Am I wrong for having an affair with a married man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, thanks for the laugh! But I won't be shamed into ending it. I've read the arguments against me, but I just don't think I'm doing anything wrong.

The why did you ask? Between your friends and the posts here I'd guess that 95% think you ARE doing something wrong. It seems pointless to ask opinions if you've already determined that you're in the right regardless of the opposing odds.

People like you can't be shamed. You're simply too stupid to understand.

[Anonymous]

Oh, to be single again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, to be single again!

You can be, if that's what you want.

[Anonymous]

Then why are you still checking this thread? Why did you start it in the first place? You could have easily checked the archives for another on the same topic. You haven't explained why you posted.

The man you are having an affair with claims he loves his wife and yet, for three years, he has cold-bloodedly lied to her about one of the most intimate aspects of their life together.

Here is my question to you: How can you be attracted to a person who has no integrity, who betrays someone he supposedly loves every single day? I could not spend three years with someone who is capable of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a never-been-married 40 year old woman and I've been in an affair with a 55 year old married man for 3 years. I'm happy. I love him, he loves me, sex is great, non-sex time is great. I don't want anything to change. Several of my closest women friends have told me they think I am wrong for being involved with a married guy. I say, "I'm not the one who took the vows. I'm not deceiving anyone." Should I re-think this?

Have you talked with his wife about it? If not, then you are deceiving someone.

OP here. I have not spoken with his wife and I don't feel it is my business to tell her. If she came right out and asked me, and if I lied, then I would be deceiving her. If her friends know and they don't tell her, then they are deceiving her. But she is a stranger to me, so my silence is not deception.

A lie by omission is the same to me as a lie by comission. The fact that you haven't run into her doesn't excuse your behavior, which I find reprehensible. While you may not have made vows to her, your AP did, and as others point out, you are aiding and abetting his theft of time and money that he is supposed to be investing in the marriage.

As a feminist, I completely respect your desire to not get married or have kids, but my question to you is, why do you seek to accomplish that goal in this duplicitous way? What is it about you that you cannot acheive the same goal without using a married man? Are you unable to discuss your lack of interest in marriage with partners? Are you not strong enough to stick to your own priorities, so you choose someone who is uninterested? Do you have self-esteem problems, so you tell yourself you don't want a relationship with an available man so that you are not crushed if you can't find one?

Honestly, there are many single men out there who don't want marriage. I find it odd that you can't just have the kind of relationship you want with a guy who is not a liar and a cheat. That you can't tells me a lot about your level of self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then why are you still checking this thread? Why did you start it in the first place? You could have easily checked the archives for another on the same topic. You haven't explained why you posted.

The man you are having an affair with claims he loves his wife and yet, for three years, he has cold-bloodedly lied to her about one of the most intimate aspects of their life together.

Here is my question to you: How can you be attracted to a person who has no integrity, who betrays someone he supposedly loves every single day? I could not spend three years with someone who is capable of that.

Seriously, and I'm non-monogomous, so I can totally understand why OP doesn't want get married. But, I would never want to be with a man or woman who was living a lie-such a turnoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey op. So how did you meet ?? How did you start going out?

I am 50's divorced male children raised and stable job and having no luck

We are physicians and were introduced through mutual friends at a conference. We hit it off immediately. He loves his wife and does not want to leave her, which is fine with me. I believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time.

I hope you don't give up.

I don't believe this for a minute.

Good one, though, OP. You have convinced 4 pages of commenters that you are real.

[Anonymous]

I just don't get trusting and loving someone who, by the very nature of your relationship, has proven himself untrustworthy. I'm sorry you don't think you're worth more than that, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then why are you still checking this thread? Why did you start it in the first place? You could have easily checked the archives for another on the same topic. You haven't explained why you posted.

The man you are having an affair with claims he loves his wife and yet, for three years, he has cold-bloodedly lied to her about one of the most intimate aspects of their life together.

Here is my question to you: How can you be attracted to a person who has no integrity, who betrays someone he supposedly loves every single day? I could not spend three years with someone who is capable of that.

Not to mention, he says he loves her, but he lies to her every day. What is his love worth? When he says he loves you, what value can that possibly have? Love, to him, does not apparently include integrity, honesty, or respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey op. So how did you meet ?? How did you start going out?

I am 50's divorced male children raised and stable job and having no luck

We are physicians and were introduced through mutual friends at a conference. We hit it off immediately. He loves his wife and does not want to leave her, which is fine with me. I believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time.

I hope you don't give up.

I don't believe this for a minute.

Good one, though, OP. You have convinced 4 pages of commenters that you are real.

If this is real, that debunks the money theory, since physicians make good money.

[Anonymous]

The older I get, the more I accept that someone can love a spouse yet have sex with other people and not be a bad person. What I cannot accept is hiding it. OP, he should have the balls to make an arrangement with his wife where they agree that they can have sex with others as long as it is safe and discreet. I think you are one of these women who can only get involved with unavailable men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then why are you still checking this thread? Why did you start it in the first place? You could have easily checked the archives for another on the same topic. You haven't explained why you posted.

The man you are having an affair with claims he loves his wife and yet, for three years, he has cold-bloodedly lied to her about one of the most intimate aspects of their life together.

Here is my question to you: How can you be attracted to a person who has no integrity, who betrays someone he supposedly loves every single day? I could not spend three years with someone who is capable of that.

Not to mention, he says he loves her, but he lies to her every day. What is his love worth? When he says he loves you, what value can that possibly have? Love, to him, does not apparently include integrity, honesty, or respect.

+1. This is exactly what I thought when I found out my partner was cheating on me. Once found out he begged me not to kick him out, told me he loved me, etc. I could have deluded myself that he did love me. He said it often enough. But, what kind of love is it that lies? I had access to his email, so I knew that he was lying to other women about the nature of our relationship. Why should I think that I was the only one that he was telling the truth to? Whatever he really felt or believed, I knew that I deserved to be with someone of integrity, who could be trusted, whom I knew meant what he said. That is so important in any relationship -- friends, FWBs, lovers, partners, spouses, whatever.

I think the OP has serious self-esteem problems if she is willing to settle for a relationship with someone so dishonest. She can't for a minute believe anything he says to her -- because he lies to other people, so what makes her believe he is telling her the truth about anything?

Sad.

[Anonymous]

you are full of crap OP. I don't beleive for a second that you don't want to marry this guy. You claim you love him but are just fine with him being married to another woman? And for the record, he doesn't love you. He loves what you give him. The bottom line is that you are a 40 something woman with a 19 year old mentatility. Your "love" won't change him, he isn't going to leave his wife. But you have put three years into this wasteland so you have convinced yourself that this is what you want. When I was in a sting of go nowhere relationships in my early 30s I told myself that same BS. its much easier than facing the truth is which that you have no self esteem and are making lousy choices. Its not even about "girl code" etc. You are right, you don't owe the wife any loyalty but its annoying that you think so little of yourself.

[Anonymous]

You are not committing a crime that can be prosecuted in this country. But... Are you being kind, classy, or smart? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey op. So how did you meet ?? How did you start going out?

I am 50's divorced male children raised and stable job and having no luck

We are physicians and were introduced through mutual friends at a conference. We hit it off immediately. He loves his wife and does not want to leave her, which is fine with me. I believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time.

I hope you don't give up.

I don't believe this for a minute.

Good one, though, OP. You have convinced 4 pages of commenters that you are real.

If this is real, that debunks the money theory, since physicians make good money.

It also debunks the smarts theory, since physicians are -- supposedly -- intelligent.