I was an AP and now I'm a wife, AMA

[Anonymous]

OP is one fucked up person...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here's the deal: many people tell the next wife, husband, or lover that the last wife, husband, or lover was damaged, crazy, impossible, or pressured them into marriage.

Insecure people fear that if they told the truth-- I'm a grown-ass person who fell in love with and married someone and it didn't work out because I'm human and fucked up -- then they won't get another chance at love.

Your husband sold you that and you believed it as a woman of questionable judgment in your 20s. Sleeping with a married man takes low self esteem and that's the kind of personality that will buy "he cheated because she sucks and I'm special" from a man who is at that very moment breaking a promise to someone else.

Maybe he won't cheat- or maybe you won't catch him and he won't leave because there's only so much child support one man can pay-- but nobody wants the secret to your success. I pity your stupidity and lack of judgment. I pity your husband's children and relatives for having to put up with the likes of you two.

This!!

[Anonymous]

Do you ever feel bad for his ex wife? My AP is currently going through a divorce, and I feel bad about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. What if there were no children involved with the first marriage? Would anyone feel differently?

I would, and I hate cheating. I would never condone it, but I wouldn't feel as badly about it. To me, adults have the right to f*** up their own lives. It's a free country. But they don't have a right to do it to kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1 It was awkward enough doing playdates with the cheater dad, but at least I could tell myself that it was about our kids' friendship and I shouldn't punish a nice kid because his dad was an ass. But then dad makes a playdate, I take my kid to the house and the only adult at home is the homewrecker (of course they moved in together immediately) playing wife and mommy. So I got stuck having to answer "Who was that lady, she's not Larlo's mom, why does she live there?" and I had to figure out what to say to the ex-wife who is a very nice woman who I like a lot. Never again!

NP here. I find it odd that you have way worse things to say about the OW than the husband who cheated. IMHO, he's the true "homewrecker" who blew up his own family. The OW is maybe an accessory to the crime, but the husband is the true criminal in my view. And in this day and age, you're going to have to get used to explaining to your kids about divorce and remarriage, "Larlo's mom doesn't live there anymore. Larlo's dad has a new friend that he lives with, and Larlo's mom has her own new house." Kids are adaptable.

BTW, I have no skin in this game. Happily married with no indication of infidelity on either side.

+1000, I don't understand the people on here carrying on about the OW and how play dates are off limits. These things happen in real life and you as a parent will have to explain how real life happens and that not everyone has the same circumstances as you do. I also am shocked about the moral high horse that many of you sit upon, as though you think life is so very black and white. Eat a piece of humble pie and get over yourself. Be grateful that so far nothing has touched your own life in such a way....I feel bad for your children!

It is very rare in real life that an OW ends up being a wife, it is also rare that it works. This is not "real life" .. It's fringe life. Like the dripunl dad who wants to drive my son to the Maryland basketball games, or the stoner mom who is not smart enough to hide it from her kids, or the bipolar neighbor who screams at kids for wearing different colored socks.

Our job is to limit our kids access to crazy.

Being self destructive is not the same as the mom depressed over breast cancer or the dad who is impatient because his brother just died of an
OD. Avoiding crazy is not judgemental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op, do you realize that this forum is full of married women who are worried that someone will steal their dh?

I don't think they're worried that someone will stead their dh. I do think they view infidelity as wrong and wouldn't want their own children to have affairs with married people. Sometimes those views come with maturity. There are also those who never really develop the maturity to understand that we need to think of how our behavior can affect others. On a frequent basis, I see middle school kids in the counselors' offices expressing sadness and anger about having to spend weekends with the girlfriend or boyfriend of a parent.

+1

The middle schoolers that I teach complain a lot about Mommy and Daddy's new partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here's the deal: many people tell the next wife, husband, or lover that the last wife, husband, or lover was damaged, crazy, impossible, or pressured them into marriage.

Insecure people fear that if they told the truth-- I'm a grown-ass person who fell in love with and married someone and it didn't work out because I'm human and fucked up -- then they won't get another chance at love.

Your husband sold you that and you believed it as a woman of questionable judgment in your 20s. Sleeping with a married man takes low self esteem and that's the kind of personality that will buy "he cheated because she sucks and I'm special" from a man who is at that very moment breaking a promise to someone else.

Maybe he won't cheat- or maybe you won't catch him and he won't leave because there's only so much child support one man can pay-- but nobody wants the secret to your success. I pity your stupidity and lack of judgment. I pity your husband's children and relatives for having to put up with the likes of you two.

THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you support Trump?

No I support Clinton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a child of divorce (no cheating, just didn't work out) and the two homes thing was cool. I had two rooms that I got to decorate as I liked, friends at both places and so on. It was not earthshattering or whatever as people here state.

Also, I think it's effed up to gloat that you played a role in breaking up a marriage, but all the outrage and vitriol here is a bit much. It's not your marriage, your kid(s), your life, so dial it down people.

Finally my question to the OP: What has your husband learned from the experience that would make him a better husband to you?

He learned not to marry someone he didn't love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever feel bad for his ex wife? My AP is currently going through a divorce, and I feel bad about it.

I do and I wish her the best!

[Anonymous]

A mistress who wants attention. Shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A mistress who wants attention. Shocking.

Tale as old as time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you embarrassed that your relationship started as an affair? What did your friends and family think? were children involved?

Not at all, you can't help who you fall in love with. They didn't like it at first, but they see how happy we are together. He has one kid with his ex. We're TTC now.

Of course you can. You don't fall in love with people you don't spend time with. You don't spend time with married men, you pretend you've fallen in love with them.

You're a miserable mess, OP. But I suspect deep down you know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you support Trump?

No I support Clinton.

Why am I not surprised? This is the most telling thing OP has said yet.

[Anonymous]

Gross no thank you