Am I wrong for having an affair with a married man?

[Anonymous]

Yes. In the end too many people are hurt. Even if he leaves his present wife and marries you, would you trust him? "If he does it with you, he'll do it to you." married men who run around are scum. Get rid of him.

[Anonymous]

Another day, another page of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another day, another page of this thread.

This topic never dies. Why can't people who cannot stay faithful just admit it before they get married so the other person can make a decision based on this information?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the anger is because women are told by society that we're incapable of making our own sexual decisions. The second a woman steps out of the narrow boundaries, other women get vicious. Those who respond that way can suck it. Your whole system is flawed. Women shouldn't be tasked as the gatekeepers of sex.

I'm a grown woman who likes sex, doesn't think anyone should have to be married, doesn't even think sex with someone else's spouse is *inherently* wrong. But I do object to people being deceitful and ignorant about their own roles in
Lies and Deceit. Basically, I'm anti-immature selfishness, man or woman. If her AP popped on here with his pov, I'm sure he'd be bludgeoned way worse than she is, and for good reason. These two idiots deserve each other. But the wife does not deserve either of them without being given full disclosure and a choice in the matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another day, another page of this thread.

This topic never dies. Why can't people who cannot stay faithful just admit it before they get married so the other person can make a decision based on this information?

If my husband had told me before we got married that he thought sex once or twice a month, whether or not I was satisfied with each encounter and with the frequency, was sufficient, I wouldn't have married him and wouldn't have cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another day, another page of this thread.

This topic never dies. Why can't people who cannot stay faithful just admit it before they get married so the other person can make a decision based on this information?

If my husband had told me before we got married that he thought sex once or twice a month, whether or not I was satisfied with each encounter and with the frequency, was sufficient, I wouldn't have married him and wouldn't have cheated.

Haha! Oh, PP, I mock your rationale. I have it WAY worse wrt frequency and creativity than you do, but I had a long conversation about it w my spouse and laid things out, asked him lots of questions, talked talked talked. I made it clear I wasn't the cheating kind, that id tell him the direction I was going so he wouldn't be surprised and could make his own choices. I also told him he should consider this conversation one of those "talks," that things were going not-good and I was starting to pull away. I was 30% maritally separated from him in my own mind, if not more, and things were slowly sliding to 40%.

I told him going begin his back would make me feel like crap and be the coward's way out.

We're figuring stuff out.

I think your approach was cowardly and puts the root cause for the cheating on the wrong person. You could've just told him. It would've sucked, but that's what grownups do: Have hard conversations about difficult things.

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't take 15 pages to say, "yes, you are wrong for having an affair with a married man."

(Although, for all I know, this observation was made 10 pages ago.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

Not the OP, but agreed. I have been the OW and I've been with a man who cheated on me with another W. I can't hold her responsible for his actions, nor am I responsible for anyone but myself.

Most of the self-righteous, judgemental women on here are just envious.

Of?... being in your 40's, never been married and basically being a f*k buddy? No thanks.

Not OP here, but I can think of many things someone might envy in this person's life. For one, having the complete freedom to do what she wants too do, when she wants to do it. There are a lot of replies that talk about how she is "missing" something by not being married. Being single has the advantage of not having to compromise. Married people, come on and admit it. Don't you sometimes look at your spouse and think "I wish I'd never laid eyes on you". Being single means she can spend her money any way she wants to, save or not, splurge or not. I think the vehemence of the responses indicate some hidden aggression.

I'm the PP who is definitely not jealous of the OP.

I love being married to my DH. I get OP doesn't want to be married, but the majority of women I know, even the ones that don't necessarily want to be married, do still want a LT relationship. Most women do not want to be alone. OP is not in a LT relationship. She is a F*K buddy. So, again, no, I am not jealous.

I was talking to some married women the other day, and we all agreed, we can't imagine being back on the dating seen. It's ugly out there. We are all married 15+ yrs to our DH. We all have our good/bad days in our relationships, but I would rather still be married to my DH than have OP's singledom. Sure, I miss down time and freedom, but I had that with my DH. It's kids that cause you to lose your freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another day, another page of this thread.

This topic never dies. Why can't people who cannot stay faithful just admit it before they get married so the other person can make a decision based on this information?

Maybe they think they will never stray and then that changes. I've certainly changed my mind on a lot of different topics since I got married 17 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another day, another page of this thread.

This topic never dies. Why can't people who cannot stay faithful just admit it before they get married so the other person can make a decision based on this information?

If my husband had told me before we got married that he thought sex once or twice a month, whether or not I was satisfied with each encounter and with the frequency, was sufficient, I wouldn't have married him and wouldn't have cheated.

Haha! Oh, PP, I mock your rationale. I have it WAY worse wrt frequency and creativity than you do, but I had a long conversation about it w my spouse and laid things out, asked him lots of questions, talked talked talked. I made it clear I wasn't the cheating kind, that id tell him the direction I was going so he wouldn't be surprised and could make his own choices. I also told him he should consider this conversation one of those "talks," that things were going not-good and I was starting to pull away. I was 30% maritally separated from him in my own mind, if not more, and things were slowly sliding to 40%.

I told him going begin his back would make me feel like crap and be the coward's way out.

We're figuring stuff out.

I think your approach was cowardly and puts the root cause for the cheating on the wrong person. You could've just told him. It would've sucked, but that's what grownups do: Have hard conversations about difficult things.

If you're such a wonderful person, why are you so judgemental and nasty? Somebody else took a different approach. So what? Who are you to call her "cowardly"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

Not the OP, but agreed. I have been the OW and I've been with a man who cheated on me with another W. I can't hold her responsible for his actions, nor am I responsible for anyone but myself.

Most of the self-righteous, judgemental women on here are just envious.

Of?... being in your 40's, never been married and basically being a f*k buddy? No thanks.

Not OP here, but I can think of many things someone might envy in this person's life. For one, having the complete freedom to do what she wants too do, when she wants to do it. There are a lot of replies that talk about how she is "missing" something by not being married. Being single has the advantage of not having to compromise. Married people, come on and admit it. Don't you sometimes look at your spouse and think "I wish I'd never laid eyes on you". Being single means she can spend her money any way she wants to, save or not, splurge or not. I think the vehemence of the responses indicate some hidden aggression.

I'm the PP who is definitely not jealous of the OP.

I love being married to my DH. I get OP doesn't want to be married, but the majority of women I know, even the ones that don't necessarily want to be married, do still want a LT relationship. Most women do not want to be alone. OP is not in a LT relationship. She is a F*K buddy. So, again, no, I am not jealous.

I was talking to some married women the other day, and we all agreed, we can't imagine being back on the dating seen. It's ugly out there. We are all married 15+ yrs to our DH. We all have our good/bad days in our relationships, but I would rather still be married to my DH than have OP's singledom. Sure, I miss down time and freedom, but I had that with my DH. It's kids that cause you to lose your freedom.

Wouldn't it be hilarious if her AP is one of your DHs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

Not the OP, but agreed. I have been the OW and I've been with a man who cheated on me with another W. I can't hold her responsible for his actions, nor am I responsible for anyone but myself.

Most of the self-righteous, judgemental women on here are just envious.

Of?... being in your 40's, never been married and basically being a f*k buddy? No thanks.

Not OP here, but I can think of many things someone might envy in this person's life. For one, having the complete freedom to do what she wants too do, when she wants to do it. There are a lot of replies that talk about how she is "missing" something by not being married. Being single has the advantage of not having to compromise. Married people, come on and admit it. Don't you sometimes look at your spouse and think "I wish I'd never laid eyes on you". Being single means she can spend her money any way she wants to, save or not, splurge or not. I think the vehemence of the responses indicate some hidden aggression.

I'm the PP who is definitely not jealous of the OP.

I love being married to my DH. I get OP doesn't want to be married, but the majority of women I know, even the ones that don't necessarily want to be married, do still want a LT relationship. Most women do not want to be alone. OP is not in a LT relationship. She is a F*K buddy. So, again, no, I am not jealous.

I was talking to some married women the other day, and we all agreed, we can't imagine being back on the dating seen. It's ugly out there. We are all married 15+ yrs to our DH. We all have our good/bad days in our relationships, but I would rather still be married to my DH than have OP's singledom. Sure, I miss down time and freedom, but I had that with my DH. It's kids that cause you to lose your freedom.

Wouldn't it be hilarious if her AP is one of your DHs?

If it were, all the more reason why people are hating on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another day, another page of this thread.

This topic never dies. Why can't people who cannot stay faithful just admit it before they get married so the other person can make a decision based on this information?

If my husband had told me before we got married that he thought sex once or twice a month, whether or not I was satisfied with each encounter and with the frequency, was sufficient, I wouldn't have married him and wouldn't have cheated.

Haha! Oh, PP, I mock your rationale. I have it WAY worse wrt frequency and creativity than you do, but I had a long conversation about it w my spouse and laid things out, asked him lots of questions, talked talked talked. I made it clear I wasn't the cheating kind, that id tell him the direction I was going so he wouldn't be surprised and could make his own choices. I also told him he should consider this conversation one of those "talks," that things were going not-good and I was starting to pull away. I was 30% maritally separated from him in my own mind, if not more, and things were slowly sliding to 40%.

I told him going begin his back would make me feel like crap and be the coward's way out.

We're figuring stuff out.

I think your approach was cowardly and puts the root cause for the cheating on the wrong person. You could've just told him. It would've sucked, but that's what grownups do: Have hard conversations about difficult things.

If you're such a wonderful person, why are you so judgemental and nasty? Somebody else took a different approach. So what? Who are you to call her "cowardly"?

I've seen it play out in real life. It's cowardly and cruel to go behind someone's back and then blame them for what YOU chose to do.

[Anonymous]

Hussy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hussy.

+1,000,000,000