Reply to How do people in dead bedroom marriages cope?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have an affair. Sex is great with my AP.[/quote]

So you are very open in hidden and anonymous interactions, but are too cowardly to tell the only person whose knowledge matters, your spouse.  Who taught you that sneaking around and hiding were the hallmarks of a person worth emulating?  [/quote]

And what changes if they actually talk to their spouse about being upset at lack of sex? That’s right, nothing. The spouse makes excuses, says they’ll change and try, then it’s 3 weeks later and no still no sex. Fk that sht. Sometimes cheating is okay. Lack of intimacy in a marriage is grounds for divorce.[/quote]

I'm not with you on the cheating. But the "communication is the cure" people are naive and delusional. Often times, it's just hormones. "Communicating" isn't going to change that. Either the couple can live with the status quo or they can't. If they can't - in my opinion - divorce is the answer. [/quote]

Anyone who is not mentally ill can live without sex. . . 
[/quote]

By your logic, you can live with your husband having sex with another woman, assuming you just decide to cut him off from sex for reasons other than cancer, etc.

Deciding “I don’t feel like it anymore” is not a valid reason.  If you disagree, well, have fun living with all your cats.[/quote]

Yep,[b] that is what communication means. You work to find solutions[/b] together. All else being equal,  if I did not have any libido and could not find any with the help of medication and therapy, I'd have no problem with him looking elsewhere. I am qualifying that statement with ' all else being equal' because I wouldn't agree to it for a selfish man. Some of you sound like stray dogs ready to hump everything the moment adversity comes your way. So if I were married to someone similar to some of you, I'd take the cats please.

[/quote]

The assertion that "communication" necessarily involves finding solutions is really straining the meaning of that word to the breaking point. Communication is an exchange of information. What you do with that information is another step entirely. I think you're right though. Couples not only need to communicate. They need to work together to find solutions (which will be made easier through communication.) But when couples are given the the advice to communicate, I think they also need to be reminded to find solutions - because that piece is often left out of the advice. [/quote]

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