S/O...Is it okay to text a married man?

[Anonymous]

Other threads got me thinking. I'm married, and I text a friend that's a married man, on occasion. Jokes, observations, etc. Our spouses know each other, but because of our particular relationships...I know the DH better and we're good friends. Is that out of line? I'm not sure his wife knows I text him...I wouldn't have a reason to ask if he tells her. I think that would be weird. Again, it's just occasionally. Is this okay, or am I overstepping boundaries I wasn't aware of?

[Anonymous]

I text one married male friend and also text married coworkers - the latter is exclusively work related. We work in an industry with long hours and tons of travel, so texting between coworkers re urgent work stuff is common. For the friend, i would never text anything I wouldn't want his wife (also my friend) to see.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. Some of those other threads are crazy. A spouse is not your possession. Who cares if married people text their friends? Though to be honest I also don't much care about spouses (including my own) mildly flirting with others. People are too uptight.

[Anonymous]

I am a married women. I have friends who are married men. I think the Rule of Thumb is the same as what I tell my kids-- don't text (email, snapchat, whatever) something you aren't 100% comfortable having you DH and his DW see (With my kids it, parents, police, principal). If you are fine if your DH or his DW picks up your phone and sees the texts, go for it.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP but would also add that these texts shouldn't be frequent and replacing social time with your spouse. For example, my DH would come home from work, text pics of our kids to his coworker saying "they missed me!" And then continue texting her on and off throughout the evening with random crap. All the while ignoring me. Content of texts was innocent, but DH was making a lot of effort to make another woman laugh and engage with her, and treating me like the household help. Not okay.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I agree. I never text anything I wouldn't mind his DW seeing. Life is too short to be so uptight about stuff. However, I wouldn't be texting a selfie in a French maid get-up... Lol.

[Anonymous]

When will people figure out that almost everyone has opposite sex friends that came along before marriage?

It is a matter of how much you contact the person and the context of it. One of my married female friends like hockey, her husband doesn't, and we can discuss that. That is just one example.

Same goes for e-mailing one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a married women. I have friends who are married men. I think the Rule of Thumb is the same as what I tell my kids-- don't text (email, snapchat, whatever) something you aren't 100% comfortable having you DH and his DW see (With my kids it, parents, police, principal). If you are fine if your DH or his DW picks up your phone and sees the texts, go for it.

THIS. I'm married and a great guy friend of mine lives with his gf. We text all the time. There's no wrong intent on either of our parts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a married women. I have friends who are married men. I think the Rule of Thumb is the same as what I tell my kids-- don't text (email, snapchat, whatever) something you aren't 100% comfortable having you DH and his DW see (With my kids it, parents, police, principal). If you are fine if your DH or his DW picks up your phone and sees the texts, go for it.

Agree completely! I'm female and all of the guys I frequently text with that are in relationships, we all hang out as couples anyway. So it's not weird for any of us in the group to text any one other person. It's all about transparency.

[Anonymous]

Oh, thank goodness.

I thought all of DCUM agreed that having an opposite sex friend requires a divorce. Immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, thank goodness.

I thought all of DCUM agreed that having an opposite sex friend requires a divorce. Immediately.

The people that say that are the people that have trust issues.

[Anonymous]

I had an older male friend I chit chatted with. At the time we started talking he was married, so was I but I never knew about his wife. We never talked about our personal lives. I became good friends with his wife two years after meeting him. We are still friends.

My husband knew, didn't care. I hide nothing. Not even email passwords.

[Anonymous]

Sure! I do all the time. My husband texts women who are friends and vice versa. It isn't a secret and there's nothing I wouldn't want my husband to see. Some of these people on DCUM are bananas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, thank goodness.

I thought all of DCUM agreed that having an opposite sex friend requires a divorce. Immediately.

The people that say that are the people that have trust issues.

+1. I don't truly believe it is as many people as some of these threads would make it appear. More like a couple of people are a very vocal, either because they know they married an asshole or because they're completely paranoid.

[Anonymous]

Jokes, observations, etc. on occasion? Perfectly fine/normal.

Selfies from bed? No.

Pics in a french maid costume? No.

Anything you wouldn't want your gran to know, or your kids to read? No.

People aren't crazy for having standards of decency greater than those of a common trollop.

If you have to ask if what you're doing is okay, it's probably not.