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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
SAHMs - what made you decide to SAH? Question from new SAHM
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Anonymous
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"Why? Because I taught at schools where the top performing kids had stay at home moms? You may not like it, but it's what I observed in MY EXPERIENCE. I don't know if it holds water across the board; but I saw it, it made an impression, and it affected my choice in how I want to raise my kids. "
Idiotic. |
Anonymous
You have to see for yourself what works. I personally love being a WM (also have some flexibility, though not a ton, and can leave at 5:30, don't work evenings and weekends, etc.) and DH's flexibility and close commute, coupled with daycare we love, makes it work. But it really depends on you. I personally think it sounds exhausting to go in for 5 hours, re-commute (even if you have a decent commute) and work again at home but you could try it. Maybe just while you are nursing exclusively? I think a better schedule would be working two days from home. Seems like a lot of wasted time and energy in the transition! In terms of being unrealistic being a WM? Most moms are, so it is possible! The hardest part for me was before I went back, just dreading daycare and having to juggle it all, but if you are happy with your childcare situation you can get into a routine that works. It does get easier when they have more consistent sleep schedules and when they are older and you can really tell how much they love nanny/daycare/preschool etc. But clearly, based on this thread, some moms prefer staying home, so that may be you too. I would think, with your flexibility and salary, you'd at least want to give going back to work a try. |
Anonymous
Did your study control for the difference between, say, having a highly qualified nanny versus sending your child to a low-cost daycare center? Personally (as a teacher-- but not the PP you arre quoting) I knew the only care I could afford would have been a low-cost daycare center, or a poorly qualified nanny. That's why I decided to stay home instead. |
Anonymous
I'm another teacher, and I saw the same thing. OF course, the kids I was teaching were not typical of the high income DCUM population. I'm sure YOUR childcare situations are staffed with higly qualified teachers, and have low student-teacher rations, etc. But there are unfortunately a LOT of less highly qualified caregivers out there. |
Anonymous
| PP thanks so much for that thoughtful reply. I am dreading going back, but you're right, I won't know til I try! |
Anonymous
Not the PP you quoted, but here have been numerous studies that conclude high quality daycare /childcare is important (not exactly rocket science but these studies are important for making the case for better policies for working families). This is probably where the income level comes in - women with higher HHI incomes can afford quality childcare usually. I think most moms in your shoes would do the same thing and do whatever it takes not to leave your child in subpar care. FWIW there was a Washington Post article a few months ago, discussed here on DCUM, that summarized a study that said many moms stay home because they can't afford either to pay for any daycare or high quality daycare. |
Anonymous
Obviously never learned about the scientic method. Where do there "teachers" come from? |
Anonymous
I think the working moms and dads who are the happiest/least overwhelemed tend to have the following 4 things in common: 1) they earn enough to be able to outsource some household tasks (housekeeping, laundry, etc.) 2) they have short commutes and/or flexible jobs 3) at least one of them has a flexible job schedule 4) they have excellent child care situation The fewer of those things you have, the more likely you are to see staying at home as a desireable option. Good luck, OP! |
Anonymous
Well, I wasn't doing a scientific study. I was just noticing the behavior of kids in my own classroom, and the behavior of children of kids I know around town. However, even the studies others are posting do seem to indicate that HIGH QUALITY childcare is the kay. The kids I taught were not in HIGH QUALITY daycare or home with HIGH QUALITY nannies. |
Anonymous
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And, PP again, and former teacher:
The other anecdotal evidence that informed by decision to stay home was my experience in gradulate school, as a research assistant to a professor who was studying early literacy experiences of children in preschools and daycares. My role in this study was to visit 20 different preschools and daycare centers and record literacy experiences (about 4 hours each visit, multiple visits per center) and characterize different types of "literacy interactions (teacher to whole group, teacher to small group, teacher to single child, child to teacher, child to child, etc.) This experience, when I was only about 23 years old, got me into a wide variety of different preschools, daycare centers, and head start programs. It also informed my decision NOT to send my child to one of those programs, as I only say one out of the 20 centers that seemed like a place I would be happy to send my own child. Again, I understand that this is not a sicentific experiment, but I happen to think that it was enough information for me, personally, to make a decision. |
Anonymous
| and "gradulate" shoudl be "graduate" --typo. |
Anonymous
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Commenting on 12:00's post, I am a happy full time WOHM, and have been for 11 years.
"1) they earn enough to be able to outsource some household tasks (housekeeping, laundry, etc.) - YES 2) they have short commutes and/or flexible jobs Yes to short commute 3) at least one of them has a flexible job schedule NO 4) they have excellent child care situation YES Interesting - three out of four applied/applies to us, and we're happy both working full time. Didn't include another very important factor - does each parent enjoy his or her job, most of the time? |
Anonymous
Honestly, I can't remember. I think I had data on whether the child went to a large daycare, in-home daycare, or nanny. Probably not quality of the care. But as someone else noted, household income would probably be a pretty decent proxy for the type of daycare the child is in and may in fact account for household income showing a statistically significant correlation to educational outcomes. But as all of us stats geeks know, correlation is not causation. Can't believe I just typed that on DCUM. |
Anonymous
I'm 12:00 -- do you and your spouse have the ability to stagger your days (one goes in early, one goes in late? If a kid is sick, can you easily take off/do some work at home? Those are also a part of a flexible job situation, I think. |
Anonymous
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1) they earn enough to be able to outsource some household tasks (housekeeping, laundry, etc.)
2) they have short commutes and/or flexible jobs 3) at least one of them has a flexible job schedule 4) they have excellent child care situation The fewer of those things you have, the more likely you are to see staying at home as a desireable option. Good luck, OP! I am not at all disagreeing with you, I just wanted to say that I am now a SAHM and when I worked I had all of the above. We were also easily able to afford high quality childcare. I still decided to SAH because I wanted to care for my children myself. I love doing it! I really wanted to be the one to care for them; I don't care how "quality" another caregiver was, they weren't me. I didn't want to miss out on taking them places and being their primary caregiver. I only get to do this for a small window of my life and I really wanted to be the one to do it. Our kids do have other caregivers (babysitters, family members who help, and preschool) but I wanted to be their primary caregiver. I liked my job, but I like caring for my children better. |