married to someone with a perfect education pedigree who has never lived up to the potential

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These comments that imply that someone can just "go out and earn" a $500k salary are delusional. 90% of graduates from even the top schools will never have an opportunity to make that kind of money. Lawyers who work outside of biglaw will probably never see that kind of money, but that doesn't mean they didn't graduate top of their class from top schools. There is a lot of luck involved in bringing home that much bacon. To simply expect your spouse to get out there and "hustle" his/her way into a 500k paycheck need a reality check.

Exactly. There are only so many top jobs to go around to graduates of top 25 undergrads and top 10 MBA/JD/medical schools. Not every Harvard graduate is going to be a rousing success.

[Anonymous]

I'm 43.

You're right, health issues are the biggest thing. There is no doubt that a bout of cancer or something similar would change things. In addition, in my field, I see people hit their early fifties and flounder. It appears to be hard to move around in corporate America when you hit that age. It's important to realize that and live within your means as much as possible (pay as you go).

It is also extremely important to realize that money isn't everything. Although we have a high HHI I wouldn't wish our current lifestyle on anyone. As I mentioned earlier, I have absolutely no work-life balance and my spouse and children suffer. I think all too often people on this board think they can have the work-life balance they have at $200k at a $500k salary. I honestly don't know anyone where that is the case (I'm not in the trust fund crowd). When you make $500k you are expected to make work your number one priority. If you don't you will be let go.

There are no guarantees in life. You just do the best you can and muddle through. I think that is what most people do. What you can't do is whine about it. Figure out what you want to accomplish and find a way to get there. The OP wants to find a way for her spouse to make more money. The bottom line is you can't control other people's actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about going into management? That usually pays more, especially in the health care fields.

I am in management.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I'm in a low paying career (think nursing, social work) and have pretty much maxed out my income potential. I make in the low 6 figures which puts me in the top 1% in my field for salaries. I have jumped at every opportunity I was offered and worked really hard to get where I am.
I'm never going to get to $500K unless I completely retrain into something else (which I have considered but it seems foolish to invest big $$ into a graduate degree in another field when I have kids' colleges to fund). I suppose I could open up a business but honestly I'm not sure how I would go about that. Plus we can't afford to lose my income for however many years that would take.

It's just not possible to make $500k in the vast, VAST majority of careers.

So op earns at least $100k and her husband earns at least $100k....and she's complaining that they are too poor to live a decent life all b/c her husband didn't get a more lucrative job! Dang!

That is some kind of hell. Get thee some counselling to re-evaluate your life. It will be the best $ you've ever spent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I disagree with you. I had bosses who gave excellent recommendations and I heard about great jobs because I work hard, am reliable and competent. The two issues are very much connected.

Where I am lucky is that I grew up in a stable home with a Mom and Dad who loved me very much. Every day my parents told me I could do anything I want and they really listened to me and encouraged me. We didn't have much money (and I never received any handouts), but I had a great family. A stable family makes ALL the difference in the world. It is sad that seems to be the exception instead of the rule.

Not to change the topic, but we can throw all the money we want at schools to try to bridge the gap, but I really don't know how we solve the problem with kids who come from a broken home.

I wonder how old you are. I've seen people who are really hard workers run into some bad luck and it was not their fault. Sure, people recover from setbacks, but the folks who never run into bad luck end up ahead.

Agree.

PP you quote is quite naive. Hard work matters and helps but luck, or absence of bad luck, does, too. I saw that numerous times in a 33-yr + professional career. I was one of the good (and lucky) ones, fortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I was with you until I read the worry that no being able to send the kids to private school meant you wouldn't have anything beyond a bare bones existence. While I do understand the frustration and sadness that comes with realizing life will not be what you once dreamt it will be, think about what really matters. Do you and your husband have fun together? Is he a good father? Do you love eachother? Money is certainly necesasry in this world but it doesn't buy happiness. Choices buy happiness. If you're stressed about money with your current lifestyle, downsize. I promise you there are few things worst than financial stress.

Nevertheless, if you and he both agreed he would pursuse a top university degree and that you would sacrifice your education for the benefit of your family as a whole, that totally sucks. I'd be annoyed too, but I'd talk to DH about why he is in his career vs. the career I envisioned, and think, very very carefully before throwing him out for having a solid steady albeit non-super star job. From a purely selfish POV, how much better is your life going to be if you divorce?

OP here. I appreciate what you say here.
I do want to clarify that my kids have been in public school for elementary and we're big advocates of public school. However, we have one child who may benefit from private school going forward so we're beginning to explore this for one child only.

Yeah? So what's keeping you from earning the money for this?

Honest to god, it takes a special kind of chutzpah to post shit like this. How much do YOU make, OP? WTF is wrong with you that you can't earn the money to support the lifestyle you think you deserve?

[Anonymous]

"Oh, woe is me, where's my sugar daddy?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I disagree with you. I had bosses who gave excellent recommendations and I heard about great jobs because I work hard, am reliable and competent. The two issues are very much connected.

Where I am lucky is that I grew up in a stable home with a Mom and Dad who loved me very much. Every day my parents told me I could do anything I want and they really listened to me and encouraged me. We didn't have much money (and I never received any handouts), but I had a great family. A stable family makes ALL the difference in the world. It is sad that seems to be the exception instead of the rule.

Not to change the topic, but we can throw all the money we want at schools to try to bridge the gap, but I really don't know how we solve the problem with kids who come from a broken home.

I wonder how old you are. I've seen people who are really hard workers run into some bad luck and it was not their fault. Sure, people recover from setbacks, but the folks who never run into bad luck end up ahead.

Agree.

PP you quote is quite naive. Hard work matters and helps but luck, or absence of bad luck, does, too. I saw that numerous times in a 33-yr + professional career. I was one of the good (and lucky) ones, fortunately.

I'm the pp poster you said is naive. I've been working 21 plus years so I'm not a babe in the woods. People often say they are unlucky when the reality is they just don't work hard or are not willing to make the sacrifices needed to get to the very top of the economic ladder (which is fine, it's not for everyone). Obviously there are exceptions and I don't dispute that. My dad died at 48 after a long illness so I'm very aware that bad luck can occur in your prime years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I disagree with you. I had bosses who gave excellent recommendations and I heard about great jobs because I work hard, am reliable and competent. The two issues are very much connected.

Where I am lucky is that I grew up in a stable home with a Mom and Dad who loved me very much. Every day my parents told me I could do anything I want and they really listened to me and encouraged me. We didn't have much money (and I never received any handouts), but I had a great family. A stable family makes ALL the difference in the world. It is sad that seems to be the exception instead of the rule.

Not to change the topic, but we can throw all the money we want at schools to try to bridge the gap, but I really don't know how we solve the problem with kids who come from a broken home.

I wonder how old you are. I've seen people who are really hard workers run into some bad luck and it was not their fault. Sure, people recover from setbacks, but the folks who never run into bad luck end up ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the first thing to remember is that you can only control your behavior not others, including your spouse and children.

My husband has and engineering degree from the top two universities in his field. He works for a nonprofit in a job he loves. I wasted way too many years being frustrated with him. I decided I was the one who wanted the extra money so it was my responsibility to earn it. I now make about $500k a year including bonus and options and we have the lifestyle I want (my husband still doesn't care).

Contr your own behavior because it is the only thing you can control!

NP here. Well, that's fantastic advice for everyone. I can't wait to go score my new job, I will take my behavior and responsibilities seriously. Now, hmm, where oh where, is that flipping 500,000 a year job? Easy peasy, eh?

[Anonymous]

i don't blame OP. If I had agreed to be the working spouse while my spouse got a very pricey graduate degree--I'd be ticked too if that degree wasn't being put to productive use. I wonder if OP is now wishing she had been the one to pursue the brass ring instead but since college for kids is looming no longer has the runway to switch up careers herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the first thing to remember is that you can only control your behavior not others, including your spouse and children.

My husband has and engineering degree from the top two universities in his field. He works for a nonprofit in a job he loves. I wasted way too many years being frustrated with him. I decided I was the one who wanted the extra money so it was my responsibility to earn it. I now make about $500k a year including bonus and options and we have the lifestyle I want (my husband still doesn't care).

Contr your own behavior because it is the only thing you can control!

NP here. Well, that's fantastic advice for everyone. I can't wait to go score my new job, I will take my behavior and responsibilities seriously. Now, hmm, where oh where, is that flipping 500,000 a year job? Easy peasy, eh?

Yes, I'd like extra money. How can I make $500k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the first thing to remember is that you can only control your behavior not others, including your spouse and children.

My husband has and engineering degree from the top two universities in his field. He works for a nonprofit in a job he loves. I wasted way too many years being frustrated with him. I decided I was the one who wanted the extra money so it was my responsibility to earn it. I now make about $500k a year including bonus and options and we have the lifestyle I want (my husband still doesn't care).

Contr your own behavior because it is the only thing you can control!

NP here. Well, that's fantastic advice for everyone. I can't wait to go score my new job, I will take my behavior and responsibilities seriously. Now, hmm, where oh where, is that flipping 500,000 a year job? Easy peasy, eh?

Yes, I'd like extra money. How can I make $500k?

Well, according to one PP you just need to work really hard and volunteer for every new opportunity, however, menial. Before you know it you will be on half a million a year.

[Anonymous]

If you are barely scraping by on a HHI of $200K, something tells me that you wouldn't be happy on $500k...

Our HHI is $225 and I feel immensely lucky. I have everything I could ever need, and most of the things that I want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Oh, woe is me, where's my sugar daddy?"

OP here.
Lol.
I supported him through school and financed his degree.
I am the sugar mama.

Or actually--I like to think of us as a team.