married to someone with a perfect education pedigree who has never lived up to the potential

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, at first I thought you were my husband. But I am in my early 30s he is early 40s and constantly on me to maximize the investment in the education. I just wanted to say that I believe that your frustration is valid. His choices (like mine) have an impact on the entire family, whether we are doing other things great or not. Very often people who are in situations that they feel are worse want to compare and say, oh well at least he isn't doing XYZ. To me, that has nothing to do with the ability of a person to fulfill THEIR potential.

I will say, it is never too late. He can transition anytime that he wants to. Another value of the investment he made at those schools. Usually government time doesn't work against you. But he has to want to do it.

Personally, I know that in the next few years I will be taking a different path, so I don't end up not providing the best contribution I can, and would like to do, for myself and our family.

Good luck

Transition to what? A portfolio of corporate clients? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow -- OP -- I feel really sad for you and for your husband. Dang. I thought you were going to say he hasn't had a job in the last 10 years... but no... he HAS A JOB, but you don't think it's good enough????

That is really all on you. I mean this in a serious way -- but why are you so special that you feel entitled to live off of husband's earnings? I'm a SAHM and DH is a gov. employee (and military vet -- so that helps), but why are you resentful that your husband's earnings are not sufficient to support you? As a SAHM, I don't come to this with the expectation that my husband is supposed to work so that I can stay home. We do it b/c it worked out for our family to have less stress and keep the wheels turning (so to speak).

Were you part of the decision of where your husband went to school or did you come along after that decision was made?

I really think you need to work through this sense of expectation and disappointment. The problem and the solution lie within you -- your husband has nothing to feel bad about.

reread what op said. she said "we paid ..his school.."

I think YOU need to read my post more carefully. I understand that they (as a couple) have been paying for his student loans. My question is whether OP was part of making that decision up front... maybe that's where her sense of entitlement comes from. She thought there would be more coming back. OR did she meet him after he was already in that school and she thought he was her ticket? She needs to get in touch with why this man working a decent job is not good enough for her.

[Anonymous]

^^ yes but that is in today's market. would not have been the case 20 years ago for OP's DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ yes but that is in today's market. would not have been the case 20 years ago for OP's DH.

Please. The government is filled with law firm strike-outs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at first I thought you were my husband. But I am in my early 30s he is early 40s and constantly on me to maximize the investment in the education. I just wanted to say that I believe that your frustration is valid. His choices (like mine) have an impact on the entire family, whether we are doing other things great or not. Very often people who are in situations that they feel are worse want to compare and say, oh well at least he isn't doing XYZ. To me, that has nothing to do with the ability of a person to fulfill THEIR potential.

I will say, it is never too late. He can transition anytime that he wants to. Another value of the investment he made at those schools. Usually government time doesn't work against you. But he has to want to do it.

Personally, I know that in the next few years I will be taking a different path, so I don't end up not providing the best contribution I can, and would like to do, for myself and our family.

Good luck

Transition to what? A portfolio of corporate clients? Really?

He could start his own business. He could consult. He could write. He could be a speaker. I don't know DH or his skill set, but why be so close minded?? If there is something he has, it is experience. Think outside of the box.

[Anonymous]

Neither my husband nor I have come close to meeting our potential. But we're happy and spend a lot of time with our kids. I'd love it if we had more money but neither of us are driven enough to make more. Hmph. S'okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at first I thought you were my husband. But I am in my early 30s he is early 40s and constantly on me to maximize the investment in the education. I just wanted to say that I believe that your frustration is valid. His choices (like mine) have an impact on the entire family, whether we are doing other things great or not. Very often people who are in situations that they feel are worse want to compare and say, oh well at least he isn't doing XYZ. To me, that has nothing to do with the ability of a person to fulfill THEIR potential.

I will say, it is never too late. He can transition anytime that he wants to. Another value of the investment he made at those schools. Usually government time doesn't work against you. But he has to want to do it.

Personally, I know that in the next few years I will be taking a different path, so I don't end up not providing the best contribution I can, and would like to do, for myself and our family.

Good luck

Transition to what? A portfolio of corporate clients? Really?

He could start his own business. He could consult. He could write. He could be a speaker. I don't know DH or his skill set, but why be so close minded?? If there is something he has, it is experience. Think outside of the box.

I really doubt this is what OP is looking for -- her husband to gamble their lives away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ yes but that is in today's market. would not have been the case 20 years ago for OP's DH.

Please. The government is filled with law firm strike-outs.

I'm sorry. Did we see anywhere that OP's husband is an attorney? So let's just not even start down this rabbit hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, at first I thought you were my husband. But I am in my early 30s he is early 40s and constantly on me to maximize the investment in the education. I just wanted to say that I believe that your frustration is valid. His choices (like mine) have an impact on the entire family, whether we are doing other things great or not. Very often people who are in situations that they feel are worse want to compare and say, oh well at least he isn't doing XYZ. To me, that has nothing to do with the ability of a person to fulfill THEIR potential.

I will say, it is never too late. He can transition anytime that he wants to. Another value of the investment he made at those schools. Usually government time doesn't work against you. But he has to want to do it.

Personally, I know that in the next few years I will be taking a different path, so I don't end up not providing the best contribution I can, and would like to do, for myself and our family.

Good luck

Transition to what? A portfolio of corporate clients? Really?

He could start his own business. He could consult. He could write. He could be a speaker. I don't know DH or his skill set, but why be so close minded?? If there is something he has, it is experience. Think outside of the box.

I really doubt this is what OP is looking for -- her husband to gamble their lives away.

OK, you win. Score!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither my husband nor I have come close to meeting our potential. But we're happy and spend a lot of time with our kids. I'd love it if we had more money but neither of us are driven enough to make more. Hmph. S'okay.

+1 I don't understand OP's need to compare with others to determine if she is happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ yes but that is in today's market. would not have been the case 20 years ago for OP's DH.

Please. The government is filled with law firm strike-outs.

I'm sorry. Did we see anywhere that OP's husband is an attorney? So let's just not even start down this rabbit hole.

So what?

[Anonymous]

OP is VENTING on an anonymous forum targeted towards mothers about having an unbalanced life because DH didn't get a good ROI on his degree and isn't making more money, and asking if anyone can relate to this. Clearly, she has come to the wrong place for support. You haggards are heartless!

[Anonymous]

It is difficult without knowing the particulars of your situation. Perhaps your husband could tap into some position with his degree that guarantees him untold wealth. But it seems he has a stable job and without knowing more, simply doing well at a top college does not guarantee a high income. It's hard therefore to say gee op you were deceived.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
I think what bothers me is that we sacrificed a lot (in money and time) for his schooling. I sacrificed my own schooling opportunities because we were stuck in a particular city for his.
Then his school classmates (he's now 10 years out) and our friends, neighbors and associates in DC are all so ambitious. He just is not. It bugs me.

He's been handed advancements in his job because he came in way over qualified and over time became indispensable to a wide array of people (just by being who he is). He's smart and this comes out over years and when there's an opening people have said, 'well XX would be good for this, he's been doing this job anyway for the past year". But looking back I'm just maddened by him. He could have (and still could) be so much more. We're sort of on the hamster wheel. We both work long hours and will never get ahead of our mortgage or be able to pay for private school or anything beyond a pretty-bare-bones existence. A good life but sort of "government cogs in a wheel" sort of life.
He is brilliant but has zero ambition.

[Anonymous]

OP ignore the haters. I completely understand your frustration!

I am in the same boat as you. My dh has had a very good education. Private secondary school, great private college and a graduate degree from an almost Harvard like institution. He could've had his pick of careers AND companies upon graduation.

Instead he picks a shady, low paying job that you could get with an associates degree or a degree from any subpar state school.

Im befuddled by his lost potential and saddened that he can't see how much he can do. I also resent him because of his unnecessary choices, we will have to struggle to make ends meet or leave this area all together.