My daughter got beat up for bullying another child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP. Does your daughter still have a phone? Your answer will tell me how serious you are taking this. How exactly are you punishing your daughter?

I haven't punished her yet. I kind of feel like the beating she got plus suspension is punishment enough.

Nope, she needs to hear it from you. She needs to know that you think that she was wrong for what she did and that you will hold her to account. No phone for a month. No internet except assigned reading from you about the effects of bullying with article reports written by her that you review together. She's 13; you don't have much time left to teach her how to do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was crying about her eye, she's whining that it needs to be gone before she goes back to school. Does anyone know how to heal them fast. I don't want her to get teased. I know it's easy to say she deserves it when that's not your child going through it. She's still very young and I know she's hurt physically and emotionally.

-OP

Hopefully it will take a good long time to heal and she will learn some empathy as she worries about being teased. In the meantime, get her out in public and make her deal with it.
Are you are parent or a pathetic enabler?

Why would you want my daughter's injuries to take a long time to heal. That's pretty evil.

Are you serious? It is a black eye not a broken bone. Totally cosmetic. The longer she has to deal with the embarrassment of turning all of the colors of the rainbow, the better.
However, the more I hear all of your pathetic responses, the more I realize that there is not much hope for your kid. SAD!

[Anonymous]

Op must be a troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is so clearly a troll. Stop feeding it.

I really hope so but I'm afraid not

[Anonymous]

Your daughter needed to be punished by the other girl, the school, and by you. The other girl did her part, the school did its part (though I would argue they didn't do enough), and now you have to do your part.

[Anonymous]

Send her back to school with a black eye and let her get beat up again. That should really send the message home...hopefully to both of you! You are a moron raising a sociopath.

[Anonymous]

Tomorrow morning you need to find a therapist for your daughter. Tomorrow morning.

You wanted advice:

-no more phone for her!
-therapy

Get. Her. In. Therapy.

Take. Away. The. Phone.

[Anonymous]

Get a clue, grow a spine, and start acting like a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op must be a troll

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked at how many parents are advocating physical violence. Apart from it not being very smart, it is not the right way to handle any situation. It tells me that the other child is equally at fault - if not more. OP's child is at fault, too - but physical violence is a whole new can of worms.

You are a total moron. I hope you don't have kids. Physical violence is EXACTLY how to handle this situation. BRAVO to the bullied girl who stood up to the bully.

OP you need to impose consequences that will be life changing for your daughter. If this were my kid, they would lose phone for probably two months and be grounded for about as long. I would seriously consider pulling them from their school and sending them somewhere else. I would certainly make clear that any hint of a recurrence would result in that consequence.

You should not feel bad for your daughter. The other girl did her a favor. It's giving you both an opportunity to help your daughter not be a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was crying about her eye, she's whining that it needs to be gone before she goes back to school. Does anyone know how to heal them fast. I don't want her to get teased. I know it's easy to say she deserves it when that's not your child going through it. She's still very young and I know she's hurt physically and emotionally.

-OP

Hopefully it will take a good long time to heal and she will learn some empathy as she worries about being teased. In the meantime, get her out in public and make her deal with it.
Are you are parent or a pathetic enabler?

Why would you want my daughter's injuries to take a long time to heal. That's pretty evil.

Are you serious? It is a black eye not a broken bone. Totally cosmetic. The longer she has to deal with the embarrassment of turning all of the colors of the rainbow, the better.
However, the more I hear all of your pathetic responses, the more I realize that there is not much hope for your kid. SAD!

You're probably right. I'll probably ground her for a few weeks. I don't want her thinking I condone this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is so clearly a troll. Stop feeding it.

Yeah no kidding. OP went too far with her responses. Went from "wow what a shitty parent" to " no way , this is a troll". A good troll knows where the line between getting people pissed and going into not believable territory. Op needs some more work

[Anonymous]

op, I was on your side when I first read this - I thought people were being too hard on you because you knew your daughter was wrong and wanted her to learn a lesson. I didn't have time to reply or come to your defense then.

Now I'm reading more of your responses and I don't think you are taking this seriously at all. Your daughter needs some major discipline from you. Take away anything she loves, punish her as hard as you can. Tell her she was wrong, mean and an embarrassment to your family for being so cruel to another human. Tell her you failed as a mother by not instilling in her any values. Make her feel horrible!

An ass-whooping and suspension won't mean anything to her if parents don't also make her realize how wrong it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP. Does your daughter still have a phone? Your answer will tell me how serious you are taking this. How exactly are you punishing your daughter?

I haven't punished her yet. I kind of feel like the beating she got plus suspension is punishment enough.

This is a terrible approach. You need to punish her, and you need to talk to her seriously about the pain and misery she has caused another human being because clearly she is unable to empathize, and she enjoys seeing someone else's humiliation. You need to get her professional counseling as well.

I'm a high school teacher. I have two students of my own who are currently being bullied by mean girls like your daughter. My heart aches for them, and I worry about the mental health of one of the victims. Yes, we are involving the counselor, but the mean girls are supported/liked by many teachers as well, and these situations are so hard to resolve. Girls are awful to each other, and the mean girls (like your daughter) tend to be socially savvy and manipulative of other students and teachers; they are the girls who know how to present themselves well when it suits them. This afternoon I listened to a girl cry through lunch about the subtle, sly, constant mean-girl bullying hell a girl (like your daughter) is inflicting upon her. I rather hope that somebody DOES punch the bully in the face, and that it really hurts: she deserves it, and a black eye or temporary discomfort will not come close to the emotional pain the victim is going through right now.

It would be nice to think that punishment ends bullying, but here is what actually tends to happen in these situations:

The bully will return to school and then continue to harass and humiliate and target the victim, but she becomes more sly about it, and this is even worse for the victim. The bully's friend group (ie, the mean girls who are your daughter's friend group) will rally around the bully (your daughter) after the punishment, and this means the other mean girls are going to ratchet up the harassment of the victim. Your daughter is a mean girl who is part of a mean girl friend group: your daughter is not going to distance herself from her friends, and she is not going to "stand up" to her friends and demand that they stop gossiping about, mocking, and bullying their victim. Your daughter is weak, and even a strong, kind person would find the social pressure and repercussions of abandoning a friend group almost insurmountable. So that situation won't change unless you move your daughter to a new school.

Girls like your daughter who bully other girls (especially for the enjoyment of an audience/friend group) generally don't just stop bullying and become nice people after something like this happens and they are punished. Your daughter is weak, mean, and enjoys humiliating others, and this isn't going to change unless you take a super active role and a realistic view of the situation.

Your daughter is not a good person. She is mean, and I agree with the PP that you are raising a sociopath. But your daughter is young and you can possibly reshape her character if you address this promptly and forcefully, and you seek the advice of a professional, private therapist for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP. Does your daughter still have a phone? Your answer will tell me how serious you are taking this. How exactly are you punishing your daughter?

I haven't punished her yet. I kind of feel like the beating she got plus suspension is punishment enough.

Nope, she needs to hear it from you. She needs to know that you think that she was wrong for what she did and that you will hold her to account. No phone for a month. No internet except assigned reading from you about the effects of bullying with article reports written by her that you review together. She's 13; you don't have much time left to teach her how to do the right thing.

+1.