What's the most selfish thing your spouse has done?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He got upset when I told him I'd need him to stay with me overnight in the hospital after I gave birth to our daughter. He'd been hoping to sleep at home then come back in the mornings and was very upset he had to sleep on the uncomfortable recliner in my recovery room. It wasn't our finest moment but honestly, we were both so exhausted after a multi-day induction that neither of us were thinking clearly. It was a single moment of dumb@ssness from an otherwise wonderful man.

Is it really so bad? I wouldn't want to sleep on that stupid recliner either and if he's just going home to sleep and coming right back in the morning... why is that a big deal?

Because I hadn't slept for 48 hours. Because we were in a "baby friendly" hospital that provided absolutely no help with the baby besides coming in and yelling at me for doing apparently every single thing wrong, they literally wouldn't even hand me the baby if they were already in the room. Because the call button in our room didn't work so if there had been an issue, I couldn't have alerted the nurses (I tried shouting and they didn't hear me). Because my epidural didn't wear off for hours so I couldn't stand up to get the baby on my own. Because, even after the epidural finally wore off, I had a 3rd degree tear and needed help getting out of bed each and every time and needed help getting onto and off of the toilet.

Because I needed him there.

You sound really needy.

Np, I agree. Everything you needed after the birth was the responsibility of a trained healthcare provider— not your husband.

As an RN I disagree! We don't have time to do all those things immediately. That is why support for the mom is so important- whether it be partner, friend, spouse, sister or mom etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a male. I did not sleep with DW at the hospital when our DD was born. We had been up all night the previous night. I knew that once the baby was home, there would be no sleep....so I went home at about 8 pm, slept for 10 hours, and came back by 8 am. Honestly, it was a good decision.

My wife does stay with me about half the time when I am in the hospital. She leaves to help our DD. But, I have spent more than just a night or two in the hospital: I have been in for about 15 days over the last few yeas.

I had an emergency csection under general anesthesia and I sent my DH home to sleep as well. Perhaps my experience was different in that I had nurses helping me out of bed and the baby was in the NICU. But I NEEDED my DH to be well rested. He went home and ended up back at the hospital at 3am- he was too overly excited about the baby I guess and couldn’t sleep. I just didn’t see why he needed to be there overnight in an uncomfortable recliner when I already had people caring for me. I also sent him home after I had surgery that required an overnight stay. I guess I kind of thought it was unnecessary. Why should he be there when I’m just sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the woman who posted about baby friendly hospitals. I had a very similar experience. My husband wasn't selfish, we just have an older kid who he had to stay with. My 2 nights at a baby friendly hospital were the worst. The nurses do absolutely nothing to help. Trying to breastfeed and care for a bewborn, after a c section, while drugged up on pain medications is the absolute worst. These baby friendly hospitals have no nursery. If we didn't have a kid at home I wpukdmhave c called my husband selfish too

Ugh my experience too. I’ll never forget getting out of bed post c-section and feeling like my stomach had been hit by a car. I’m trying to breastfeed and all I could think was this is so awful!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a male. I did not sleep with DW at the hospital when our DD was born. We had been up all night the previous night. I knew that once the baby was home, there would be no sleep....so I went home at about 8 pm, slept for 10 hours, and came back by 8 am. Honestly, it was a good decision.

My wife does stay with me about half the time when I am in the hospital. She leaves to help our DD. But, I have spent more than just a night or two in the hospital: I have been in for about 15 days over the last few yeas.

I had an emergency csection under general anesthesia and I sent my DH home to sleep as well. Perhaps my experience was different in that I had nurses helping me out of bed and the baby was in the NICU. But I NEEDED my DH to be well rested. He went home and ended up back at the hospital at 3am- he was too overly excited about the baby I guess and couldn’t sleep. I just didn’t see why he needed to be there overnight in an uncomfortable recliner when I already had people caring for me. I also sent him home after I had surgery that required an overnight stay. I guess I kind of thought it was unnecessary. Why should he be there when I’m just sleeping.

But your baby was in the NICU. That's a HUGE difference. These women are talking about caring for their newborn in hospitals with the new "baby-friendly" trend of no nurseries, where the mom who just labored for however many hours is responsible for the baby 24/7. You should read the threads on it - it sounds awful. I sent my dh home after #2 was born, but I also sent my baby to the nursery overnight as well. That's not an option at a lot of hospitals these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

Well, my husband has never been expected to care for a newborn while hospitalized, that's for damn sure!

My hospital had no nursery and the nurses, though very nice, were not very helpful at all. So it was all on me, after having had a c-section. One nurse did take pity on me and took my baby for 2 hours to let me get a little sleep.

[Anonymous]

Well, while we’re on delivery stories... after my first delivery, my spouse took a conference call from my postpartum room at Sibley (ie, ridiculously tiny) with his work computer booted up on my bed tray and when the baby cried he shot me ‘that look’.

[Anonymous]

Cheat. Not give a minute of thought to the idea that this could blow up our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When DD was 3 weeks old he decided to stay in a hotel for two nights so he could get enough sleep for a recreational softball tournament. He’s really into softball...so I said it was ok, but I still think it’s ridiculous.

Oh honey that's really what you think? Love is truly blind

I knew someone would say that. DCUM is so ridiculous and predictable.

Me too. And it’s always the “oh honey” poster.

I hate the 'oh honey' poster. She needs a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DD was 3 weeks old he decided to stay in a hotel for two nights so he could get enough sleep for a recreational softball tournament. He’s really into softball...so I said it was ok, but I still think it’s ridiculous.

This is unbelievable. And I am a man who plays softball. You have to be shitting me....

[Anonymous]

Not figure out to to do oral correctly! Otherwise he's great in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not figure out to to do oral correctly! Otherwise he's great in bed.

His telepathy is on the fritz, or have you actually used your words to communicate what you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the woman who posted about baby friendly hospitals. I had a very similar experience. My husband wasn't selfish, we just have an older kid who he had to stay with. My 2 nights at a baby friendly hospital were the worst. The nurses do absolutely nothing to help. Trying to breastfeed and care for a bewborn, after a c section, while drugged up on pain medications is the absolute worst. These baby friendly hospitals have no nursery. If we didn't have a kid at home I wpukdmhave c called my husband selfish too

Ugh my experience too. I’ll never forget getting out of bed post c-section and feeling like my stomach had been hit by a car. I’m trying to breastfeed and all I could think was this is so awful!!

I don't agree with baby friendly hospitals for various reasons, but... I do want to point out that (usually) they are not helping for a reason. While a c-section is definitely a major surgery, and a vaginal delivery is also physically demanding with it's own aftermath, the point the nurses are trying to make is that even though you are exhausted and it might be painful, there is no medical reason that you cannot get out of bed (when they tell you to, not immediately after a c-section of course) and care for your child. Do you want to? No. But physically, can you? Yes. *cue story from someone who had a rare complication after birth and almost died, or a nurse who hated them and ignored their requests, etc, etc.*

I remember the first surgery I ever had (not a c-section), and them telling me to get out of bed and try to walk, I looked at them like they had six heads. It hurt and it sucked and I was in major pain, but they made me do it anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, most of these examples don't seem that bad.

I agree--some of these are just momentary glitches. But the one about meningitis is just appalling. She could have died--in fact she's amazingly lucky she didn't; immediate treatment is crucial with either type of meningitis. Her then-husband jeopardized her life because he was annoyed that she felt too ill to go to a party HE wanted to attend. I hope karma bites him hard.

[Anonymous]

I think the moral of the story is that MOST husbands are not usually a whole lot of selfish. These examples are meh, at best (well, most of them).

Go men!

[Anonymous]

OMG I had the best night with my newborn but I had an easy c-section. I remember doing everything and it wasn't that bad. Nurses stayed away. We nursed, snoozed. My husband stayed with our toddler and I was very lucky. I feel AWFUL for anyone doing all that care but in pain or unable to get up. I would take everyone's babies for a few hours just to let them sleep. I wonder if I can be a volunteer friend!