Am I wrong for having an affair with a married man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, what does being secretive involve?

OP here. Secretive means we don't go anywhere together in town. We only meet up in other cities or countries. My friends know I have a married man lover, but they don't know his name. I do this because he wants it and he does it because he doesn't want to hurt his wife's feelings and/or hurt his marriage. As I've already said, I respect that because I don't want to live with him or be married to him and because I believe it is entirely possible (and human) to love more than one person at a time.

Several posters have said I must be a sociopath and I believe they are correct.

and you think this is fine? Ever think you might need some therapy?

[Anonymous]

Yes it is wrong for you to have an affair with a married man.

You may not feel guilty - that just depends on your moral compass. Nobody can help you with that.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

I suggest you move to France where having affairs is considered socially acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

Yes, that is true. He can decide for himself. But I truly do not relate to the idea that "it's okay that he's lying to his wife, and lying to me about not lying to his wife." I mean, I don't think it's wrong to keep a relationship discreet, because some things truly are no one's (or at least not everyone's) business. But I do think it's wrong--very wrong--to deliberately deceive people who rely on your honesty. If I were screwing a married person, I would want to have no doubt that my AP was being honest about his marital arrangement.

Again, my husband's parents are still married (on paper) but live many miles away from each other and consider themselves definitely separated and apart. They do not care if the other person has a boy/girl friend (and one does). The lover does not call or come knocking on the door or involve him/herself in the life of the spouse at all--that's called being discrete and polite. But, again, all of this is done in within the context of full agreement and acknowledgement. I find this to be not at all shameful, indecent, or "bad" even though I did think it was unusual at first, and couldn't understand why his parents didn't just divorce -- but they have their reasons, and it's none of my business, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

Not the OP, but agreed. I have been the OW and I've been with a man who cheated on me with another W. I can't hold her responsible for his actions, nor am I responsible for anyone but myself.

Most of the self-righteous, judgemental women on here are just envious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

I suggest you move to France where having affairs is considered socially acceptable.

Well now that's mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

Not the OP, but agreed. I have been the OW and I've been with a man who cheated on me with another W. I can't hold her responsible for his actions, nor am I responsible for anyone but myself.

Most of the self-righteous, judgemental women on here are just envious.

Of?... being in your 40's, never been married and basically being a f*k buddy? No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

I suggest you move to France where having affairs is considered socially acceptable.

Well now that's mature.

I'm the PP who wrote about moving to France. That PP, and OP, clearly do not hold the same social norms as the US culture in terms of having affairs with married people. They are and will be judged by people they know. So, I suggested they move to France where it is socially accepted. Their culture seems to fit OP/PP much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

I suggest you move to France where having affairs is considered socially acceptable.

Well now that's mature.

I'm the PP who wrote about moving to France. That PP, and OP, clearly do not hold the same social norms as the US culture in terms of having affairs with married people. They are and will be judged by people they know. So, I suggested they move to France where it is socially accepted. Their culture seems to fit OP/PP much better.

We have a friendship. No one wonders why we hang out. You guys are judging, but I don't get that IRL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

I suggest you move to France where having affairs is considered socially acceptable.

Well now that's mature.

I'm the PP who wrote about moving to France. That PP, and OP, clearly do not hold the same social norms as the US culture in terms of having affairs with married people. They are and will be judged by people they know. So, I suggested they move to France where it is socially accepted. Their culture seems to fit OP/PP much better.

We have a friendship. No one wonders why we hang out. You guys are judging, but I don't get that IRL.

because they don't know what you are doing. If they did, they'd judge you, as we are here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself.

I suggest you move to France where having affairs is considered socially acceptable.

Well now that's mature.

I'm the PP who wrote about moving to France. That PP, and OP, clearly do not hold the same social norms as the US culture in terms of having affairs with married people. They are and will be judged by people they know. So, I suggested they move to France where it is socially accepted. Their culture seems to fit OP/PP much better.

We have a friendship. No one wonders why we hang out. You guys are judging, but I don't get that IRL.

because they don't know what you are doing. If they did, they'd judge you, as we are here.

I'll go ahead and sew red As on all of my shirts.

[Anonymous]

Of course you are wrong. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I'll go ahead and sew red As on all of my shirts.

Why bother? You don't tell people so no one knows. Or better, just stop and find your own man.

[Anonymous]

I'm not so sure affairs are as accepted in France as you think... Well, they're acknowledged, but still end in divorce