socioeconomically diverse, but I go back and forth on whether the specific kind of racial diversity is important. What are your thoughts? I hated being only one of 2 Asian kids in my school, so that is where I am coming from.

We are looking at purchasing a home and settling down and I would love to hear other opinions.

Mixed Asian and white is basically white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not in DC area but our choice of schools was most definitely informed by the school’s policy on diversity.

School’s don’t have a “policy on diversity”. How diverse they are depends on the area they are located in. Schools don’t get to pick how diverse they want to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are Asian in a 60% white, 10% Asian school. They hate being a minority, but at this point they are also so attached to their friends and neighbors that moving is out of the question.

How are Asians treated like a minority?
I can’t imagine that being Asian is any way a hindrance to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am white and DH is Asian, kid is biracial and does not pass for white, but is probably sometimes clocked as another ethnicity. We intentionally moved to a school that was somewhat less Asian than she would have attended, because her current school is also less white, with a much clearer majority of color (85% instead of ~50%). Cross-cultural solidarity was more important to us than her having lots of specifically Asian peers. The school is fairly mixed in terms of race and ethnicity, with lots of kids of immigrants— she fits right in.

85% students of color is not an accurate reflection of the US. I understand wanting to attend a school that is not too white and wanting it to reflect the demographics of the US, but whites make up way more than 30% of the US. So how is it doing them ay favors to attend a school with an ethnic makeup that is so far removed from the demographics of the county they live in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]When we were looking to buy, we made sure we bought in a predominantly Asian neighborhood. I too grew up as the only Asian kid in class, and it was awful. Our current school is 49% Asian.

[/b]


I hate for this to sound rude, but if it really bothers you to live in an area without a lot of Asians, why live in this country? An area in the US with 49% Asian is not at all reflective of the US. I don’t understand why people move to countries were they will be by
far in the minority, if being a minority is so troubling to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in DCPS. The only thing important to me (at the time) was that my daughter go to a good school. She goes to a WOTP school and has been one of maybe 2-3 black kids in the class for the last 5 years. It wasn't an issue until she asked if she could go to a school with more black kids. She says no one has been mean to her, but she feels like she doesn't fit in. It's a tough thing to resolve. I haven't found any solutions yet.

They may not be mean but I can guarantee they are doing things to exclude her. I was one of only a few black kids at an all white school and it was not a good experience. Get her into a more diverse school before her self esteem ends up damaged.

+1
I would not send my white child to an all black school for the same reason.

I think there is some overlap, but it's different if your kid is the majority race in society and hasn't faced societal discrimination.

Hasn't faced societal discrimination? Are you kidding me?
Easy to say if you aren't the only white kid in an all black school.

PP here. No, white kids do not experience societal/institutional discrimination.

Btw, our neighborhood school is predominantly AA, although there are a few white kids there. They're doing fine and haven't experienced any race-based issues.

I have a bi-racial child and a white child. My white child was the only white kid in his class one year and didn't have any problems. Now we are in a predominantly white neighborhood. My bi-racial child has had repeated "discipline" issues with his school even though his behavior is completely typical. The white kids don't treat him like a white kid, even though he's half white. The black kids treat him like a black kid. I've heard that bi-racial kids sometimes choose one race over the other to identify with, and I now think this has to do with how accepting the racial groups are around them are of them, more than their self-identity.

I'm a white single mom, and I am prepared to be a part of whatever black community my kid finds for himself as he grows up, since he is clearly more accepted as a black person than as a white person.

I think you get it.

Genetics are weird and my younger child doesn’t “look” AA, but is clearly not white. She has had much less discomfort in all black settings, despite her phenotype.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to add that there are not many biracial students but they happen to be very well liked.

My child is friends with a half Indian half white boy and he is also popular.

Then there are some white kids, asian kids and Hispanic kids who aren’t so popular.

Race has less to do with it. The popular kids are friendly, outgoing and confident.

In my experience popularity has more to do with outgoingness and confidence. Plenty of popular kids aren’t necessarily friendly. They’re friendly to the cool kids but not everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in DCPS. The only thing important to me (at the time) was that my daughter go to a good school. She goes to a WOTP school and has been one of maybe 2-3 black kids in the class for the last 5 years. It wasn't an issue until she asked if she could go to a school with more black kids. She says no one has been mean to her, but she feels like she doesn't fit in. It's a tough thing to resolve. I haven't found any solutions yet.

They may not be mean but I can guarantee they are doing things to exclude her. I was one of only a few black kids at an all white school and it was not a good experience. Get her into a more diverse school before her self esteem ends up damaged.

+1
I would not send my white child to an all black school for the same reason.

I think there is some overlap, but it's different if your kid is the majority race in society and hasn't faced societal discrimination.

Hasn't faced societal discrimination? Are you kidding me?
Easy to say if you aren't the only white kid in an all black school.

PP here. No, white kids do not experience societal/institutional discrimination.

Btw, our neighborhood school is predominantly AA, although there are a few white kids there. They're doing fine and haven't experienced any race-based issues.

I have a bi-racial child and a white child. My white child was the only white kid in his class one year and didn't have any problems. Now we are in a predominantly white neighborhood. My bi-racial child has had repeated "discipline" issues with his school even though his behavior is completely typical. The white kids don't treat him like a white kid, even though he's half white. The black kids treat him like a black kid. I've heard that bi-racial kids sometimes choose one race over the other to identify with, and I now think this has to do with how accepting the racial groups are around them are of them, more than their self-identity.

I'm a white single mom, and I am prepared to be a part of whatever black community my kid finds for himself as he grows up, since he is clearly more accepted as a black person than as a white person.

I think you get it.

Genetics are weird and my younger child doesn’t “look” AA, but is clearly not white. She has had much less discomfort in all black settings, despite her phenotype.

Dark features tend to be dominant, so she probaby looks more black than white as most AA/White kids do. The rare mixed kids that look white like Megan Markle tend to be more of a part of the white community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are Asian in a 60% white, 10% Asian school. They hate being a minority, but at this point they are also so attached to their friends and neighbors that moving is out of the question.

How are Asians treated like a minority?
I can’t imagine that being Asian is any way a hindrance to them.

Spoken as a non-Asian, clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are Asian in a 60% white, 10% Asian school. They hate being a minority, but at this point they are also so attached to their friends and neighbors that moving is out of the question.

How are Asians treated like a minority?
I can’t imagine that being Asian is any way a hindrance to them.

Spoken as a non-Asian, clearly.

Asian kids get all the negatives and none of the positives of being a minority. Backhanded compliments about being nerdy, bullying comments about language and thin eyes in school. Then after they put up with the teasing for 12 years, they get the added benefit of being the only minority required to score 200 points on the SAT to get admitted to the same colleges as white kids (or 400 points higher than black kids)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does this factor into what neighborhood you live in and what school you choose? I live in an area of NOVA that has a good number of Hispanics, Asians/East Asians and mixed kids, and my child is mixed Asian and white. I keep going back and forth on whether to find a house here or look in NW DC. I looked at Wilson High, Deal, Murch demographics and the numbers are more like 30-50%+ black and Hispanic and only 5% Asian and/or 2-5% mixed race. If you are a minority parent or parent to a mixed (especially Asian/other race mix), how did this factor into your decision making? Growing up in a white area myself, it was important for me to find an area that was racially and socioeconomically diverse, but I go back and forth on whether the specific kind of racial diversity is important. What are your thoughts? I hated being only one of 2 Asian kids in my school, so that is where I am coming from.

We are looking at purchasing a home and settling down and I would love to hear other opinions.

Mixed Asian and white is basically white.

? No, they are not. They don't look white. They look more Asian, and in some cases, even Hispanic. Very few look mostly white.

-signed mom of two asian/white kids who also has lots of friends who have mixed asian/white kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does this factor into what neighborhood you live in and what school you choose? I live in an area of NOVA that has a good number of Hispanics, Asians/East Asians and mixed kids, and my child is mixed Asian and white. I keep going back and forth on whether to find a house here or look in NW DC. I looked at Wilson High, Deal, Murch demographics and the numbers are more like 30-50%+ black and Hispanic and only 5% Asian and/or 2-5% mixed race. If you are a minority parent or parent to a mixed (especially Asian/other race mix), how did this factor into your decision making? Growing up in a white area myself, it was important for me to find an area that was racially and socioeconomically diverse, but I go back and forth on whether the specific kind of racial diversity is important. What are your thoughts? I hated being only one of 2 Asian kids in my school, so that is where I am coming from.

We are looking at purchasing a home and settling down and I would love to hear other opinions.

Mixed Asian and white is basically white.

+1 I never thought of asians as not white until I started reading DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does this factor into what neighborhood you live in and what school you choose? I live in an area of NOVA that has a good number of Hispanics, Asians/East Asians and mixed kids, and my child is mixed Asian and white. I keep going back and forth on whether to find a house here or look in NW DC. I looked at Wilson High, Deal, Murch demographics and the numbers are more like 30-50%+ black and Hispanic and only 5% Asian and/or 2-5% mixed race. If you are a minority parent or parent to a mixed (especially Asian/other race mix), how did this factor into your decision making? Growing up in a white area myself, it was important for me to find an area that was racially and socioeconomically diverse, but I go back and forth on whether the specific kind of racial diversity is important. What are your thoughts? I hated being only one of 2 Asian kids in my school, so that is where I am coming from.

We are looking at purchasing a home and settling down and I would love to hear other opinions.

Mixed Asian and white is basically white.

+1 I never thought of asians as not white until I started reading DCUM.

Really? Maybe you should fax that over to Harvard admissions office because they make it blatantly clear that asians are not white