Am I wrong for having an affair with a married man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm reading all the replies, and I have a couple of responses.

First, I don't see this as a "dead-end" relationship because I don't want to be married. I am astounded by the number of people who don't understand this. I can't possibly be the only middle-aged woman who has never wanted to be married.

Second, why did I post this? My girlfriends have been telling me that I am wrong because, according to them, I've broken some "code of the sisterhood". I wanted to see if people on here agreed. I just don't think I have any responsibility to "the sisterhood" any more than I do for his marriage vows. If I saw a woman hanging from a cliff, I would try to save her. Not because she is a woman, but because she is human.

Third, they have 3 adult children, no grandkids.

You all may be right that I'm a rotten person, karma will get me, someday I'll be lonely, etc., but for now I'm extremely content.

It seems as if I'm hearing from women and I'd be interested to hear from some guys and get their point of view also.

So after 3 years you just said to yourself, "Hey, I've been listening to my friends tell me I'm wrong, so how about check on DCUM. Yeah, that's what I'll do!"

Yeah, weak troll attempt.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, what's your name? If you're not ashamed and not deceiving anyone, no problem outing yourself, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm reading all the replies, and I have a couple of responses.

First, I don't see this as a "dead-end" relationship because I don't want to be married. I am astounded by the number of people who don't understand this. I can't possibly be the only middle-aged woman who has never wanted to be married.

Second, why did I post this? My girlfriends have been telling me that I am wrong because, according to them, I've broken some "code of the sisterhood". I wanted to see if people on here agreed. I just don't think I have any responsibility to "the sisterhood" any more than I do for his marriage vows. If I saw a woman hanging from a cliff, I would try to save her. Not because she is a woman, but because she is human.

Third, they have 3 adult children, no grandkids.

You all may be right that I'm a rotten person, karma will get me, someday I'll be lonely, etc., but for now I'm extremely content.

It seems as if I'm hearing from women and I'd be interested to hear from some guys and get their point of view also.

another man here - and completely agree with 10:01

your lack of basic comprehension, understanding and empathy is beyond astonishment. you seem to be borderline pathological and need a visit to a therapist to help you deal with whatever demons lurk in your head (and my guess, there are quite a few).

as an early 40s professional man who was recently in the dating pool and who dated a lot of women, I can tell you that your behavior and attitude is completely vile and reprehensible, as is the behavior of your AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm reading all the replies, and I have a couple of responses.

First, I don't see this as a "dead-end" relationship because I don't want to be married. I am astounded by the number of people who don't understand this. I can't possibly be the only middle-aged woman who has never wanted to be married.

Second, why did I post this? My girlfriends have been telling me that I am wrong because, according to them, I've broken some "code of the sisterhood". I wanted to see if people on here agreed. I just don't think I have any responsibility to "the sisterhood" any more than I do for his marriage vows. If I saw a woman hanging from a cliff, I would try to save her. Not because she is a woman, but because she is human.

Third, they have 3 adult children, no grandkids.

You all may be right that I'm a rotten person, karma will get me, someday I'll be lonely, etc., but for now I'm extremely content.

It seems as if I'm hearing from women and I'd be interested to hear from some guys and get their point of view also.

So after 3 years you just said to yourself, "Hey, I've been listening to my friends tell me I'm wrong, so how about check on DCUM. Yeah, that's what I'll do!"

Yeah, weak troll attempt.

OP here. Yes, it has been 3 years of listening to my friends, but I was motivated to post on DCUM because of a letter to the ethicist in last week's NY Times, as a PP pointed out.

[Anonymous]

According to Christianity yes you are wrong. You are coveting another woman's husband and you are helping him to violate his vows.

[Anonymous]

Human beings are not naturally monogamous. Society has deemed it necessary to be so. If every (most) married person had their choice, and they knew they wouldn't get a disease or face repercussions, they would probably all be having sex outside of their marriage!

If you feel morally shamed into ending your relationship with him, let it be known on this forum, as I'm younger than he is, but married, and I would love to be getting some on the side!

[Anonymous]

C'mon. This is a troll post. "I'm the OW" threads are red meat to DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Hey op. So how did you meet ?? How did you start going out?

I am 50's divorced male children raised and stable job and having no luck

[Anonymous]

Here's the column that OP seems to be using as inspiration:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/05/magazine/do-another-womans-marriage-vows-bind-me.html?rref=collection%2Fcolumn%2Fthe-ethicist&action=click&contentCollection=magazine®ion=stream&module=stream_unit&contentPlacement=4&pgtype=collection

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Human beings are not naturally monogamous. Society has deemed it necessary to be so. If every (most) married person had their choice, and they knew they wouldn't get a disease or face repercussions, they would probably all be having sex outside of their marriage!

And that's fine, so long as he gives full disclosure to his partner - if he vowed to be sexually faithful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the column that OP seems to be using as inspiration:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/05/magazine/do-another-womans-marriage-vows-bind-me.html?rref=collection%2Fcolumn%2Fthe-ethicist&action=click&contentCollection=magazine®ion=stream&module=stream_unit&contentPlacement=4&pgtype=collection

I don't "seem to be" using it for inspiration, I AM using it for inspiration. A PP asked me why I posted this and I responded that I read this (NY Times) last week. That certainly doesn't mean my situation is not real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey op. So how did you meet ?? How did you start going out?

I am 50's divorced male children raised and stable job and having no luck

We are physicians and were introduced through mutual friends at a conference. We hit it off immediately. He loves his wife and does not want to leave her, which is fine with me. I believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time.

I hope you don't give up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the column that OP seems to be using as inspiration:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/05/magazine/do-another-womans-marriage-vows-bind-me.html?rref=collection%2Fcolumn%2Fthe-ethicist&action=click&contentCollection=magazine®ion=stream&module=stream_unit&contentPlacement=4&pgtype=collection

I don't "seem to be" using it for inspiration, I AM using it for inspiration. A PP asked me why I posted this and I responded that I read this (NY Times) last week. That certainly doesn't mean my situation is not real.

Your friends think you are doing something wrong, all the people answering the question in that column think you are doing something ethically wrong (even if your man friend is doing something more wrong, you are also wrong), and 90% of the people responding to to this thread think you are wrong, so what exactly are you looking for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Human beings are not naturally monogamous. Society has deemed it necessary to be so. If every (most) married person had their choice, and they knew they wouldn't get a disease or face repercussions, they would probably all be having sex outside of their marriage!

If you feel morally shamed into ending your relationship with him, let it be known on this forum, as I'm younger than he is, but married, and I would love to be getting some on the side!

Hey, thanks for the laugh! But I won't be shamed into ending it. I've read the arguments against me, but I just don't think I'm doing anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Human beings are not naturally monogamous. Society has deemed it necessary to be so. If every (most) married person had their choice, and they knew they wouldn't get a disease or face repercussions, they would probably all be having sex outside of their marriage!

If you feel morally shamed into ending your relationship with him, let it be known on this forum, as I'm younger than he is, but married, and I would love to be getting some on the side!

Hey, thanks for the laugh! But I won't be shamed into ending it. I've read the arguments against me, but I just don't think I'm doing anything wrong.

The main person you are wronging is yourself in my opinion. You could be looking for a husband or a boyfriend to grow old with but will probably end up old and alone.