married to someone with a perfect education pedigree who has never lived up to the potential

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in a similar position. DH went to top schools, did very well academically, and his first jobs were fairly prestigious. Over time, though, he just fell behind. In his case I believe it is a deep lack of confidence and reluctance towards self-assertion -- maybe even some unconscious ambivalence about being successful. He's also too much of a perfectionist for his own good, which really kills his efficiency. I will say that when he does complete a project it is always excellent, however.

Anyway, I spent the better part of my 30's resentful and feeling a bit ripped off about this. My solution was to go back to school and work on my own career. I now make most of the money and he's taken on more home responsibilities. Hey, it wasn't what I signed on for but it's better than sitting around feeling angry. He's a good man and a great dad. Just a lousy earner. Oh well, what can you do?

[Anonymous]

10:56 here: I was in gov't for 12 years and now I work for a company in gov't affairs. Mind you, I travel ALL the time and have no work-life balance. It will be too hard on my family long-term.

[Anonymous]

These comments that imply that someone can just "go out and earn" a $500k salary are delusional. 90% of graduates from even the top schools will never have an opportunity to make that kind of money. Lawyers who work outside of biglaw will probably never see that kind of money, but that doesn't mean they didn't graduate top of their class from top schools. There is a lot of luck involved in bringing home that much bacon. To simply expect your spouse to get out there and "hustle" his/her way into a 500k paycheck need a reality check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why don't you tell us how much each of you makes?

OP also has not said whether she and DH made the decision together for DH to spend a lot on education or whether DH was already on that path when she met him.

She clarified at 13:31 that she moved and lost educational opportunities for this degree, and decided together to pay "zillions of dollars"

OP should quit bitching and go out and earn some megabucks herself. The fact that she spent a couple of years in a city that she didn't want to be in does nothing to prevent her from earning as much as she wants now. Plenty of people rock up to this country with nothing more than a guitar and a song and make millions.

Set up your own business. Being disappointed at someone else's lack of ambition is pathetic.

[Anonymous]

OP, IMO you can commiserate re: the debt, you can't complain about his career trajectory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that the DH is in the govt making 110-150, which in addition to her salary affords them a perfectly nice middle class life. Yet now that the kids are getting older, college is looming, and she wants to consider private school - she's realizing it isn't all that easy and would be much easier if her DH would bring home 250k+ by himself like so many of his classmates.

In general I agree w DH - you got the damn degree that she helped pay for, now use it. Doesn't matter if it won't make happy to be in the rat race - he can deal for 10 yrs, sock away cash and then go back to his cushy job. And yes I'd say the same if the situation was reversed and it was the wife wasting away earnings potential; I know of a similar situation where the wife is an MD and just does not want to work - she barely wants to work part time and wants the DH to provide, which he does yet just given their career choices, he doesn't have the same earnings potential in engineering that she does in medicine.

Disagree. Having a good degree doesn't mean you should be forced into a soul crushing job. Sounds like OP thought she would have it easy after he got his degree and is disappointed that her Meal ticket doesn't make more money.

I don't even get this. Why did you even pursue a good degree if not for the opportunity to make money? I pursued professional degrees from top schools because they would allow me to make money and that money gives me options whether items going out to eat or investing the money and retiring earlier. Are there all these people out there going to professional schools bc of a quest for knowledge and helping people with no real desire to monetize that degree?? That certainly wasn't me and sounds like it isn't OP either.

Wow.

Just wow.

Shallow much?

If I was your parent, my thought would be "what a disappointment and failure to live up to potential" (as a productive, well rounded person).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't even get this. Why did you even pursue a good degree if not for the opportunity to make money? I pursued professional degrees from top schools because they would allow me to make money and that money gives me options whether items going out to eat or investing the money and retiring earlier. Are there all these people out there going to professional schools bc of a quest for knowledge and helping people with no real desire to monetize that degree?? That certainly wasn't me and sounds like it isn't OP either.

Spoken like a person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These comments that imply that someone can just "go out and earn" a $500k salary are delusional. 90% of graduates from even the top schools will never have an opportunity to make that kind of money. Lawyers who work outside of biglaw will probably never see that kind of money, but that doesn't mean they didn't graduate top of their class from top schools. There is a lot of luck involved in bringing home that much bacon. To simply expect your spouse to get out there and "hustle" his/her way into a 500k paycheck need a reality check.

I'm 13:17. It's not luck. I come from a low middle income family from Podunk USA and attended middling undergraduate and graduate schools. My guess is that you would have never heard of my college. My intelligence is on the high side of average. The bottom line is that I have ALWAYS worked my ass off and I never said "no" to even the most menial tasks. I started at the very bottom, receptionist in a Congressional office, and worked my way up. It was a very long slow road from $18k a year, but it can be done if you are willing to work hard. Luck had nothing to do with it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These comments that imply that someone can just "go out and earn" a $500k salary are delusional. 90% of graduates from even the top schools will never have an opportunity to make that kind of money. Lawyers who work outside of biglaw will probably never see that kind of money, but that doesn't mean they didn't graduate top of their class from top schools. There is a lot of luck involved in bringing home that much bacon. To simply expect your spouse to get out there and "hustle" his/her way into a 500k paycheck need a reality check.

I'm 13:17. It's not luck. I come from a low middle income family from Podunk USA and attended middling undergraduate and graduate schools. My guess is that you would have never heard of my college. My intelligence is on the high side of average. The bottom line is that I have ALWAYS worked my ass off and I never said "no" to even the most menial tasks. I started at the very bottom, receptionist in a Congressional office, and worked my way up. It was a very long slow road from $18k a year, but it can be done if you are willing to work hard. Luck had nothing to do with it...

You'd actually be surprised at how much luck has to do with it. Being in the right place at the right time, working for a boss who gives a good recommendation that others respect, even hearing that a certain job is available at a time when you are available. I know someone who had a great career and as things were progressing along nicely, a boss of his was arrested for crimes that had nothing to do with work. That incident had a somewhat chilling effect on my friend's career because of his association with the ex-boss. It was complete bad luck that he'd been assigned to work for the guy.

[Anonymous]

No, I disagree with you. I had bosses who gave excellent recommendations and I heard about great jobs because I work hard, am reliable and competent. The two issues are very much connected.

Where I am lucky is that I grew up in a stable home with a Mom and Dad who loved me very much. Every day my parents told me I could do anything I want and they really listened to me and encouraged me. We didn't have much money (and I never received any handouts), but I had a great family. A stable family makes ALL the difference in the world. It is sad that seems to be the exception instead of the rule.

Not to change the topic, but we can throw all the money we want at schools to try to bridge the gap, but I really don't know how we solve the problem with kids who come from a broken home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't even get this. Why did you even pursue a good degree if not for the opportunity to make money? I pursued professional degrees from top schools because they would allow me to make money and that money gives me options whether items going out to eat or investing the money and retiring earlier. Are there all these people out there going to professional schools bc of a quest for knowledge and helping people with no real desire to monetize that degree?? That certainly wasn't me and sounds like it isn't OP either.

Spoken like a person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Professional student or family money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't even get this. Why did you even pursue a good degree if not for the opportunity to make money? I pursued professional degrees from top schools because they would allow me to make money and that money gives me options whether items going out to eat or investing the money and retiring earlier. Are there all these people out there going to professional schools bc of a quest for knowledge and helping people with no real desire to monetize that degree?? That certainly wasn't me and sounds like it isn't OP either.

Spoken like a person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Professional student or family money?

Pp or me (who you quote)?

Neither here, just 33 yrs of professional excellence in work that was more rewarding than mere monetary measure. And yet I still saved and invested and retired at 58 not needing to work.

PP I quoted .... Who knows? Probably too busy buying baubles ...

[Anonymous]

OP here.
I'm in a low paying career (think nursing, social work) and have pretty much maxed out my income potential. I make in the low 6 figures which puts me in the top 1% in my field for salaries. I have jumped at every opportunity I was offered and worked really hard to get where I am.
I'm never going to get to $500K unless I completely retrain into something else (which I have considered but it seems foolish to invest big $$ into a graduate degree in another field when I have kids' colleges to fund). I suppose I could open up a business but honestly I'm not sure how I would go about that. Plus we can't afford to lose my income for however many years that would take.

It's just not possible to make $500k in the vast, VAST majority of careers.

[Anonymous]

What about going into management? That usually pays more, especially in the health care fields.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I disagree with you. I had bosses who gave excellent recommendations and I heard about great jobs because I work hard, am reliable and competent. The two issues are very much connected.

Where I am lucky is that I grew up in a stable home with a Mom and Dad who loved me very much. Every day my parents told me I could do anything I want and they really listened to me and encouraged me. We didn't have much money (and I never received any handouts), but I had a great family. A stable family makes ALL the difference in the world. It is sad that seems to be the exception instead of the rule.

Not to change the topic, but we can throw all the money we want at schools to try to bridge the gap, but I really don't know how we solve the problem with kids who come from a broken home.

I wonder how old you are. I've seen people who are really hard workers run into some bad luck and it was not their fault. Sure, people recover from setbacks, but the folks who never run into bad luck end up ahead.