SAHMs - what made you decide to SAH? Question from new SAHM

[Anonymous]

My hats are off to every SAHMs. I couldn't do what you do everyday. Work is easy compared to staying home and taking care of little ones. Before I had kids, I always thought I would like to SAH. But then I had one of those and realized how much I needed to go back to work. I am blessed that their grandparents have agreed to watch them full time. I work without having to worry about them because I know their grandparents are taking very good care of them - better than I would (being as sleep deprived as I am lately)....

[Anonymous]

Okay, great, DCUM comes through again. How is it that you are telling me that I wanted to dig at working parents, but that I'm not moving this discussion forward? First of all, the OP asked about SAHM experiences so I'm not even sure why working parents are on this board. Are you trying to irritate yourselves? People that want to stay at home with their children will most likely think differently than people that choose not to stay at home. There is nothing wrong with people working. Nothing. Plenty of people have to work and plenty of people choose adult company over the company of children. I get it. I also like adult company and have tons of friends, working friends, stay-at-home friends, friends who work part-time...
I simply wanted to express to the OP (not to the rest of DCUM with huge chips on their shoulders) that if she enjoys being with her child more than working than being an SAHM will most likely be fulfilling. Perhaps not right away, and definitely not every moment of the day, indeed.
And to the PP, I had worked in an office for a long time and I had worked in an office where I really liked my co-workers and yes, they were my friends, so you are right; they are not all strangers. However, I would still prefer to spend my days with my kids rather than my friend co-workers.
I don't plan on staying at home forever either. I will start part-time work in about a month because I think it is important to have career that you enjoy, but not at the expense of your family. In my case, I feel that it would be at the expense of my family. I would miss out on so many things that I would regret. Kids grow up fast and this time when they are so small and innocent is so short. I want to be there to witness it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I decided to be a stay at home mom for pretty much all the reasons everyone else gave, but what sealed the deal for me was that as an elementary school teacher I noticed that pretty much all of my really "top" kids had stay at home moms. I know many working moms are going to slam me for saying that. Of course there are well-behaved, high achieving students who also have full-time working moms. But based on what I saw from teaching for 10 years at three different schools the "better" students seemed to disproportionately come from families with involved stay at home moms.

A nice anecdote, but the studies don't support this.

That's because the people who do the studies are WOH people, many with kids, so there's a strong possibility of bias. The scales used to measure behavior and outcomes can be very subjective, and if those doing the ratings are working parents, they may err on the side of caution with calling a kid with working parents anti-social or whatever it is they are measuring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM teachers/former teachers really suck.

True!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just like a previous poster, I just wanted to say that the MAIN reason I am a SAHM is that I love being with my kids. It can be grueling to be with 2 toddlers all the time, but I would still rather spend my time with them than with a bunch of strangers in an office. Working in an office has never been exciting to me no matter how "challenging" or exciting the work. I honestly don't understand why someone would choose work over spending time with their children BUT having said that I respect that staying at home is not for everyone.

This kind of poster is probably the same that gives sermons in other threads on how kids need 18 hours of sleep per day, if you don't put your baby to sleep at 6 pm he will be a total failure, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, great, DCUM comes through again. How is it that you are telling me that I wanted to dig at working parents, but that I'm not moving this discussion forward? First of all, the OP asked about SAHM experiences so I'm not even sure why working parents are on this board. Are you trying to irritate yourselves? People that want to stay at home with their children will most likely think differently than people that choose not to stay at home. There is nothing wrong with people working. Nothing. Plenty of people have to work and plenty of people choose adult company over the company of children. I get it. I also like adult company and have tons of friends, working friends, stay-at-home friends, friends who work part-time...
I simply wanted to express to the OP (not to the rest of DCUM with huge chips on their shoulders) that if she enjoys being with her child more than working than being an SAHM will most likely be fulfilling. Perhaps not right away, and definitely not every moment of the day, indeed.
And to the PP, I had worked in an office for a long time and I had worked in an office where I really liked my co-workers and yes, they were my friends, so you are right; they are not all strangers. However, I would still prefer to spend my days with my kids rather than my friend co-workers.
I don't plan on staying at home forever either. I will start part-time work in about a month because I think it is important to have career that you enjoy, but not at the expense of your family. In my case, I feel that it would be at the expense of my family. I would miss out on so many things that I would regret. Kids grow up fast and this time when they are so small and innocent is so short. I want to be there to witness it.

Well said. The OP wants to know reasons that SAH moms chose to SAH. It's very likely if you're a working mom looking at this you're going to read something that you don't like. What do you expect? I'm one of the former teachers whose experiences teaching led me to believe my kids would benefit more from having me at home. Somebody's response to that was "idiot" WTF? Those were MY EXPERIENCES that led me to make this choice. Had I seen that the children of the working moms were doing better I may have chosen that instead. I've lurked at websites geared for working moms and come across the "I don't want to stay at home because it would set a bad example for my daughter line." Yes, I inwardly seethe, but I accept that if I'm going to poke around on a website geared for people with a different outlook than me, I'm going to see something that chaps me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I decided to be a stay at home mom for pretty much all the reasons everyone else gave, but what sealed the deal for me was that as an elementary school teacher I noticed that pretty much all of my really "top" kids had stay at home moms. I know many working moms are going to slam me for saying that. Of course there are well-behaved, high achieving students who also have full-time working moms. But based on what I saw from teaching for 10 years at three different schools the "better" students seemed to disproportionately come from families with involved stay at home moms.

A nice anecdote, but the studies don't support this.

That's because the people who do the studies are WOH people, many with kids, so there's a strong possibility of bias. The scales used to measure behavior and outcomes can be very subjective, and if those doing the ratings are working parents, they may err on the side of caution with calling a kid with working parents anti-social or whatever it is they are measuring.

BS. A lot of them are men and many aren't moms yet. Please. What a weak argument. And there are ways to control for bias, which the well-controlled studies do. Either way, even if we are just going on anecdote, plenty of us grew up with two working parents and know it's possible to do well in school. And if you stay home when the kids are young and while they are in school, that means many moms would be out of the workforce for 15 years or more (if they have more than one child). Think of the implications, economic and social. It would not be sustainable or desired. To imply that it is the ideal is not facing reality. Good parenting is good parenting, whether you work or stay at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, great, DCUM comes through again. How is it that you are telling me that I wanted to dig at working parents, but that I'm not moving this discussion forward? First of all, the OP asked about SAHM experiences so I'm not even sure why working parents are on this board. Are you trying to irritate yourselves? People that want to stay at home with their children will most likely think differently than people that choose not to stay at home. There is nothing wrong with people working. Nothing. Plenty of people have to work and plenty of people choose adult company over the company of children. I get it. I also like adult company and have tons of friends, working friends, stay-at-home friends, friends who work part-time...
I simply wanted to express to the OP (not to the rest of DCUM with huge chips on their shoulders) that if she enjoys being with her child more than working than being an SAHM will most likely be fulfilling. Perhaps not right away, and definitely not every moment of the day, indeed.
And to the PP, I had worked in an office for a long time and I had worked in an office where I really liked my co-workers and yes, they were my friends, so you are right; they are not all strangers. However, I would still prefer to spend my days with my kids rather than my friend co-workers.
I don't plan on staying at home forever either. I will start part-time work in about a month because I think it is important to have career that you enjoy, but not at the expense of your family. In my case, I feel that it would be at the expense of my family. I would miss out on so many things that I would regret. Kids grow up fast and this time when they are so small and innocent is so short. I want to be there to witness it.

WMs chimed in because some nasty things were said. Same things happen when the title is "working moms." People threw out some silly anecdotes about kids of SAHMs doing better in school, which were unfounded outside of anecdotes. So yeah, WMs will weigh in.

[Anonymous]

15:32

"First of all, the OP asked about SAHM experiences so I'm not even sure why working parents are on this board. "

Very simple - because not all working moms always worked. You yourself are considering PT work. Under your own comment, I'm not sure why you're on "this board" [I presume you meant "thread."]

Do you really think there's a SAH mindset and a WOH mindset, and that people don't go in and out of the workforce during the time they are 25 to 65?

[Anonymous]

16:01, why did you make your decision to WOH or SAH based on a few years' experience in one classroom in, I presume, 1 demographic area? Why don't you describe some of the other reasons you chose to SAH?

[Anonymous]

Well the other reasons are the typical reasons that so many others have stated. Mainly that I wanted to be the primary caregiver not someone else. Yes, I probably would have stayed home regardless, but my experiences in the classroom were a real eye-opener.

[Anonymous]

So, in summary, if you are a SAHM and someone asks you why you chose to SAH, there is no acceptable answer. you just suck, your logic is flawed, and your thoughts are stupid.

mmmkay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, in summary, if you are a SAHM and someone asks you why you chose to SAH, there is no acceptable answer. you just suck, your logic is flawed, and your thoughts are stupid.

mmmkay

LOL exactly. Certain WMs start saber rattling as soon as they see the words SAHM in the subject line. We all know why. Lets feel sorry for them and move on.

[Anonymous]

So, in summary, if you are a SAHM and someone asks you why you chose to SAH, there is no acceptable answer. you just suck, your logic is flawed, and your thoughts are stupid.

mmmkay


LOL exactly. Certain WMs start saber rattling as soon as they see the words SAHM in the subject line. We all know why. Lets feel sorry for them and move on.

We could always just claim that we are uneducated and not capable of making more than the cost of daycare. I think that might win their approval. Heaven knows we can't admit that we think our kids might actually be better of being cared for by us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me, it is my own experience as a child that made me want to be a SAHM. My parents were never home when I was growing up, they were too busy with their careers and I was basically raised by a full-time nanny who lived with us. Although the nanny was very nice, I very much missed my parents and I was very hurt that they did not make any efforts to spend more time to me. As a kid, you don't understand what it means to have a job and/or to have to support a family, all you see is that your parents are not there for you. I went through tough times where I thought my parents did not love me at all. Early on, I knew that if I had kids myself, I would not make the mistake my parents made and I would be there for my kids and be a SAHM.

Early on, you narrowed down potential DHs to select the one with the big salary that would allow you to SAH. Stop the BS, it all comes down to that.

This response is just ridiculous. Outside of DC everyoneisovereducated fairyland, PLENTY of people SAH while their spouses work "normal" jobs. All sorts of people make it work. And I am not the poster you quoted, but I started dating my husband while in high school, and we both knew then we wanted a parent(s) to be the primary caregiver if/when we got married and had kids. Did I know when he was 18 what type of job or income he would have (or I would have)? No, that's not why I picked him, and I am guessing the same is true for PP.