Need to vent - just TOTALLY OVERWHELMED

[Anonymous]

I just need somewhere anonymous but full of others in my position. I'm just... tired of treading water. I'm tired of my head constantly bobbing just barely above the surface. I work 15 hour days every day. Don't get me wrong, I have an incredibly loving and supportive DH, but still. I wake up at 6:00 with the baby (as does DH) and we're gogogo until we're out the door at 7:45. That's DH's playtime with the baby, mostly because I take longer to get ready, but I spend some time with DS playing too. I'm at work by 8:15 and I'm gogogo until I leave at 4:15 to pick up the baby from daycare. Then I'm commuting. Then I'm home and getting in my playtime, then it's dinner for DS, bath, and bed time. DS is teething so bedtime has been taking an hour lately rather than its normal 30 minutes... I think THAT is what is putting me over. Rocking, nursing, bouncing, then DH walking and bouncing, then rinse and repeat. Then cook dinner and clean up the house, make lunches for the next day and get things ready to leave tomorrow. Then work another hour on work related tasks because I can almost never get it all done (even though I work pretty hard). Also walk, play with and feed the dog and cat. Also spend "meaningful" time with DH. Also keep life related tasks going. Pay bills, return emails, write thank you cards, make lists lists lists (grocery lists, errands lists, daycare lists). I'm lucky if I get to bed at midnight. DH works on the weekends (its in his line of work) so weekends are me being a single mom and trying to have some fun with DS but also get tasks done.

I SERIOUSLY CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE. PANTPANTPANT. I feel like downing a bottle of whiskey and smoking a pack of cigarettes. Because that will be really great for 6:00 am wake up.

Sorry, I'm not looking for answers. I just needed to get that out. Thank you. Gack.

[Anonymous]

It sounds crazy. Sorry! Is there any way for you to cut back to 30 hours at work and you can reclaim either a full day at home or 2 hours/weekday for yourself?

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat, OP. My DH's schedule is also unpredictable since he's a medical resident. I am also a full-time working mom.

What worked for me? I got a cleaning lady, she comes twice a week, cleans up our TH, does our laundry. I come home to a clean house, nicely folded laundry, and all I have to do is put dinner in the oven to warm up. Also, I got hooked on Let's Dish! and other pre-cooked meals, saves me a tone of time.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing your LO is small (maybe less than a year). Mine is 14 months and my post would be identical to yours through the sentence: "Then cook dinner and clean up the house, make lunches for the next day and get things ready to leave tomorrow." After that my post would say: Dish food for cat, change her water, toss in a load of laundry (or move load from last night into dryer), and try to unwind on DCUM.

Everyone says it gets better in a few years. That's what I'm living for.

Also, when I first went back to work I busted my chops to keep apt together, folded baby's laundry into perfect little piles, cooked next day's dinner, and went to bed routinely at midnight. I got FOUR colds in July. I think I had two colds at one time. I modified my expectations for my home and begin my unwind by 9:30 and get into bed by 10:00. So for better or for worse, we're buying more ready-made meals; my LO's clothes are clean but all tossed into one drawer; my clothes are clean but (except for work clothes) tossed into two drawers (tops and bottoms); and bed linens are not clean. Sorry to be gross, but better than feeling like serious death warmed over.

GL and live for that "getting better" part in a few years!!!

[Anonymous]

I know you are not looking for answers, good thing because I don't have any! I will say that you are doing one (probably more than one) thing that is GREAT for your baby! You are only leaving your baby for what seems like 8 hours. MANY families in you position keep their kids at daycare for more than 10 hours a day. I hope things will get better for you!

[Anonymous]

Virtual hug! I used to be in your shoes.

My advice is, there must be something you can let go of. A little less cleaning? Simpler meals? I know it is hard to push the easy button if you are on a budget, but really, the most important thing keeping you sane in the long run is sleep! So if you let some things slide but prioritize sleep, you will be happier.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the kind words; they truly are so calming.

Just to respond to some things, we can't afford a cleaning lady (I get one every now and again when those deals come up on Living Social/Groupon), we cook unbelievably simply meals (gosh I miss my pre-baby cuisine sometimes), and yeah, I'd be willing to let the house go a bit, but then it gets WAY out of control. We have TWO pets and since DS is crawling, we really have to keep on top of the fur and clutter so that he doesn't get into icky things, you know? I feel like when he's walking, we won't be QUITE so diligent about the floors but for now, I kind of freak if he's covered in fur you know?

I know things will get better, I just don't see how everyone does this?!?! I sometimes feel like I'm falling off a cliff you know? Thanks again to all.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. Also, to those who are in the same boat. THANK YOU. I need to know that I'm not alone or crazy and missing some obvious "wow, you did it the HARD way the whole time? Geez.." kind of thing. I know rationally that this is what having a baby means, but damn. You know?

[Anonymous]

You can do it, OP!! Keep at it and enjoy the small things.

[Anonymous]

I work 50hrs a week--a lot of them from home but that means I get no break. In order to function (if that is what you call it) I have to not worry about making meals (except the ones for DD); I do DD laundry once a week and never worry about mine....except when it can no longer be ignored. Cleaning happens in spurts. Returning emails happens during work. Return phone calls happens while I walk to get lunch or drive to do an errand. I make sure that no matter what i get quality time with my dd, dh and friends on the weekend. He prefers to run errands and get the house in order and I would much rather have a picnic in the car. He prefers to sleep longer. I prefer to get me time on the computer. Somehow in the chaos, we make it work.

[Anonymous]

Try every other night for baths. And banish thank you cards from your life, at least until your kid is a little older. Can you take turns getting up at 6:00 with the baby? It seems like you both don't need to be up for almost 2 hours before you leave for work. At least then you can each get some more sleep.

And lose the pets. Just kidding. Sort of.

[Anonymous]

it totally gets better - i felt that way when dd was crawling and non-verbal and somehow, magically, once she could talk and tell me what she actually wanted and once she could walk reliably, i felt much, much better and everything seemed to calm down...
good luck!

[Anonymous]

So, if DH works weekends, does he have days off during the week that he could use to talk care of some of the mundane tasks (grocery shopping, laundry, swiffering pet hair) to lighten your load when you are home alone with baby?

Also, right there with you that it can seem overwhelming and never ending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you are not looking for answers, good thing because I don't have any! I will say that you are doing one (probably more than one) thing that is GREAT for your baby! You are only leaving your baby for what seems like 8 hours. MANY families in you position keep their kids at daycare for more than 10 hours a day. I hope things will get better for you!

You know, I think this was meant well, but it is such a backhanded compliment and an insult to parents that have good care for their children but the kids are in care for a longer day. The implication is that daycare is something to be endured for the minimum amount of time possible. If I arrive to pick up my 2 year old before or right at 4:30, she is generally in the middle of something interesting and annoyed at being picked up too soon. Also, I think children left in daycare more than 10 hours is a rarity. Maybe it is prevalent in the burbs because parents have miserable commutes and prefer their children to be in the calm of daycare over stuck in traffic, but in my experience with urban daycare 10 hours is a rare occurrence.

[Anonymous]

Don't lose the pets. Just stop worrying about the fur so much. There was a study out a couple of years ago that concluded that kids that are raised with multiple pets have fewer allergies than kids that have none.