Working partners, do you resent your non-working spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong!!!! I could stay at home and do nothing if I wanted to. I took my time going to school, getting a PhD, looking for a job, etc. I am lucky to have enough family money where I did not NEED to work so I waited until I found something I really liked. I am married and have 2 kids so even if I did not work and kept my FT nanny, I would still have something to do and things to take care of (volunteering at the kids’ school, enriching activities for the weekend, etc), but I would feel useless and soooo bored. Unless you two (PP and OP) are at home studying, writing books, or becoming experts at something, I could never imagine living in your emptiness. Again, I work because I want to and not because I need to.

Awesome, I'm glad your work is so fulfilling and that you had the fortune to be able to find something to do that you love. Now imagine if that thing you love doing didn't provide you with a paycheck. That's what my life is like, and how I imagine OP's. The only difference is that the thing you choose to do for a stimulating life involves getting paid for it. Ours doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong!!!! I could stay at home and do nothing if I wanted to. I took my time going to school, getting a PhD, looking for a job, etc. I am lucky to have enough family money where I did not NEED to work so I waited until I found something I really liked. I am married and have 2 kids so even if I did not work and kept my FT nanny, I would still have something to do and things to take care of (volunteering at the kids’ school, enriching activities for the weekend, etc), but I would feel useless and soooo bored. Unless you two (PP and OP) are at home studying, writing books, or becoming experts at something, I could never imagine living in your emptiness. Again, I work because I want to and not because I need to.

Awesome, I'm glad your work is so fulfilling and that you had the fortune to be able to find something to do that you love. Now imagine if that thing you love doing didn't provide you with a paycheck. That's what my life is like, and how I imagine OP's. The only difference is that the thing you choose to do for a stimulating life involves getting paid for it. Ours doesn't.

No, my work has a purpose. Taking care of an empty house is NOT a purpose. If you were volunteering several days a week and your work had a purpose, then yes, I agree. But if you do nothing purposeful other than “how many shows should I watch today” or “which gym class should I take at the gym”, then your day to day life has no purpose. But please tell what is your purpose. My work involves research and the purpose of my work is to eradicate world poverty. Also, I have two kids and I am trying (to the best of my ability) to give them a happy life and teaching my daughters that even if they will never NEED to work, they can still contribute by doing something meaningful that is not clean up after their husband 30 minutes of everyday.

[Anonymous]

My working partner LOVES that I stay home and manage everything. He can just focus on his work and clients. Nothing with the kids, house, yard, vacation, planning, schools, doctor visits, snow days, gift-purchasing, food, errands, etc. ever affects him.

In fact, when asked what the secret to his success is, he says me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My working partner LOVES that I stay home and manage everything. He can just focus on his work and clients. Nothing with the kids, house, yard, vacation, planning, schools, doctor visits, snow days, gift-purchasing, food, errands, etc. ever affects him.

In fact, when asked what the secret to his success is, he says me!

I do all this too, and have a job. Big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My working partner LOVES that I stay home and manage everything. He can just focus on his work and clients. Nothing with the kids, house, yard, vacation, planning, schools, doctor visits, snow days, gift-purchasing, food, errands, etc. ever affects him.

In fact, when asked what the secret to his success is, he says me!

I do all this too, and have a job. Big deal.

I hope for both of your sakes your spouses appreciate you doing everything on the home-front and don't take that for granted. And if anything happens to you I hope he can step up. Some things are not out-sourceable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My working partner LOVES that I stay home and manage everything. He can just focus on his work and clients. Nothing with the kids, house, yard, vacation, planning, schools, doctor visits, snow days, gift-purchasing, food, errands, etc. ever affects him.

In fact, when asked what the secret to his success is, he says me!

I do all this too, and have a job. Big deal.

It's 3:40pm ET on DCUM. I don't have a job but you do. Hmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My working partner LOVES that I stay home and manage everything. He can just focus on his work and clients. Nothing with the kids, house, yard, vacation, planning, schools, doctor visits, snow days, gift-purchasing, food, errands, etc. ever affects him.

In fact, when asked what the secret to his success is, he says me!

I do all this too, and have a job. Big deal.

It's 3:40pm ET on DCUM. I don't have a job but you do. Hmm.

You don't think she has a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My working partner LOVES that I stay home and manage everything. He can just focus on his work and clients. Nothing with the kids, house, yard, vacation, planning, schools, doctor visits, snow days, gift-purchasing, food, errands, etc. ever affects him.

In fact, when asked what the secret to his success is, he says me!

Yes and that’s great! You have kids. I am sure you are very busy with them. Not the same as being at home without kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My working partner LOVES that I stay home and manage everything. He can just focus on his work and clients. Nothing with the kids, house, yard, vacation, planning, schools, doctor visits, snow days, gift-purchasing, food, errands, etc. ever affects him.

In fact, when asked what the secret to his success is, he says me!

I admire all you do since you have children and my weekends are much more tiring than my work days, but it’s sad that it’s HIS success. I think unfair... I guess your success is raising your kids which is huge. I guess you are both the secret to each other success. He can do what he does because of you and you can do what you do because he makes enough money. Win win

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong!!!! I could stay at home and do nothing if I wanted to. I took my time going to school, getting a PhD, looking for a job, etc. I am lucky to have enough family money where I did not NEED to work so I waited until I found something I really liked. I am married and have 2 kids so even if I did not work and kept my FT nanny, I would still have something to do and things to take care of (volunteering at the kids’ school, enriching activities for the weekend, etc), but I would feel useless and soooo bored. Unless you two (PP and OP) are at home studying, writing books, or becoming experts at something, I could never imagine living in your emptiness. Again, I work because I want to and not because I need to.

Awesome, I'm glad your work is so fulfilling and that you had the fortune to be able to find something to do that you love. Now imagine if that thing you love doing didn't provide you with a paycheck. That's what my life is like, and how I imagine OP's. The only difference is that the thing you choose to do for a stimulating life involves getting paid for it. Ours doesn't.

No, my work has a purpose. Taking care of an empty house is NOT a purpose. If you were volunteering several days a week and your work had a purpose, then yes, I agree. But if you do nothing purposeful other than “how many shows should I watch today” or “which gym class should I take at the gym”, then your day to day life has no purpose. But please tell what is your purpose. My work involves research and the purpose of my work is to eradicate world poverty. Also, I have two kids and I am trying (to the best of my ability) to give them a happy life and teaching my daughters that even if they will never NEED to work, they can still contribute by doing something meaningful that is not clean up after their husband 30 minutes of everyday.

What you need/want may be different than other. You enjoy working. Many of us do not enjoy it. My mom worked, I don't. I don't think either way it is a big deal for daughters and you are overthinking it. You have a full-time housekeeper/nanny. Many of us don't have enough to cover that with our income so it makes no sense to work. Once you are out of work, its hard to get back in at the same income to make it worth it. As we get older, many of us have elderly family members who need assistance or our own health issues. You sound like you aren't teaching your kids what you think you are if you have someone paid to do everything. Part of contributing to your family is taking them to the doctor, cleaning the house, cooking, shopping and more. What example do you set by paying someone especially if they aren't as wealthy as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My working partner LOVES that I stay home and manage everything. He can just focus on his work and clients. Nothing with the kids, house, yard, vacation, planning, schools, doctor visits, snow days, gift-purchasing, food, errands, etc. ever affects him.

In fact, when asked what the secret to his success is, he says me!

I admire all you do since you have children and my weekends are much more tiring than my work days, but it’s sad that it’s HIS success. I think unfair... I guess your success is raising your kids which is huge. I guess you are both the secret to each other success. He can do what he does because of you and you can do what you do because he makes enough money. Win win

When we are all dead, in less you have some amazing job, seriously, when you retire/quit, you are replaceable and no one cares but you. What you do have is the kids you have raised and what you put into them and that is your biggest legacy. If you have two parents working 60+ hours a week, how much time do you spend with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My working partner LOVES that I stay home and manage everything. He can just focus on his work and clients. Nothing with the kids, house, yard, vacation, planning, schools, doctor visits, snow days, gift-purchasing, food, errands, etc. ever affects him.

In fact, when asked what the secret to his success is, he says me!

I admire all you do since you have children and my weekends are much more tiring than my work days, but it’s sad that it’s HIS success. I think unfair... I guess your success is raising your kids which is huge. I guess you are both the secret to each other success. He can do what he does because of you and you can do what you do because he makes enough money. Win win

When we are all dead, in less you have some amazing job, seriously, when you retire/quit, you are replaceable and no one cares but you. What you do have is the kids you have raised and what you put into them and that is your biggest legacy. If you have two parents working 60+ hours a week, how much time do you spend with them?

This is a different kind of discussion from OP’s post. I see your perspective. I don’t disagree with you, but us working moms still raise our children. We do outsource help during the day, but the nights (my kids go to bed at 9 so we have over two hours everyday), mornings, weekend and vacations we are together. Once the kids are in school (one of mine already is) I am really only spending 2 hours every day less than you. Not a big difference...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong!!!! I could stay at home and do nothing if I wanted to. I took my time going to school, getting a PhD, looking for a job, etc. I am lucky to have enough family money where I did not NEED to work so I waited until I found something I really liked. I am married and have 2 kids so even if I did not work and kept my FT nanny, I would still have something to do and things to take care of (volunteering at the kids’ school, enriching activities for the weekend, etc), but I would feel useless and soooo bored. Unless you two (PP and OP) are at home studying, writing books, or becoming experts at something, I could never imagine living in your emptiness. Again, I work because I want to and not because I need to.

Awesome, I'm glad your work is so fulfilling and that you had the fortune to be able to find something to do that you love. Now imagine if that thing you love doing didn't provide you with a paycheck. That's what my life is like, and how I imagine OP's. The only difference is that the thing you choose to do for a stimulating life involves getting paid for it. Ours doesn't.

No, my work has a purpose. Taking care of an empty house is NOT a purpose. If you were volunteering several days a week and your work had a purpose, then yes, I agree. But if you do nothing purposeful other than “how many shows should I watch today” or “which gym class should I take at the gym”, then your day to day life has no purpose. But please tell what is your purpose. My work involves research and the purpose of my work is to eradicate world poverty. Also, I have two kids and I am trying (to the best of my ability) to give them a happy life and teaching my daughters that even if they will never NEED to work, they can still contribute by doing something meaningful that is not clean up after their husband 30 minutes of everyday.

What you need/want may be different than other. You enjoy working. Many of us do not enjoy it. My mom worked, I don't. I don't think either way it is a big deal for daughters and you are overthinking it. You have a full-time housekeeper/nanny. Many of us don't have enough to cover that with our income so it makes no sense to work. Once you are out of work, its hard to get back in at the same income to make it worth it. As we get older, many of us have elderly family members who need assistance or our own health issues. You sound like you aren't teaching your kids what you think you are if you have someone paid to do everything. Part of contributing to your family is taking them to the doctor, cleaning the house, cooking, shopping and more. What example do you set by paying someone especially if they aren't as wealthy as you.

I don’t understand why my post is being misunderstood. Maybe I was not very clear. If you have kids and stay at home to take care of them, clean, etc that IS a job. If you are OP you do nothing all day. Also, if you don’t have kids how dirty can your house really be? Do you need to clean it everyday multiple hours a day? If OP got a job she would make much more than a cleaning lady that cleans her house 3-5 hours per week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My working partner LOVES that I stay home and manage everything. He can just focus on his work and clients. Nothing with the kids, house, yard, vacation, planning, schools, doctor visits, snow days, gift-purchasing, food, errands, etc. ever affects him.

In fact, when asked what the secret to his success is, he says me!

Totally different; op doesn't have (and never wants) kids

[Anonymous]

OP Here--No need for anyone to continue posting. I got my answer...

Yes, working spouses resent the shit out of the non-workers.

Oh and I learned not going to a 9-5 automatically means you sit on your ass all day. Who knew? I guess I've been doing it wrong all along! Peace!