Reply to Am I wrong for having an affair with a married man?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a never-been-married 40 year old woman and I've been in an affair with a 55 year old married man for 3 years. I'm happy. I love him, he loves me, sex is great, non-sex time is great. I don't want anything to change. Several of my closest women friends have told me they think I am wrong for being involved with a married guy. I say, "I'm not the one who took the vows. I'm not deceiving anyone."  Should I re-think this?[/quote]

[b]Have you talked with his wife about it?  If not, then you are deceiving someone. [/quote][/b]

OP here.  I have not spoken with his wife and I don't feel it is my business to tell her.  If she came right out and asked me, and if I lied, then I would be deceiving her.  If her friends know and they don't tell her, then they are deceiving her.  But she is a stranger to me, so my silence is not deception. [/quote]

A lie by omission is the same to me as a lie by comission.  The fact that you haven't run into her doesn't excuse your behavior, which I find reprehensible.  While you may not have made vows to her, your AP did, and as others point out, you are aiding and abetting his theft of time and money that he is supposed to be investing in the marriage.

As a feminist, I completely respect your desire to not get married or have kids, but my question to you is, why do you seek to accomplish that goal in this duplicitous way?  What is it about you that you cannot acheive the same goal without using a married man?  Are you unable to discuss your lack of interest in marriage with partners?  Are you not strong enough to stick to your own priorities, so you choose someone who is uninterested?  Do you have self-esteem problems, so you tell yourself you don't want a relationship with an available man so that you are not crushed if you can't find one?

Honestly, there are many single men out there who don't want marriage.  I find it odd that you can't just have the kind of relationship you want with a guy who is not a liar and a cheat.  That you can't tells me a lot about your level of self-esteem.[/quote]

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