I wanted to have sex with DH today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, one thing isn't clear: who is more upset about the lack of sex? Him or you?

One thing that worked for DW and I was scheduling sex. We pick one day a week, then we know it will happen that day. We wouldn't pick a kids b-day because we know there will be extra. Instead, we can pick a day where I will be home early,and she isn't loaded up.

It's not romantic but it works. When we waited for spontenaity, it rarely happened.

FWIW, most big law partners have SAHM wives. I can only imagine how chaotic your home is. Can you hire some help?

OP here, I guess I thought texting him about it was kind of scheduling it but you're right, I think it was a bad night for it, given the extras. I think it was my attempt at planned spontaneity and following through.

I do know a lot of folks at the firm whose wives stay at home, but I like to work and like the adult interaction and being challenged. I work half time to be able to juggle appointments, home maintenance responsibilities, other errands, so that they don't have to be done on the weekend when we have the kids.

You don't even work full time and you're having sex only 2-4 times a month? Gosh. Neither of you must be high drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked, but haven't heard ... are they even HAVING regular sex? I doubt it. Why would he think last night was any different from any other day?

Op. Not sure what "regular" is, but we have sex about 1x every 1-2 weeks. I think that's decent, considering he works, I work, our kids just turned 5 and 3, and so on. He is the initiator probably 75% of time.

That's low, I'd say. Once a week is the bare minimum and at least once a month you should try to knock his socks off. BTDT.

Thanks. Curious if you're BTDT as the DW? I would like to have sex more. I enjoy it and so does he. But many days am drowning in how much there is to do at home without his help, causing me to be physically and mentally tired and/or frustrated with his lack of support. It is a discussion we've had many times over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, one thing isn't clear: who is more upset about the lack of sex? Him or you?

One thing that worked for DW and I was scheduling sex. We pick one day a week, then we know it will happen that day. We wouldn't pick a kids b-day because we know there will be extra. Instead, we can pick a day where I will be home early,and she isn't loaded up.

It's not romantic but it works. When we waited for spontenaity, it rarely happened.

FWIW, most big law partners have SAHM wives. I can only imagine how chaotic your home is. Can you hire some help?

OP here, I guess I thought texting him about it was kind of scheduling it but you're right, I think it was a bad night for it, given the extras. I think it was my attempt at planned spontaneity and following through.

I do know a lot of folks at the firm whose wives stay at home, but I like to work and like the adult interaction and being challenged. I work half time to be able to juggle appointments, home maintenance responsibilities, other errands, so that they don't have to be done on the weekend when we have the kids.

You don't even work full time and you're having sex only 2-4 times a month? Gosh. Neither of you must be high drive.

I would like to have sex more and I'm positive he would too. See my PP about why *I* think that doesn't happen.

Maybe we do need to hire someone to help in the evenings. Do a lot of people do that?? It's not like I want to be the martyr like others have suggested, but somehow my mother managed to have to kids and work full time with my dad working a lot, without hired help. I didn't realize that was such a common thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked, but haven't heard ... are they even HAVING regular sex? I doubt it. Why would he think last night was any different from any other day?

Op. Not sure what "regular" is, but we have sex about 1x every 1-2 weeks. I think that's decent, considering he works, I work, our kids just turned 5 and 3, and so on. He is the initiator probably 75% of time.

That's low, I'd say. Once a week is the bare minimum and at least once a month you should try to knock his socks off. BTDT.

Thanks. Curious if you're BTDT as the DW? I would like to have sex more. I enjoy it and so does he. But many days am drowning in how much there is to do at home without his help, causing me to be physically and mentally tired and/or frustrated with his lack of support. It is a discussion we've had many times over.

Yes, I am the DW. My kids are teenagers now (we have two) and both of us have always worked 40+ hours a week. If you were gone for a week, a lot of what occupies your time would not get done and everyone would live. You either need to do less, or hire more help, or work faster. With your evening, I would have done some of the chores, had sex, and then decided if I really needed to up until 11:40 doing more chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, one thing isn't clear: who is more upset about the lack of sex? Him or you?

One thing that worked for DW and I was scheduling sex. We pick one day a week, then we know it will happen that day. We wouldn't pick a kids b-day because we know there will be extra. Instead, we can pick a day where I will be home early,and she isn't loaded up.

It's not romantic but it works. When we waited for spontenaity, it rarely happened.

FWIW, most big law partners have SAHM wives. I can only imagine how chaotic your home is. Can you hire some help?

OP here, I guess I thought texting him about it was kind of scheduling it but you're right, I think it was a bad night for it, given the extras. I think it was my attempt at planned spontaneity and following through.

I do know a lot of folks at the firm whose wives stay at home, but I like to work and like the adult interaction and being challenged. I work half time to be able to juggle appointments, home maintenance responsibilities, other errands, so that they don't have to be done on the weekend when we have the kids.

You don't even work full time and you're having sex only 2-4 times a month? Gosh. Neither of you must be high drive.

I would like to have sex more and I'm positive he would too. See my PP about why *I* think that doesn't happen.

Maybe we do need to hire someone to help in the evenings. Do a lot of people do that?? It's not like I want to be the martyr like others have suggested, but somehow my mother managed to have to kids and work full time with my dad working a lot, without hired help. I didn't realize that was such a common thing.[/quote]
Are you from the United States? I ask because it's very common, even in households that aren't rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked, but haven't heard ... are they even HAVING regular sex? I doubt it. Why would he think last night was any different from any other day?

Op. Not sure what "regular" is, but we have sex about 1x every 1-2 weeks. I think that's decent, considering he works, I work, our kids just turned 5 and 3, and so on. He is the initiator probably 75% of time.

That's low, I'd say. Once a week is the bare minimum and at least once a month you should try to knock his socks off. BTDT.

Thanks. Curious if you're BTDT as the DW? I would like to have sex more. I enjoy it and so does he. But many days am drowning in how much there is to do at home without his help, causing me to be physically and mentally tired and/or frustrated with his lack of support. It is a discussion we've had many times over.

On days you're tired, why don't you just suck it up and do it (have sex)? Not trying to be snarky, I swear. But there are a lot of times I'm super tired and I've had a really long day, but I know that having sex is good for our relationship, so even a little quickie will help. I've actually NEVER regretted doing it while tired. Once we get going I'm always happy we did it. It's like going to the gym or for a run. The first step out the door is the hardest to take. Just do it. Now, if you get going and you're repulsed and just lying there, you have serious problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, one thing isn't clear: who is more upset about the lack of sex? Him or you?

One thing that worked for DW and I was scheduling sex. We pick one day a week, then we know it will happen that day. We wouldn't pick a kids b-day because we know there will be extra. Instead, we can pick a day where I will be home early,and she isn't loaded up.

It's not romantic but it works. When we waited for spontenaity, it rarely happened.

FWIW, most big law partners have SAHM wives. I can only imagine how chaotic your home is. Can you hire some help?

OP here, I guess I thought texting him about it was kind of scheduling it but you're right, I think it was a bad night for it, given the extras. I think it was my attempt at planned spontaneity and following through.

I do know a lot of folks at the firm whose wives stay at home, but I like to work and like the adult interaction and being challenged. I work half time to be able to juggle appointments, home maintenance responsibilities, other errands, so that they don't have to be done on the weekend when we have the kids.

You don't even work full time and you're having sex only 2-4 times a month? Gosh. Neither of you must be high drive.

I would like to have sex more and I'm positive he would too. See my PP about why *I* think that doesn't happen.

Maybe we do need to hire someone to help in the evenings. Do a lot of people do that?? It's not like I want to be the martyr like others have suggested, but somehow my mother managed to have to kids and work full time with my dad working a lot, without hired help. I didn't realize that was such a common thing.

Yes it's quite common. Are you efficient or organized, or do things tend to take you a long time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, one thing isn't clear: who is more upset about the lack of sex? Him or you?

One thing that worked for DW and I was scheduling sex. We pick one day a week, then we know it will happen that day. We wouldn't pick a kids b-day because we know there will be extra. Instead, we can pick a day where I will be home early,and she isn't loaded up.

It's not romantic but it works. When we waited for spontenaity, it rarely happened.

FWIW, most big law partners have SAHM wives. I can only imagine how chaotic your home is. Can you hire some help?

OP here, I guess I thought texting him about it was kind of scheduling it but you're right, I think it was a bad night for it, given the extras. I think it was my attempt at planned spontaneity and following through.

I do know a lot of folks at the firm whose wives stay at home, but I like to work and like the adult interaction and being challenged. I work half time to be able to juggle appointments, home maintenance responsibilities, other errands, so that they don't have to be done on the weekend when we have the kids.

You don't even work full time and you're having sex only 2-4 times a month? Gosh. Neither of you must be high drive.

I would like to have sex more and I'm positive he would too. See my PP about why *I* think that doesn't happen.

Maybe we do need to hire someone to help in the evenings. Do a lot of people do that?? It's not like I want to be the martyr like others have suggested, but somehow my mother managed to have to kids and work full time with my dad working a lot, without hired help. I didn't realize that was such a common thing.

Yes it's quite common. Are you efficient or organized, or do things tend to take you a long time?

To answer a PP as well, yes I am from the US, grew up in Fairfax Co, upper middle class. I didn't know any friends, that I recall, that had hired help in the evenings. I did know some friends who had SAHM though, but mine did not.

I know that hiring house cleaners is very common, and I learned quickly hat there is no way I can clean our house to that extent while working outside the home. But are all of these people getting help having nannies that come only in the evenings? Au pairs that live with them? That I really didn't understand was common.

I consider myself very organized and efficient. I get a crap ton of stuff done around the house. I keep lists and calendars. I manage to keep work and home separate and I do well at work. But yes, some things require a team if they're going to be done in parallel. I can't put the kids to bed while simultaneously making dinner for us.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm beginning to think that the title of your thread "...sex..." was just a hook and what you really wanted to do was post another "my DH doesn't do shit" rant.

I give you an A+ for creativity on this one. Bravo!!!!!

[Anonymous]

YOu should make one dinner for all 4 of you, even if you and DH eat later than the kids. And preferably make it the night before.

When my kids were under 5, they went to bed at 7:30 and I got home from work at 5:30. From 5:30 to 7:30, I fed, bathed and played with them. Dinner with DH at 7:30 after throwing in laundry. Then I packed lunches/bottles, ran through the mail and paid any necessary bills. In bed by 10.

[Anonymous]

Does it have to be with your DH? A lot of guys are willing I am sure if you are, at least, a 7 or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked, but haven't heard ... are they even HAVING regular sex? I doubt it. Why would he think last night was any different from any other day?

Op. Not sure what "regular" is, but we have sex about 1x every 1-2 weeks. I think that's decent, considering he works, I work, our kids just turned 5 and 3, and so on. He is the initiator probably 75% of time.

That's low, I'd say. Once a week is the bare minimum and at least once a month you should try to knock his socks off. BTDT.

Thanks. Curious if you're BTDT as the DW? I would like to have sex more. I enjoy it and so does he. But many days am drowning in how much there is to do at home without his help, causing me to be physically and mentally tired and/or frustrated with his lack of support. It is a discussion we've had many times over.

On days you're tired, why don't you just suck it up and do it (have sex)? Not trying to be snarky, I swear. But there are a lot of times I'm super tired and I've had a really long day, but I know that having sex is good for our relationship, so even a little quickie will help. I've actually NEVER regretted doing it while tired. Once we get going I'm always happy we did it. It's like going to the gym or for a run. The first step out the door is the hardest to take. Just do it. Now, if you get going and you're repulsed and just lying there, you have serious problems.

I often suck it up despite being tired. And it goes like this - kids are down, we have dinner, I'm cleaning up dishes and laundry or whatever, maybe getting lunch and things ready for next day. DH has been sitting or maybe working. He approaches me and initiates. I drop chores, we have sex, he goes to bed, I spend more time staying up late and finishing things.

Sometimes I will just leave things until the next morning but they just pile up and it creates more work and stress, despite having had the release of sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YOu should make one dinner for all 4 of you, even if you and DH eat later than the kids. And preferably make it the night before.

When my kids were under 5, they went to bed at 7:30 and I got home from work at 5:30. From 5:30 to 7:30, I fed, bathed and played with them. Dinner with DH at 7:30 after throwing in laundry. Then I packed lunches/bottles, ran through the mail and paid any necessary bills. In bed by 10.

That's nice but you forgot one thing. Sex? Isn't that the topic of this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does it have to be with your DH? A lot of guys are willing I am sure if you are, at least, a 7 or so.

Are you offering?

Yes, it has to be with DH

[Anonymous]

I again reiterate you didn't actually want sex. You wanted him to have an impetus to help you out. The problem seems to me though that YOU think it's necessary to stay up till midnight killing yourself with 2 dinners, breaking down boxes, laundry, FIVE FACE TIMES, picking up kids rooms, and cleaning for the cleaner. He doesn't- nor would I! Damn, I would not be blowing my whole evening on this crap till midnight and I am the wife here. It's ludicrous.

The only way this was going to work for him is if he felt your carrot of sex was only going to be achieved by pulling a Cinderella alongside you on a Wednesday evening. Either he didn't pick up on that or decided not staying up til midnight doing chores was preferable to having sex. It's as simple as that. He didn't know the trade off was chores til midnight or he didn't deem the trade off worth it.

Sex was clearly not the end goal for you. You chose to break down trash instead of go upstairs with your husband. Think about that. Then he went to bed and instead of going too you hopped on dcum.