Ladies, would you settle down with a man who wants to be a SAHD?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. I'd have zero respect for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure. My husband is a SAHD. That wasn't his goal but it is what worked out. He does do all the daytime childcare, and cleaning, and cooking. No "lazy bum" over here.

Mine too. He is a fantastic cook. I come home to tremendous, healthy dinners and happy, enriched kids almost every night. I win.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh hell no. Not sexy.

Call me crazy, but my husband making dinner for me, bathing the kids and walking downstairs with the little one all bundled up in her post-bath towel is really sweet and sweet = sexy in my book

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I make plenty so it's financially feasible and I do want a family, but I feel like more and more men are using the "I'm a feminist and I'd like to raise kids" excuse to cover for their lack of ambition and success.

+1 There was a study that came out about 15 years ago that showed that women that stay home to raise kids were happier than women who worked (no judgment, just repeating what I heard on NPR) while men who stay home were miserable compared to men who work.

I don't believe this study. Most Stay at home moms are very unhappy and miserable. Oh and entitled.

Uhhh, I think the study done 15 years ago reflected the fact that there were few SAHDs back then and as a group they tended to be looked down on by both men and women.

SAHDs were often excluded or made to feel awkward in "Mommy and me" type classes and generally the SAHMs preferred to get together with other moms for play dates leaving the SAHDs (and there kids) feeling isolated.

I think that has gotten better now - SAHDs are a little more accepted now.

Maybe in California but not here in DMV. But at least we have Daddy and Me groups.

Did you see the thread where moms wouldn't have play dates of the dad is hosting, or not call or text them but always go through the wife. It's like they think Dynasty is real life and something explicit will blossom over games of chutes and ladders.

Yeah, unless the guy is a good personal friend of the family it's usually easier to just meet at a playground, nature center, pool or other public place (like a ball field) for a play date. Or the kids can play together during a class or activity. No big deal.

So winter or rain the only option is a class? This is why SAHD will never be a thing.

[Anonymous]

No but if I was a man, I probably wouldn't fall for a sahm. I want someone else in the workforce to share all parts of that with me.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think the real issue is that he's aiming to SAH and you aren't even married and do not have children yet. Red flag to me & I'm a SAHM. I was a professional when dating, first married & with one child. After that, we decided together that having me at home works best for our family. This decision took place well into our marriage with kids. I cannot imagine someone actually setting a goal of staying home. It's great if it works for you when faced with a variety of circumstances and choices. But I find it disconcerting that he's saying this is his "goal" from the outset.

Many women express that wish and are clear they are seeking a breadwinner DH. This is the flip but clearly does not work.

Most women are seeking ambitious husband not nessesary a breadwinner one.

What's the ultimate end goal of all that ambition, then? "Ambition" is a means, not an end. Anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't thought their life through very well.

Not really, they may want to save the world and may become a teacher, police officer, work in a lab (to cure cancer), or a non-profit helping the universe... ambitious not breadwinner.

I have never heard a woman swoon over a man because he was a teacher or worked at an NGO or found lab coats dashing...

Have you ever heard of women falling in love with painters, artists, dancers, actors, screen writers?

Only because they believe they will make it big in those winner-take-all field. If they knew thei 'actor ' was going to basically be a waiter who does community theater the rest of their life, they would flee. With a teacher, you know there is no pot of gold at end of rainbow.

Nobody knows if they will make it big. Sure there is hope. Women who fall for those men fall for that passion and fire in their eyes.

So why the fuck can't you be passionate about raising and caring for a family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh hell no. Not sexy.

He'll watch internet porn all day. You'll bust your ass then come home and bust it some more.

This is basically arguing that men will never be capable of being competent caregivers. Yet all sorts of women in this thread are stating very explicitly that their SAHD partners are in fact totally delivering for them. If you think it's impossible that any of the men you date would be a solid dependable partner, perhaps you're just not top tier enough to attract a top tier guy?

[Anonymous]

I'm a sahd and I feel very accepted in this area.

But I don't try to crash mommy groups because why the hell would I?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I make plenty so it's financially feasible and I do want a family, but I feel like more and more men are using the "I'm a feminist and I'd like to raise kids" excuse to cover for their lack of ambition and success.

+1 There was a study that came out about 15 years ago that showed that women that stay home to raise kids were happier than women who worked (no judgment, just repeating what I heard on NPR) while men who stay home were miserable compared to men who work.

I don't believe this study. Most Stay at home moms are very unhappy and miserable. Oh and entitled.

Uhhh, I think the study done 15 years ago reflected the fact that there were few SAHDs back then and as a group they tended to be looked down on by both men and women.

SAHDs were often excluded or made to feel awkward in "Mommy and me" type classes and generally the SAHMs preferred to get together with other moms for play dates leaving the SAHDs (and there kids) feeling isolated.

I think that has gotten better now - SAHDs are a little more accepted now.

Maybe in California but not here in DMV. But at least we have Daddy and Me groups.

Did you see the thread where moms wouldn't have play dates of the dad is hosting, or not call or text them but always go through the wife. It's like they think Dynasty is real life and something explicit will blossom over games of chutes and ladders.

Yeah, unless the guy is a good personal friend of the family it's usually easier to just meet at a playground, nature center, pool or other public place (like a ball field) for a play date. Or the kids can play together during a class or activity. No big deal.

So winter or rain the only option is a class? This is why SAHD will never be a thing.

Nope. Indoor mall areas, movies, Chuck E Cheese, libraries, nature centers, museums, indoor pools at rec centers....there are lots of indoor places to take kids to meet up for play dates.

[Anonymous]

It is unlikely that I will ever make enough money to support a family (because I'm an idiot who chose a low-paying field), so no, I couldn't marry a guy who was determined to be a SAHD. If I made much more money and loved my career? Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh hell no. Not sexy.

He'll watch internet porn all day. You'll bust your ass then come home and bust it some more.

+1
Not sexy is correct

eh, you get over that when it actually works for your family. Childcare in general is "not sexy" but it is a very necessary part of life when you have kids.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I make plenty so it's financially feasible and I do want a family, but I feel like more and more men are using the "I'm a feminist and I'd like to raise kids" excuse to cover for their lack of ambition and success.

+1 There was a study that came out about 15 years ago that showed that women that stay home to raise kids were happier than women who worked (no judgment, just repeating what I heard on NPR) while men who stay home were miserable compared to men who work.

I don't believe this study. Most Stay at home moms are very unhappy and miserable. Oh and entitled.

Uhhh, I think the study done 15 years ago reflected the fact that there were few SAHDs back then and as a group they tended to be looked down on by both men and women.

SAHDs were often excluded or made to feel awkward in "Mommy and me" type classes and generally the SAHMs preferred to get together with other moms for play dates leaving the SAHDs (and there kids) feeling isolated.

I think that has gotten better now - SAHDs are a little more accepted now.

Maybe in California but not here in DMV. But at least we have Daddy and Me groups.

Did you see the thread where moms wouldn't have play dates of the dad is hosting, or not call or text them but always go through the wife. It's like they think Dynasty is real life and something explicit will blossom over games of chutes and ladders.

Yeah, unless the guy is a good personal friend of the family it's usually easier to just meet at a playground, nature center, pool or other public place (like a ball field) for a play date. Or the kids can play together during a class or activity. No big deal.

So winter or rain the only option is a class? This is why SAHD will never be a thing.

Nope. Indoor mall areas, movies, Chuck E Cheese, libraries, nature centers, museums, indoor pools at rec centers....there are lots of indoor places to take kids to meet up for play dates.

Whatever. As long as SAHM are terrified that they will get the vapors if the visit a SAHD at either ones homes with kids in toe, SAHD will always be isolated aberrations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make plenty so it's financially feasible and I do want a family, but I feel like more and more men are using the "I'm a feminist and I'd like to raise kids" excuse to cover for their lack of ambition and success.

+1 There was a study that came out about 15 years ago that showed that women that stay home to raise kids were happier than women who worked (no judgment, just repeating what I heard on NPR) while men who stay home were miserable compared to men who work.

I don't believe this study. Most Stay at home moms are very unhappy and miserable. Oh and entitled.

Uhhh, I think the study done 15 years ago reflected the fact that there were few SAHDs back then and as a group they tended to be looked down on by both men and women.

SAHDs were often excluded or made to feel awkward in "Mommy and me" type classes and generally the SAHMs preferred to get together with other moms for play dates leaving the SAHDs (and there kids) feeling isolated.

I think that has gotten better now - SAHDs are a little more accepted now.

Maybe in California but not here in DMV. But at least we have Daddy and Me groups.

Did you see the thread where moms wouldn't have play dates of the dad is hosting, or not call or text them but always go through the wife. It's like they think Dynasty is real life and something explicit will blossom over games of chutes and ladders.

Yeah, unless the guy is a good personal friend of the family it's usually easier to just meet at a playground, nature center, pool or other public place (like a ball field) for a play date. Or the kids can play together during a class or activity. No big deal.

So winter or rain the only option is a class? This is why SAHD will never be a thing.

Nope. Indoor mall areas, movies, Chuck E Cheese, libraries, nature centers, museums, indoor pools at rec centers....there are lots of indoor places to take kids to meet up for play dates.

Whatever. As long as SAHM are terrified that they will get the vapors if the visit a SAHD at either ones homes with kids in toe, SAHD will always be isolated aberrations.

See they can't even text each other: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/567791.page

[Anonymous]

Probably not.

While I think it is admirable to take over the childcare duties full-time, I also would want my husband to possess a certain amount of drive + ambition.

I realize there is very little logic to what I am saying, but it is the way I genuinely feel.