Parenting and working when you are exhausted or sick

[Anonymous]

I just returned to work this week; my baby is 3 months. I feel like I have so little to give at the end of the day, though I love my daughter so much it hurts.

And work, well, someday I hope to have my act together. Right now, I feel like I am operating on 2 cylinders. Have the world's most supportive husband, though.

How do you do it?

[Anonymous]

It's hard for everyone, and even harder for some, I'm afraid. My health suffers when I don't get enough sleep, so I've been facing odd health issues for almost 3 years now. The best thing for me is to make sure I really cut out sugar and to get regular exercise. That seems to keep me at my "fighting strength." And I used to never be a planner. I'm the queen of planning and schedules right now, because it's what gets us all through the day in the best frame of mind.

Hang in there. Those first few weeks of returning to work are the absolute hardest, and it does definitely get easier.

[Anonymous]

Give it time, OP. It gets better. It's never easy but the first weeks back to work with a 3-month-old at home are among the very hardest, physically, emotionally, and logistically. Give yourself permission to let things like laundry, cooking, and errands slip for a bit and focus your energy on being with your baby when you can, getting as much rest as you can, and easing back into a routine at work. Easy for me to say, I know. But just take one day at a time. It will get easier.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the kind and encouraging words and good concrete suggestions. Interesting point about sugar--it never does me any favors, but I hadn't thought of that. I will try to watch my sugar intake, though I don't eat that much. As for exercise, I am still struggling to fit that in. (I used to be a gym rat). But I am also not putting a ton of pressure on myself, as my focus is to make sure the baby is clean, well fed, and happy.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this post a few months ago!

My motto: One day at a time!

It was *really* hard for me when I went back to work...I felt like I was spread so thin I could only give 25% to anything that wasn't directly related to DS. This was really hard for me because I am used to giving 110% to everything! But, it has gotten alot better.

I was so frustrated and worn out that I seriously considered medicating...I did have to quit breastfeeding because of the negative emotions associated with pumping, and I have had to let go of alot of "friendships", which were really superficial in hindsight.

I too have a wonderful DH and I try to be a good wife...its hard. But, I make alot of little efforts, like saying please and thankyou and a 5 min back rub every night...don't ake adnantge of him! He's the best resource you have!

The best advice I got was to be as organized as possible the night before...and to surround myself with positive hardworking people (which for me includes alot of awesome SAHM's who are a great resource).

[Anonymous]

I agree with the posters above (I have three kids, and work full time). You will quickly realize who your true supportive friends are. It is so hard those first few months -- I think the whole first year is like boot camp. You will survive, and you will be stronger for it.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP - first of all, hugs to you. I worked FT for DD's first year, but am now working PT from home. I know how you feel! I second some exercise (even just brisk walks in your neighborhood), laying off caffeine in the PM, and - it may sound stupid - buying really nice sheets. We splurged on high thread count sheets after several sleepless nights for me, and it made a HUGE difference. Also, have a routine for yourself: even if there's no time for a bath, what about a mask, a small glass of wine, and a few pages of your fave book? Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Hang in there, OP! As others have said, it's so hard but it does get better! The first year back at work was the worst for me -- I was exhausted all the time (DS was a crappy sleeper on top of everything else) and caught every nasty daycare germ DS brought home. What helped me most was really prioritizing sleep. There were many nights that I put DS down at 7pm and was in bed half an hour later, when it was still light outside! Sometimes I'd read for a few minutes, but mostly I'd just go right to sleep. It meant cutting out other things, and rethinking my evenings at home (no TV, no couch time with DH for the most part, laundry unfinished, etc.), but I think making sleep my priority saved me. Even if you only get yourself to bed early a few nights a week, at this stage of the game, even a few extra hours of sleep per week could make a difference in your overall well being.

[Anonymous]

It gets much much better as the DCs grow older and you get into a more efficient routine. Everyone's routine is different - you'll find your rhythm. Just give yourself a few months.

[Anonymous]

It is really hard at first. It does eventually get better. It's not easy to be on and work and on at home all the time.

[Anonymous]

OP - it's tough. I also have a 3 month old and an almost 2 year old, and I'm going back to work in a couple weeks. I'm FREAKING out...I'm already exhausted with the two kids, and I have no idea how I am going to work, keep in shape, eat healthy, and run things around the house. My DH is pretty good, but still expects me to do the lions share. Also, are you going to BF? I'm hoping to, but just don't know how to manage. I"ve already been sick three times in the past month, and am so worn down. Would love to see what others advise.

[Anonymous]

18:55, this is OP. Oh my gosh, I cannot imagine having a toddler in addition. Yeah, I am BFing, so pumping at work. Fun! So far it us going okay. I am doing it 2X a day, and we'll continue to supplement. I am doing the pumping thing one week at a time.

Is your 2 yr old at home with you?

Thanks everyone. It helps to know that I am walking down a well torn path, and that it gets easier, eventually.

[Anonymous]

I remember telling everyone, including my boss (!) that first week back that all I was trying to do was show up. Physically get out the door, sit in my office, go through the motions, and go home. I was there that first week but not THERE. Slowly but surely, you'll get more stamina and then next thing you know you'll have a routine, and then gee, you're enjoying your job again, and then holy cow, you're GOOD at your job again. And then you have your sprinkling of really shitty, sleep-deprived days sprinkled in there. But you will be able to do this!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - it's tough. I also have a 3 month old and an almost 2 year old, and I'm going back to work in a couple weeks. I'm FREAKING out...I'm already exhausted with the two kids, and I have no idea how I am going to work, keep in shape, eat healthy, and run things around the house. My DH is pretty good, but still expects me to do the lions share. Also, are you going to BF? I'm hoping to, but just don't know how to manage. I"ve already been sick three times in the past month, and am so worn down. Would love to see what others advise.

I have a 7 month old and a 2.5 year old and yeah, I'm exhausted! I also exclusively pump but fortunately have been able to cut down to 4 sessions (up from 8 previously). Definitely make sure you do as much as possible the night before- packing lunches, ironing (I actually iron a week's worth of outfits on the weekend), laying out the kids' clothes the night before, keeping dinner simple. We always do breakfast for dinner once a week. Take probiotics. I've been deathly sick while both kids were also sick and taking care of them while I felt like crawling into bed myself was no fun.

Good luck!