married to someone with a perfect education pedigree who has never lived up to the potential

[Anonymous]

Oh good god how does anyone justify pissing and moaning about someone else not knocking themselves out to have a job they don't want and likely never aspired to?

I can understand if you both made sacrifices to finance a particular career path and then one spouse just switched things up and decided they couldn't be bothered. But whether you hint before marriage or wallow in resentment after marriage, you should really LISTEN to what your partner/spouse is indicating about HIS/HER intended career path and not let your imagination run wild with what YOU think they should or could be doing.

All these "helpful" suggestions about what alternate career paths the DH could pursue...If he was interested, he'd be looking into it himself!

Good grief. Fellas I can see why you would run screaming from marriage if this really was how the majority of women thought. Do we really just see men as lumps of clay for us to shape as we wish?

Don't even get me started on the HHI of "only" $300K...

[Anonymous]

PP Here, Engineering, Economics, Political Science.

You have to get a degree that comes to a conclusion/solution/agreement.

In this area, Engineering/Economics/Political Science you can get a sweet consulting job or work in the government and will be making at least $85K.

Political Science could be good for staffer and lobbying as well.

People in college should ask themselves where do I want to be in 5 years or 10 years.

BTW, this is coming from someone who thinks pursuing a law degree is bad choice. But then again, I am not looking to make $300K+/yr.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$65K at 27 is not good for this area if you have a good degree.

What's a "good degree" to you?

[Anonymous]

Can I join in on this? I supported my spouse through a PhD program and am currently paying their loans (while they are a SAHP). It makes my blood boil sometimes when I see the student loan payment drafted out of our checking account, but I realize I am going to pay either way (in child support/alimony) so I might as well take it on the chin now. It's not a win net net to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP Here, Engineering, Economics, Political Science.

You have to get a degree that comes to a conclusion/solution/agreement.

In this area, Engineering/Economics/Political Science you can get a sweet consulting job or work in the government and will be making at least $85K.

Political Science could be good for staffer and lobbying as well.

People in college should ask themselves where do I want to be in 5 years or 10 years.

BTW, this is coming from someone who thinks pursuing a law degree is bad choice. But then again, I am not looking to make $300K+/yr.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$65K at 27 is not good for this area if you have a good degree.

What's a "good degree" to you?

Does a masters in middle eastern studies count as a "good degree"?

Don;t most people with that qualification go on to work at Think Tanks earning 32k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Does a masters in middle eastern studies count as a "good degree"?

No, it doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Does a masters in middle eastern studies count as a "good degree"?

No, it doesn't.

+1 - any degree with "studies" in the title should get an immediate parental veto when the tuition bill comes. That's a sure fire way to end up slogging it out on the lower end of the pay scale. Interesting, yes, admirable, sure, but not a good investment with your educational dollars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a professional degree from a top school. Think JD or MBA from Harvard. Or MD from Harvard or Hopkins. He was in the top 5%
in his class. Now he's probably easily in the bottom 5% of his school's graduates in terms of income. He works a government job that
he could easily have gotten with a degree from anywhere. We paid a zillion dollars for his degree and he worked really hard to get it.

Our lives are crazy because we're both chasing our tails trying to work full time (we can't live off his salary), raise kids and make ends meet.
I resent him for this. I'm finally admitting it. We've passed 40 and our lives could be so different if 10 years ago he
would have taken a different path professionally. I feel like I would resent him LESS if he has just gone somewhere
middle-of-the-road for school and then continued on on his government path. It just seems to me that he wasted a great opportunity.

Anyone relate?

Go ahead and slam me for this. I'm sure i deserve it.

Why didn't you work harder in school so HE could stay home? Why are your lives crazy other than you both work full time and you are raising children? I've been working full time and raising kids for 16 years now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is VENTING on an anonymous forum targeted towards mothers about having an unbalanced life because DH didn't get a good ROI on his degree and isn't making more money, and asking if anyone can relate to this. Clearly, she has come to the wrong place for support. You haggards are heartless!

SHE should make her own damn money. More money, I mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is VENTING on an anonymous forum targeted towards mothers about having an unbalanced life because DH didn't get a good ROI on his degree and isn't making more money, and asking if anyone can relate to this. Clearly, she has come to the wrong place for support. You haggards are heartless!

SHE should make her own damn money. More money, I mean.

Do you know how hard it is to be a fulltime mom AND work in say, corporate law?

Most women work low paid work-life balance jobs to sufficiently contribute to their family income while providing good childcare. It is impossible to be a good mom AND have a high powered high income job. That is why, women take low stress, jobs and leave the bread earning to their husbands.

Her complaints are valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is VENTING on an anonymous forum targeted towards mothers about having an unbalanced life because DH didn't get a good ROI on his degree and isn't making more money, and asking if anyone can relate to this. Clearly, she has come to the wrong place for support. You haggards are heartless!

SHE should make her own damn money. More money, I mean.

Do you know how hard it is to be a fulltime mom AND work in say, corporate law?

Most women work low paid work-life balance jobs to sufficiently contribute to their family income while providing good childcare. It is impossible to be a good mom AND have a high powered high income job. That is why, women take low stress, jobs and leave the bread earning to their husbands.

Her complaints are valid.

Come on, Melissa Mayer did it. Just build a nursery next to your office and hire full time staff to take care of your kids 10 feet away from your office and then criticize all your female employees for not being able to maintain work/life balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is VENTING on an anonymous forum targeted towards mothers about having an unbalanced life because DH didn't get a good ROI on his degree and isn't making more money, and asking if anyone can relate to this. Clearly, she has come to the wrong place for support. You haggards are heartless!

SHE should make her own damn money. More money, I mean.

Personal responsibility has no place at DCUM. Only ungrateful matriarchal bitching and whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Come on, Melissa Mayer did it. Just build a nursery next to your office and hire full time staff to take care of your kids 10 feet away from your office and then criticize all your female employees for not being able to maintain work/life balance.

You forgot all while her company circles the drain. But Yahoo's so admirable because she's a woman and a moderately attractive one at that who's leaning in and having it all and yahoo is great YAH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many women do give "hints" while dating re the lifestyle they eventually want. They're not saying - I love that you love saving the world; they're saying - this is a good experience FOR NOW. Men either don't catch these hints or ignore them bc they want to marry that woman, and then a few yrs later are SHOCKED when the wife is comparing homes with her doctor sister in law or saying things like - you know best friends DH makes 2x what you make, why don't you consider consulting?

I have. My DH is only 27 with a prestigious but a liberal arts graduate degree. I wish he would go into consulting or something and make more than 65K.

Why are you hinting? Why not just flat out discuss it with him and get on the same page regarding income and financial expectation? Or do you not do that bc you think it will cause a rift that will never be repaired?

I do talk with him about it. He just doesn't budge. He doesn't really have a clear vision of where he wants to go. He does not want to get into more debt to go get another degree so he has to leverage his liberal arts degree. He could have gotten into consulting but he was too intimidated to pursue that path. Now he earns 65k and our money is very tight and we don't have any left over in a month to save.

Its especially frustrating because he;s not stupid he KNOWS where the money is. He is always advising our friends to join a consultancy firm or a big 4 accounting firm or real estate or law but...has no motivation to do anything himself.

What's your earning potential? At least he knows what the expectations are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I join in on this? I supported my spouse through a PhD program and am currently paying their loans (while they are a SAHP). It makes my blood boil sometimes when I see the student loan payment drafted out of our checking account, but I realize I am going to pay either way (in child support/alimony) so I might as well take it on the chin now. It's not a win net net to leave.

Similar story here, honestly I'm not sure how to get over the resentment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I join in on this? I supported my spouse through a PhD program and am currently paying their loans (while they are a SAHP). It makes my blood boil sometimes when I see the student loan payment drafted out of our checking account, but I realize I am going to pay either way (in child support/alimony) so I might as well take it on the chin now. It's not a win net net to leave.

Similar story here, honestly I'm not sure how to get over the resentment

Isn't it conventional wisdom that you don't go for a PhD unless it's fully funded - if you're funding it yourself with loans, the department doesn't really want you and it's not a real marketable PhD? Or is this not true anymore.