DD terrified to go to school due to classmates behavior. How to proceed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do a better job with your own child, OP. If you had taught her more about resilience and inclusion, she would not be in the situation she is in. And also

- where is your empathy for the other child?

Sure because at your place of work you have a fellow employee who spends the day screaming, crying, throwing items and forcing himself to vomit.

When you ride public transportation and you are seated next to someone who is screaming, crying, throwing items and forcing himself to vomit you willingly sit there for extended periods of time instead of getting up and moving. If you knew you had to be in close proximity with that person everyday you would find alternative transportation.

Any adult who said they were fearful of commuting to work because they had to be in close proximity for an hour to an individual like this wouldn't be thought of as having anxiety because they have a rational fear or not wanting to be vomited on or not wanting to have anything thrown at them.

What we expect general education teachers and other students in the classroom to deal with is just not right.

Not every student can be in a class with a large class size, so they need a class that meets their needs. School districts have removed these placement options. It isn't fair to the student having difficulty and isn't fair to the rest of the students and teachers.

Yep, this. As a parent of a normal kid that has been affected by these out of control little monsters, I don't give a good god d*** about the other kid. Their mom can worry about them.

Here's the thing: if you focus on trying to punish or hurt the other kid, rather than making things better for everyone, then the situation isn't likely to improve for your "normal child."

The problem is that resources have been gutted for special education services for children with high needs. It is incredibly challenging to get appropriate classroom supports, and nearly impossible to get special placements. That isn't going to change unless more parents speak up on the need to properly fund special
education.

OP isn’t focusing on punishing the other kid. She just wants him away from her kid- as probably all the rest of the normal kids’ parents want as well. Forget increasing special ed services if schools can’t. The least they can and should do is consolidate all the kids that can’t learn and behave in a normal classroom into the same classroom. At least this way all the kids capable of behaving and learning aren’t robbed of an education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my son in K. Super disruptive kid, constantly being redirected and scolded, made the whole class miserable. It happened in January. Moved him from another class with a less experienced teacher to my son's class that had a 30 year plus teacher and an assistant. My son's entire behavior changed for a few months. He hated going to school. He was just so overwhelmed, and the assistant was your typical old school who thinks screaming and yelling and threatening solves everything.
It was really frustrating because adding him increased the class from 26 to 27 and then another new kid came in and it became 28 but the other classes had 24 and 25.
The "problem" kid is in my son's current class (2 years later) and he has calmed down a bit, but I can tell that it still bothers my son. His current teacher is also a threats type but she only hollers, not yells. Basically, my son shuts it out and asks for jobs or draws or stares out the windows.

He had a fantastic teacher last year so I try to cross fingers next year we can hopefully get a better classroom management teacher and peer group. If it continues, we will consider homeschooling. I love the school overall and there is great representation and my son is generally excited to go to school. He did not feel that way the last half of K.

What? WV or rural South chiming in with a nonsensical comparison?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds very hard and upsetting. I’m sorry for all the kids in this class, including that student who is having a hard time- he’s dealing with something and it sounds like it isn’t being addressed.

While I agree this sounds frustrating and your daughter’s education should not be derailed by the behavior of others, this is also a time to help your daughter learn how to deal with her anxiety. If her process is to get so worked up and worried, then this is an opportunity to teach her how anxiety works and how to manage it. Expect the worry to show up, help her realize that worry won’t “go away” it’s learning how to expect it, put it in the back seat and let your daughter decide what she wants to do- her worry doesn’t driver her decisions for action, she does. Take the anxiety out of the driver’s seat. In this case, this kid will have a fit again. Your daughter will be uncomfortable, she can expect that. The key here is what she does with it- what can she tell herself- yes, ok there is my worry. Of course it’s there. Thanns, I don’t need you now. I’m ok, my teacher is here, I don’t like it but I can handle it- I can quietly hum to myself, I can draw on my paper, I can sing a song in my head, I can tell myself that the teacher will handle this.

If her process at 7 is this anxious, it is likely going to come up another time, another way- once this boy goes away, her worry, at some point will come back with another trigger. That is why you don’t “treat” or avoid the trigger, you work with you child on how they sit in the uncomfortable situation.

NO!!! A 7 year old should not HAVE TO learn how to deal w anxiety induced by a psycho child in their class. Society needs to protect this 7 year olds sanity, safety, and innocence as much as it tries to “protect” the kid misbehaving.

This girl should not be taught that her comfort and safety and feelings are less than because a child has issues. Can you imagine how that will play out for her in an abusive relationship when she’s older?

WTF is wrong with you people suggesting this!

It's the parents of these disruptive kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you're gossiping about this child to other parents? How nasty!!

Your child clearly has anxiety. Get her diagnosed, start the special education process so you can deal with her anxiety. It's only going to get worse and you should get the process for her anxiety accommodations rolling now.

A kid doesn’t have to have anxiety to be having problems sharing a classroom with a kid who screams, throws things, and forces themselves to vomit.

Right?! What sane person would *like* that environment?!

But OP's child is the only one refusing to go to school. THAT is difference.

You have no idea whether OP's child is the only one experiencing school refusal. But also, the point is that an adult would refuse to be in that situation, why is it okay to force a 7 year old to endure that environment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds very hard and upsetting. I’m sorry for all the kids in this class, including that student who is having a hard time- he’s dealing with something and it sounds like it isn’t being addressed.

While I agree this sounds frustrating and your daughter’s education should not be derailed by the behavior of others, this is also a time to help your daughter learn how to deal with her anxiety. If her process is to get so worked up and worried, then this is an opportunity to teach her how anxiety works and how to manage it. Expect the worry to show up, help her realize that worry won’t “go away” it’s learning how to expect it, put it in the back seat and let your daughter decide what she wants to do- her worry doesn’t driver her decisions for action, she does. Take the anxiety out of the driver’s seat. In this case, this kid will have a fit again. Your daughter will be uncomfortable, she can expect that. The key here is what she does with it- what can she tell herself- yes, ok there is my worry. Of course it’s there. Thanns, I don’t need you now. I’m ok, my teacher is here, I don’t like it but I can handle it- I can quietly hum to myself, I can draw on my paper, I can sing a song in my head, I can tell myself that the teacher will handle this.

If her process at 7 is this anxious, it is likely going to come up another time, another way- once this boy goes away, her worry, at some point will come back with another trigger. That is why you don’t “treat” or avoid the trigger, you work with you child on how they sit in the uncomfortable situation.

This is a feasible approach where the anxiety is disproportionate to the actual thing being feared. But here OP's kid is being placed in an unsafe and chaotic environment daily. This child isn't wrong to be upset. She shouldn't have to just suck it up and take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you're gossiping about this child to other parents? How nasty!!

Your child clearly has anxiety. Get her diagnosed, start the special education process so you can deal with her anxiety. It's only going to get worse and you should get the process for her anxiety accommodations rolling now.

A kid doesn’t have to have anxiety to be having problems sharing a classroom with a kid who screams, throws things, and forces themselves to vomit.

Right?! What sane person would *like* that environment?!

But OP's child is the only one refusing to go to school. THAT is difference.

You have no idea whether OP's child is the only one experiencing school refusal. But also, the point is that an adult would refuse to be in that situation, why is it okay to force a 7 year old to endure that environment?

Yep this. No adult would voluntarily accept being in that environment all day every day. Why do we expect it of our children, whose brains are still developing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you're gossiping about this child to other parents? How nasty!!

Your child clearly has anxiety. Get her diagnosed, start the special education process so you can deal with her anxiety. It's only going to get worse and you should get the process for her anxiety accommodations rolling now.

Ignore this imbecile, OP. Be the squeaky wheel and don’t go away until they move your kid to another class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't about the other child, this is about OP's child's special needs.

Nope, but hey, you tried. 🤷‍♀️

(not OP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please document this early and often, OP. File a bullying form, and include doctor's notes reporting on her level of anxiety.

The school needs to gather a lot of evidence before pushing for a non-mainstream environment or suggesting other placements for these children. It partially relies on complaints from others parents to bolster its arguments.

My daughter was in such a situation in 4th grade in MCPS. Her classmate was ASD/ADHD and had terrible fits of rage. He would turn over tables, hit other children, etc. My daughter was seated next to him most days because she was reportedly a "calming influence". He never hit her, and indeed seemed to be soothed by her presence. But that didn't make it particularly comfortable for my daughter, seeing him hit other boys and throw stuff!

Eventually, after other families complained and the school had gathered enough documentation, he left before the end of the year. His parents were really nice, and had been actively trying to get him medication and psychiatric treatment since before the beginning of that school year. But it takes a long while to get seen by psychologists for in-depth evaluations, and a long while to see improvements while on medication (and there's often a period where different meds are tried before landing on the one combo that works)... so he was not appropriately regulated that year.

It's tough for everyone.

Wut. Why. There's no bullying. And they're seven. Don't be such a dipshit.

PP you replied. Don't insult me, I've got a lot more experience with this than you. My kids are now 20 and 15 and have seen it all in their public (and private schools - not the magic bullet some people seem to think it is!). The bullying complaint is appropriate, because OP's daughter feels threatened at school, but more importantly, the bullying forms are taken seriously by most schools. It's part of OP's arsenal to move the needle. This is not an attack on the child who is in psychiatric distress and lashing out. This child must be moved to a more appropriate placement and cannot stay where they are. So this is for the good of everyone.

YOU. ARE. WRONG. STOP. PROJECTING.

NO. YOU. ARE. WRONG. STOP. WITH.THE.STUPID. BOOMERESQUE. CAPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you're gossiping about this child to other parents? How nasty!!

Your child clearly has anxiety. Get her diagnosed, start the special education process so you can deal with her anxiety. It's only going to get worse and you should get the process for her anxiety accommodations rolling now.

Other parents never, ever talk to each other about disruptive kids.

I don't know why everyone is making this about the disruptive child. OP needs coping strategies for her child who is refusing to go to school because of her anxiety.

You’re either being disingenuous or else you’re not very bright. I’m betting on both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell my kid she has my permission (the only permission she needs) to calmly walk to the library and sit and read a book whenever she feels scared to be in the classroom with the bad kid, even if that’s all day every day.

I’d keep good notes on when she goes there. And then after a few weeks I’d tell the school they need to provide a free tutor during school hours to catch her up and teach her the curriculum since they have chosen to make her classroom unsafe.

Students aren’t allowed to leave the classroom without permission. They aren’t allowed to go to another room unsupervised.

Oh well. Guess they should have addressed the disruptive boy sooner. 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a veteran teacher. You need to first go over the principal’s head and complain to your school board member. Then you file a state complaint that your child is not able to receive FAPE, which is a free and appropriate public education, in this situation. I’d ask to have your child moved to another classroom immediately. You really have to go right to the top with this kind of thing to get results.

The problem is that her non-IEP kid is not legally eligible for FAPE, which is ridiculous and needs to change, but legally is currently true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach your kid to stop internalizing another person's bad behavior. This is an important life lesson opportunity you have in front of you.

So you would be fine to sit in a work conference with a coworker who yells, throws things, and makes himself vomit?

Comments like the PP are so incredible asinine. They must be the parents of chair throwers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said "It seems like she’d never been targeted but his behavior in itself is very triggering for her. She is highly sensative and not use to loud, overstimulating environments."

You need to focus on your own child's development. The teacher is accommodating your child's sensitivity in the ways available to her.

For your part, you can work on teaching your kid how to manage her anxiety and understand and handle the situation with empathy. It is important now that you know she tends to anxiety to actively teach her skills for managing that -- this isn't the only place where this anxiety will hit her.

Teach her boudaries in case she ever is a target, but this kid's behavior seems untargetted - he's crying and having a rough time adjusting to a social environment. He's loud. He has tantrums. It's not about her, so help her distinguish between social behavior hatt she doesn't like and targetted behavior that crosses personal boundaries. important life lesson.

But mostly, her issue is that she can't process what she's seeing. Work on that. If this is her first experience with a child with a disability, it is a very important time to help her develop empathy. A very important life skill.

There are not enough eye roll emojis in the world to properly address the bolded. Oh, PLEASE. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do a better job with your own child, OP. If you had taught her more about resilience and inclusion, she would not be in the situation she is in. And also

- where is your empathy for the other child?

You are truly asinine.