I wanted to have sex with DH today

[Anonymous]

Show him what you wrote

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your words may say "I wanted sex" but your actions say "I wanted to me a SuperMom and a martyr"

100% THIS!

He's not a mind reader.

[Anonymous]

Why not just wake him up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your words may say "I wanted sex" but your actions say "I wanted to me a SuperMom and a martyr"

100% THIS!

He's not a mind reader.

This. 75% of the stuff could have waited until tomorrow and/or DH could have helped. But don't worry, he probably didn't want to have sex with you anyways. No one finds a martyr attractive.

[Anonymous]

This thread begs the question: why ruin a great romantic relationship by having kids?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your replies. Typically some of that stuff could have waited but the birthday calls could not and the decluttering/cleaning/laundry load had to be done to prepare for the cleaners coming today. No those things are not required on any given day during the week but the other stuff is. I did send him a sexy text during the day.

I think my larger point is we could have split those tasks, and would've have ended up having sec and going to bed sooner. As to the communicating, I have brought this up with him so many times. We've been together 13 years, married almost 8, and it is our number one discussion/argument/fight.

I'm disappointed because he always says he'll do better, and he may for a little bit - engage the kids while I'm making their dinner, take the trash out without me asking - but then he falls back into his habits of being concerned with his personal needs and not the household/family needs.

He works a lot - Big Law - but it's slowed down some recently and I think his issue is he thinks that since he works so much, when he's not working his first priority should be relaxing (tv, exercise, going to sleep early).

I'm just so tired of bringing up the same problem over and over. And he (probably) wonders why we can't make sex a priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your replies. Typically some of that stuff could have waited but the birthday calls could not and the decluttering/cleaning/laundry load had to be done to prepare for the cleaners coming today. No those things are not required on any given day during the week but the other stuff is. I did send him a sexy text during the day.

I think my larger point is we could have split those tasks, and would've have ended up having sec and going to bed sooner. As to the communicating, I have brought this up with him so many times. We've been together 13 years, married almost 8, and it is our number one discussion/argument/fight.

I'm disappointed because he always says he'll do better, and he may for a little bit - engage the kids while I'm making their dinner, take the trash out without me asking - but then he falls back into his habits of being concerned with his personal needs and not the household/family needs.

He works a lot - Big Law - but it's slowed down some recently and I think his issue is he thinks that since he works so much, when he's not working his first priority should be relaxing (tv, exercise, going to sleep early).

I'm just so tired of bringing up the same problem over and over. And he (probably) wonders why we can't make sex a priority.

Again, no one is a mind reader. Simply say, "I am doing the dishes, can you do the laundry right now?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During the day I was feeling it and thought DH and I would have sex tonight.

Then I spent an hour driving home from work, ordered things from amazon during commute for kids' bday party this weekend, picked up the dog, picked up the kids (5 and 3) one of whom had a meltdown because her snack was in wrong container, came home to other dog, fed dogs, fed kids, facetimed with 5 different relatives for 5 year old's birthday, wrangled kids to bath and bed, cleaned playroom, cleaned books off their floor, cleaned dishes, cooked dinner, cleaned up more dishes and pots after dinner, finished decluttering house, broke down boxes and gathered trash/recycling to put to curb, and washed a load of laundry.

It is 20 minutes to midnight (I live in central time) and I am just now sitting down for the first time all night. During all that, DH came home with balloons for the kids, exercised, had dinner with me, watched tv, answered some work emails. He went to bed about 20 minutes ago after a shower.

I don't even know if I'm posting to ask a question or vent or what, but it's disappointing and frustrating.

Why are you in charge of cooking dinner AND cleaning up? Why doesn't DH do one or the other? You are doing every single household chore. Why aren't your kids helping with cleaning up their toys?

No wonder so many of you want a divorce, you let your men be useless. My husband would NEVER get away with this, and he grew up in the Middle East, far from our "enlightened" society where women have the freedom to... do all the work all the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your words may say "I wanted sex" but your actions say "I wanted to me a SuperMom and a martyr"

People still use the term SuperMom?

[Anonymous]

Why is divorce not an option here?

[Anonymous]

I'm still stuck on driving home for an hour and ordering on Amazon during the commute...

[Anonymous]

Did you sext him or provide other triggers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, no one is a mind reader. Simply say, "I am doing the dishes, can you do the laundry right now?"

I get your point but I have to ask him to do some of the chores, all of the time. All of the time. Why is it that I need to ask him, despite us having this larger conversation over and over? That is what is so frustrating. I have to ask every time I need help, and I feel like a nagging wife. I get tired of feeling like a nag.

And yes, I've said those things to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, no one is a mind reader. Simply say, "I am doing the dishes, can you do the laundry right now?"

I get your point but I have to ask him to do some of the chores, all of the time. All of the time. Why is it that I need to ask him, despite us having this larger conversation over and over? That is what is so frustrating. I have to ask every time I need help, and I feel like a nagging wife. I get tired of feeling like a nag.

And yes, I've said those things to him.

Then STOP ASKING. Let HIS laundry pile up with no end. Let the dishes pile up until he can't find a clean dish to eat in. Yes, it will be gross for a couple of weeks, and then he will start to get the picture.

I have been through this. It is not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you in charge of cooking dinner AND cleaning up? Why doesn't DH do one or the other? You are doing every single household chore. Why aren't your kids helping with cleaning up their toys?

No wonder so many of you want a divorce, you let your men be useless. My husband would NEVER get away with this, and he grew up in the Middle East, far from our "enlightened" society where women have the freedom to... do all the work all the time?

At first it was because he was always working. He worked very long days, would often work late into the night and would sometimes have to go in early on top of that. I think he just thinks that because he works so hard (which I have said I appreciate very much) his first priority when NOT working should be to take that spare time and relax. He doesn't seem to consider that his making his own relaxation a priority is to my and our detriment. And yes I've said that to him multiple times before.

Also his parents have this relationship x10. His father is beyond useless, but works hard. His mother never worked and raised 4 kids, of whom he is the youngest. He seems to try to model their dynamic with me.