Considering an affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Humans are not meant to be monogamous

Yes, they are

[Anonymous]

Show interest in him like you would anyone. Make conversation about getting a drink together after work. He will take the lead if he is into it.

And no, most affairs do not get discovered. Mine didn't but that doesn't mean things can't get complicated. My AP was in a marriage with a void and when I became the void it put a lot of pressure on me to fill that need. Eventually, the fun was eclipsed by the hassle and that's when people get hurt. But good memories, for sure and it got us both through rough patches.

Oh, and never, ever text. Use a burner email or something similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t. You will scratch your itch but later on you may end up dealing with a lot of troubles (breaking your spouse trust, possible divorce, messing up your colleague family, your kids in therapy after separation, lawyers bills etc). Not worth the risk.

OP here. I am aware of the consequences of my actions should it be found out. However, that wasn't the intent of my post. I am interested in pursuing this, just not sure how as I've never had an affair before. I know it's wrong on many levels to sleep with a man thats not my husband. That doesnt change the fact I still want to, and would given the chance. I just dont know how to approach him, and I may very well get shut down if he is like the rest of you shaking your finger at me

I think ... you just tell him. One day over coffee just tell him you are wildly attracted to him and see what he says. It might move forward from there.

No. Men want to think they’re pursuing, even if they’re it. Give him a few openings and let him come to you. If he doesn’t get the first few hints you can make it a little more obvious but if he doesn’t bite then, drop it. Oh, and don’t shit where you eat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t. You will scratch your itch but later on you may end up dealing with a lot of troubles (breaking your spouse trust, possible divorce, messing up your colleague family, your kids in therapy after separation, lawyers bills etc). Not worth the risk.

OP here. I am aware of the consequences of my actions should it be found out. However, that wasn't the intent of my post. I am interested in pursuing this, just not sure how as I've never had an affair before. I know it's wrong on many levels to sleep with a man thats not my husband. That doesnt change the fact I still want to, and would given the chance. I just dont know how to approach him, and I may very well get shut down if he is like the rest of you shaking your finger at me

I think ... you just tell him. One day over coffee just tell him you are wildly attracted to him and see what he says. It might move forward from there.

No. Men want to think they’re pursuing, even if they’re it. Give him a few openings and let him come to you. If he doesn’t get the first few hints you can make it a little more obvious but if he doesn’t bite then, drop it. Oh, and don’t shit where you eat!

That's fine for you. I've always had success with this method. I've been approaching men since HS. Either they like it and ask me out or they don't and they don't ask me out. But that's me. OP do what works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both married with kids, how do I test the waters and let him know I am interested? We will be working on a personal project together the next few months, and its an itch I want to scratch, but at same time don't want to make it completely awkward if he's just not interested. What do I do? Met him 3 months ago and I am wildly attracted to him. I am attractive and feel like there could be interest, but just not sure. I've never cheated and this is the first time I have been interested in pursuing something outside of my marriage. I know Im going to get skewered on here for this post, but could use some thoughtful guidance.

Thanks....

I thought I'd read it all until I read your request for "thoughtful guidance" on how to cheat. If you can't figure that one out on your own I think you're destined to make a mess of things. Have at it. My heart goes out to your kids. Great job there, mom. Happy (early) Mother's Day. And yes, I'm trying to make you feel like shit and if you don't want to read it scroll on by. You put your business out there in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Humans are not meant to be monogamous

Yes, they are

With a little imagination monogamy can be fine. Even vanilla ice cream can get boring. My DH and I aren't kinky by any stretch of the imagination but we both love variety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go read some of the stories on surviving infidelity or talk about marriage, and then see if you still want to be a cheater. Maybe consider getting individual counseling to figure out why you think potentially blowing up your family could be a good idea.

Seriously? Those stories do nothing for me. I always end up thinking how pathetic the cheated upon seem.

I mean... you’re probably a sociopath. Just go ahead and do it, if you lose at least some access to your children they are probably better off.

I was thinking the same. This OP is missing something.

Yep. Sex.

--NP

Nope. Empathy.

Until you have endured years of no sex/affection from the person who is supposed to WANT to have sex with you, and lacks empathy to meet the basic spousal needs you have repeatedly brought to their attention, please climb down from your high horse and STFU.

Signed, Not OP

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, even if you have justified cheating in your own marriage, you still must know that it's not okay to target a married man for your fun. He may not want to cheat but you lead him astray- that's wrong. If you're upset and not getting any in your own marriage and you believe cheating is the answer, at least find a single man.

Bullshit. The only marriage OP would be breaking is her own.

Assuming the man isn’t mentally incapacitated, his actions and choices are 100% on him. If he cheats, he breaks up his own marriage.

[Anonymous]

I'm the 2 year affair PP. To answer the previous questions, my DH wanted to work things out and give me a second chance. He requested couples therapy, and we are both invested in that process. I am also in individual counseling. Trust is an ongoing process. it will take a lot of time, but we are working on it. OPen and honest communication and lots of time.

I broke things off with AP right away and have had no contact since the breakup.

[Anonymous]

This happened at my workplace with my boss and a coworker. All was “well” for over a year, then it blew up. He ended up getting fired, she is transferring. Both their spouses are divorcing them and their kids, who are old enough to understand what they did, are refusing contact. We are all stuck cleaning up the mess, but they’ve both ruined their lives. And for nothing.

Don’t shit where you eat. They thought they were being clever but literally everyone knew what they were up to. It lasted until one of them did something that pissed someone off and that person decided to use the information to make a complaint of harassment and favoritism. But they’d lost everyone’s respect long before that. Not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Assuming your marriage is not unhealthy.....

Enjoy the heck out of the rush of thinking of this person. AND, recognize pursuing this extracurricular would soon become a normal relationship with all the ups downs and annoyances while simultaneously damaging or completely ruining your relationships with spouse, children, social circle, in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both married with kids, how do I test the waters and let him know I am interested? We will be working on a personal project together the next few months, and its an itch I want to scratch, but at same time don't want to make it completely awkward if he's just not interested. What do I do? Met him 3 months ago and I am wildly attracted to him. I am attractive and feel like there could be interest, but just not sure. I've never cheated and this is the first time I have been interested in pursuing something outside of my marriage. I know Im going to get skewered on here for this post, but could use some thoughtful guidance.

Thanks....

Sure, have fun and then watch two marriages, two careers and whatever respect people have for you get flushed down the drain because you have an itch you want to scratch. If you have an itch, buy some calamine lotion.

[Anonymous]

If you are working on a project together for a few months, I would wait til the project is ending to avoid any issues. Imagine if you hooked up and things went south. Your project could go south as well. In the meantime, go to lunch with him and flirt. Wear a cute dress and work it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a stupid way to scratch an itch. Find a better way.

OP here. A better way...how? Clearly I am not happy with what I am getting at home and conversations about our sex life has gotten us nowhere. On top of that, my husband travels and who knows what he is doing on these trips where he's staying out after midnight "entertaining clients". So maybe before anyone judges, its not always one sided. I am just trying to find a discreet way to fill a void in my marriage without blowing up my family. Unlike a lot of women on dcum, i need regular sex in my life and that is just not happening.

Then talk to your husband about an open marriage. Having an affair with someone you work with is hardly discreet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just divorce instead of turning into a slut? Your marriage is obviously over if you are considering an affair.

OP here. Well, let's see. It is possible to love your family, children, and yet still desire other things. My consideration of an affair doesn't mean I care about my family less than you care about yours, I am just thinking about it and putting my thoughts in an anonymous public forum. I care about my marriage and neither my husband and I have a desire to end it, however, we are both upfront about the fact that there's something missing presently and I have voiced my desire to have an open marriage in the past. He has never explicitly opposed it, but I doubt I'll ever get his blessing either. As far as "blowing up" someone else's marriage, the man I am interested in is an adult, and he can make his own decisions. Should I decide to let him know I'm interested, and he doesn't take the bait, I'm not going to continue the pursuit.

I'm curious OP...
What makes you think it'll be an ongoing affair? I mean he is married with kids so what makes you think he'll be available for regular rendezvous?
You mentioned that you "need regular sex in my life and that is just not happening." So what makes you so certain that he won't just hit it and quit it either due to the guilt from cheating on his wife or due to the awkwardness of screwing a co-worker?

If you're truly considering it then try and put some actual thought into it and ask yourself, "What are the odds of this actually ending up all roses and rainbows as I daydream it will be and what are the odds it A) becomes a drama-filled disaster or B) it never pans out as I envisioned because he doesn't have the availability or the moral apathy that I have?"