SAHMs - what made you decide to SAH? Question from new SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Why? Because I taught at schools where the top performing kids had stay at home moms? You may not like it, but it's what I observed in MY EXPERIENCE. I don't know if it holds water across the board; but I saw it, it made an impression, and it affected my choice in how I want to raise my kids. "

Idiotic.

I'm another teacher, and I saw the same thing. OF course, the kids I was teaching were not typical of the high income DCUM population. I'm sure YOUR childcare situations are staffed with higly qualified teachers, and have low student-teacher rations, etc. But there are unfortunately a LOT of less highly qualified caregivers out there.

Obviously never learned about the scientic method. Where do there "teachers" come from?

Well, I wasn't doing a scientific study. I was just noticing the behavior of kids in my own classroom, and the behavior of children of kids I know around town. However, even the studies others are posting do seem to indicate that HIGH QUALITY childcare is the kay. The kids I taught were not in HIGH QUALITY daycare or home with HIGH QUALITY nannies.

...and from that experience you drew conclusions that have no support beyond your own classroom.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

[Anonymous]

Seriously? My husband and I are both teachers in Mo Co. My daughter is in private school, my son attends preschool PT M-F (that's costs as much as my daughter's tuition), and we have a nanny (PT in the morning). I also only work PT.

I am completely happy with our childcare.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I didn't want to feel like this:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/136344.page

and this

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/136113.page

Also, we realized my salary as a teacher wouldn't pay for the type of child care we thought was appropriate for our kids. So I stayed home with them. I do appreciate never having to feel really overwhelemed, and never having to decide between job responsibilities versus what my child needed. Now that I'm going back to work it has been pretty rough at time, having to sometimes put the job ahead of the kid, but it's getting easier, and the kids are older now, of course, and I feel they can handle it more.

I didn't appreciate my career and earing potential taking the hit that it did, but of course that is no surprise and we knew that would happen.

[Anonymous]

OP here. OMG. Is it completely impossible to have a thread mentioning SAHMs not turn into a SAHM v WOHM fight? Does it really benefit any of us to trash each other's choices?

I was looking for a bit of help from SAHMs, and I really appreciate those who chimed in.

Can we please, please drop the SAHM v WOHM debate? I think both groups have their benefits and challenges, and we each make the choice that makes the most sense for us and our families. There are always tradeoffs.

[Anonymous]

OP again. This whole thread makes me incredibly sad. I'm sorry I started this post at all. It makes me really sad that I've just started out as a SAHM and I feel like I'm never going to be able to ask for help or advice here without it turning ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. This whole thread makes me incredibly sad. I'm sorry I started this post at all. It makes me really sad that I've just started out as a SAHM and I feel like I'm never going to be able to ask for help or advice here without it turning ugly.

Don't be sad - it's really just a few posters. In real life 99% of us don't give a crap whether or not someone works or stays home.

I can tell you, many threads do get nasty but we can go for weeks discussing SAHM and WM issues and have no bad threads. Been reading this board for years and that's true. If you don't believe, go through the last week of posts. There were plenty of threads that didn't turn nasty. In this case, the former teacher said something really stupid. Sorry, no way around it - she was clearly looking for a fight. Anytime you use an absolute like all or most kids of WMs don't do well in school, you're gonna piss people off, even if you add the caveat "in my experience."

I'm sure now that you are staying home you will connect with many other moms and can have some of these discussions in person. Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

I stay home because I enjoy being at home with my children more than I enjoyed my career, and because we can afford it. I like having lots of time, I like not being hurried or stressed, I like being able to plan my own schedule and pursue my own interests, and it works better for our family to have one parent at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously? My husband and I are both teachers in Mo Co. My daughter is in private school, my son attends preschool PT M-F (that's costs as much as my daughter's tuition), and we have a nanny (PT in the morning). I also only work PT.

I am completely happy with our childcare.

Wow, I am amazed that you are able to afford private school tuition for two kids PLUS a PT nanny, on the salary of one full time teacher and one part-time teacher!

Good for you, but I don't think I could have made that work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Why? Because I taught at schools where the top performing kids had stay at home moms? You may not like it, but it's what I observed in MY EXPERIENCE. I don't know if it holds water across the board; but I saw it, it made an impression, and it affected my choice in how I want to raise my kids. "

Idiotic.

I'm another teacher, and I saw the same thing. OF course, the kids I was teaching were not typical of the high income DCUM population. I'm sure YOUR childcare situations are staffed with higly qualified teachers, and have low student-teacher rations, etc. But there are unfortunately a LOT of less highly qualified caregivers out there.

Obviously never learned about the scientic method. Where do there "teachers" come from?

Well, I wasn't doing a scientific study. I was just noticing the behavior of kids in my own classroom, and the behavior of children of kids I know around town. However, even the studies others are posting do seem to indicate that HIGH QUALITY childcare is the kay. The kids I taught were not in HIGH QUALITY daycare or home with HIGH QUALITY nannies.

...and from that experience you drew conclusions that have no support beyond your own classroom.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

What part of "I observed these things in my own life, and decided what I wanted for my own kids" do you not understand?

I observed 20 different daycares and preschools (ranging from low-income, medium income, and high income families), I taught in three different elementary schools (with students from middle income families), and I was the last of my peer group to have children. I saw the life other people (in my similar income bracket) had and the choices they were making, and I observed how it was working, or not, for them.

All those experiences, combined with experiences I had had, growing up, in my own personal family, and experiences my husband had, growing up in his personal family, helped inform the decision that we, jointly, as a couple, made about how we chose to raise our kids during the early years.

In my life, I find I often make decisions based on personal observations and intuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Why? Because I taught at schools where the top performing kids had stay at home moms? You may not like it, but it's what I observed in MY EXPERIENCE. I don't know if it holds water across the board; but I saw it, it made an impression, and it affected my choice in how I want to raise my kids. "

Idiotic.

I'm another teacher, and I saw the same thing. OF course, the kids I was teaching were not typical of the high income DCUM population. I'm sure YOUR childcare situations are staffed with higly qualified teachers, and have low student-teacher rations, etc. But there are unfortunately a LOT of less highly qualified caregivers out there.

Obviously never learned about the scientic method. Where do there "teachers" come from?

Well, I wasn't doing a scientific study. I was just noticing the behavior of kids in my own classroom, and the behavior of children of kids I know around town. However, even the studies others are posting do seem to indicate that HIGH QUALITY childcare is the kay. The kids I taught were not in HIGH QUALITY daycare or home with HIGH QUALITY nannies.

...and from that experience you drew conclusions that have no support beyond your own classroom.

The plural of anecdote is not data.

What part of "I observed these things in my own life, and decided what I wanted for my own kids" do you not understand?

I observed 20 different daycares and preschools (ranging from low-income, medium income, and high income families), I taught in three different elementary schools (with students from middle income families), and I was the last of my peer group to have children. I saw the life other people (in my similar income bracket) had and the choices they were making, and I observed how it was working, or not, for them.

All those experiences, combined with experiences I had had, growing up, in my own personal family, and experiences my husband had, growing up in his personal family, helped inform the decision that we, jointly, as a couple, made about how we chose to raise our kids during the early years.

In my life, I find I often make decisions based on personal observations and intuition.

Good lord lady, we get it. WM = bad, even WM of school age children who are away from the home 35 hours a week anyway = bad.

I mean this sincerely, I'm glad it has worked out for you to stay home, it sounds like it was the right choice for your family. But enough already. I'm sure you're "just being honest" about your decision to stay home, but it's unnecessary at this point. You aren't going to convert anyone. Most women work when their kids are young, and even more work when they are school aged. So that ship has sailed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Good lord lady, we get it. WM = bad, even WM of school age children who are away from the home 35 hours a week anyway = bad.

I mean this sincerely, I'm glad it has worked out for you to stay home, it sounds like it was the right choice for your family. But enough already. I'm sure you're "just being honest" about your decision to stay home, but it's unnecessary at this point. You aren't going to convert anyone. Most women work when their kids are young, and even more work when they are school aged. So that ship has sailed.

No, you don't get it. I never said that WM=bad, I certainly don't believe that -- and nothing at all that I have said has anything to do with people whose kid are school-aged.

[Anonymous]

1) To the pseudo-feminist lady...be quiet. Men and women are different- deal with. Did DH give birth? No, he didn't. Should I stab him in the penis with each contraction so we can be "equal", or should I accept that people have different roles?

2) Why are you all ganging up on the teachers? What part of "personal experience" do you not understand? Do you make all of your choices based on scientific data? Or do your personal experiences weigh into your decisions and opinions? I know you are trying to sound intelligent, but you sound stupid because you can't grasp that simple concept.

[Anonymous]

Stayed home because of 2 reasons, moved to a new area and wanted to job transition to something new- couldn't find something new that would pay me substantially to cover day care, etc. Past job I was burned out.

Second, ended up adopting 2 kids and having missed out the first year in their life, I wanted to embrace them and be with them as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Love being home (2 toddlers) but I make sure I get time for "me" and with hubby. We do date night at least 3 times a month, we try for every week. Once a week, I either go out with a friend or volunteer somewhere. I haven't been working out but found a place with daycare and will go now. Since my husband travels I have someone come to my house everynow and then to help out/babysit couple hours. Keeps me sane and less aggravated with the house menousha. It's wonderful, needed, worth it but can be overwhelming at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) To the pseudo-feminist lady...be quiet. Men and women are different- deal with. Did DH give birth? No, he didn't. Should I stab him in the penis with each contraction so we can be "equal", or should I accept that people have different roles?

2) Why are you all ganging up on the teachers? What part of "personal experience" do you not understand? Do you make all of your choices based on scientific data? Or do your personal experiences weigh into your decisions and opinions? I know you are trying to sound intelligent, but you sound stupid because you can't grasp that simple concept.

Love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) To the pseudo-feminist lady...be quiet. Men and women are different- deal with. Did DH give birth? No, he didn't. Should I stab him in the penis with each contraction so we can be "equal", or should I accept that people have different roles?

2) Why are you all ganging up on the teachers? What part of "personal experience" do you not understand? Do you make all of your choices based on scientific data? Or do your personal experiences weigh into your decisions and opinions? I know you are trying to sound intelligent, but you sound stupid because you can't grasp that simple concept.

It's not the "personal experience" part that bothered people. Reread the posts. You mean to tell me that if I said "in my personal experience, the SAHMS I know were all not talented enough to make it in the workforce, and couldn't wait to have kids so they could quit" and that the kids of SAHMs "are clingy and aren't able to socialize as well" you wouldn't comment? Please. There are ways to talk about your "personal experience" without being nasty and having an agenda. And several posters chimed in, not just a few, so clearly what these two said (I still think it's the same person) offended people.

I really don't care if someone stays home or not. I have done both. But to generalize and imply your kids will do better, be more successful, that is going to get people riled up. And it's simple not based in fact.