DD terrified to go to school due to classmates behavior. How to proceed?

[Anonymous]

DD (7) has become increasingly anxious about attending school due to a classmates behavior.

This boy was recently moved to her home room because his previous teacher (new grade) was overwhelmed and DDs current teacher is an experienced educator.

It’s been about 4 weeks and DD is so anxious and having super difficult nights and almost impossible mornings.

We’ve asked her numerous times if this child had ever done anything to her and she says no. It seems like she’d never been targeted but his behavior in itself is very triggering for her. She is highly sensative and not use to loud, overstimulating environments.

From what we’ve gathered his behaviors are generally massive meltdowns that include screaming, crying, throwing items and forcing himself to vomit. He had not reportedly been violent to any other students or teachers.

We spoke to her teacher about it and she seemed sympathetic and even frustrated by the situation but unable to do much. She does allow DD and a few other kids who get stressed out by his meltdowns to sit out in the hall when this student acts out.

We just don’t know how to proceed. Admin made it clear they won’t discuss the child with us which we understand. This is just starting to negatively impact her ability to learn and her at home behavior.

I do feel for this child and his family but my first priority is my child.

Has anyone been in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Is there another class she can move to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there another class she can move to?

Admin said they don’t play “musical classes” mid year.

But apparently they do for this child. I think there are a few other kids also struggling so they’re afraid if the move DD they’ll have to move the other children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there another class she can move to?

Admin said they don’t play “musical classes” mid year.

But apparently they do for this child. I think there are a few other kids also struggling so they’re afraid if the move DD they’ll have to move the other children.

Has the admin told you what they plan to do to make the environment good for all kids?

Separately, and I have no idea if this is a good idea or not, but is there any way to desensitize your DD to his behavior. Be dismissive. This again?! I hate this for your DD but she would be well served to not be taken out by other's bad behavior that she has no control over. Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Please document this early and often, OP. File a bullying form, and include doctor's notes reporting on her level of anxiety.

The school needs to gather a lot of evidence before pushing for a non-mainstream environment or suggesting other placements for these children. It partially relies on complaints from others parents to bolster its arguments.

My daughter was in such a situation in 4th grade in MCPS. Her classmate was ASD/ADHD and had terrible fits of rage. He would turn over tables, hit other children, etc. My daughter was seated next to him most days because she was reportedly a "calming influence". He never hit her, and indeed seemed to be soothed by her presence. But that didn't make it particularly comfortable for my daughter, seeing him hit other boys and throw stuff!

Eventually, after other families complained and the school had gathered enough documentation, he left before the end of the year. His parents were really nice, and had been actively trying to get him medication and psychiatric treatment since before the beginning of that school year. But it takes a long while to get seen by psychologists for in-depth evaluations, and a long while to see improvements while on medication (and there's often a period where different meds are tried before landing on the one combo that works)... so he was not appropriately regulated that year.

It's tough for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there another class she can move to?

Admin said they don’t play “musical classes” mid year.

But apparently they do for this child. I think there are a few other kids also struggling so they’re afraid if the move DD they’ll have to move the other children.

Has the admin told you what they plan to do to make the environment good for all kids?

Separately, and I have no idea if this is a good idea or not, but is there any way to desensitize your DD to his behavior. Be dismissive. This again?! I hate this for your DD but she would be well served to not be taken out by other's bad behavior that she has no control over. Just a thought.

Admin won’t discuss the child with us. We have to focus on DD and her anxiety.

So, I have no idea what their plan is with him.

We are handling DDs anxiety but we had very few issues until this boy was placed in her home room. All of her anxiety, sleepless nights, rough mornings, lack of concentration at school are rooted in worrying about his meltdowns.

We’ve tried to coach her through how to respond but honestly I’d be scared too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please document this early and often, OP. File a bullying form, and include doctor's notes reporting on her level of anxiety.

The school needs to gather a lot of evidence before pushing for a non-mainstream environment or suggesting other placements for these children. It partially relies on complaints from others parents to bolster its arguments.

My daughter was in such a situation in 4th grade in MCPS. Her classmate was ASD/ADHD and had terrible fits of rage. He would turn over tables, hit other children, etc. My daughter was seated next to him most days because she was reportedly a "calming influence". He never hit her, and indeed seemed to be soothed by her presence. But that didn't make it particularly comfortable for my daughter, seeing him hit other boys and throw stuff!

Eventually, after other families complained and the school had gathered enough documentation, he left before the end of the year. His parents were really nice, and had been actively trying to get him medication and psychiatric treatment since before the beginning of that school year. But it takes a long while to get seen by psychologists for in-depth evaluations, and a long while to see improvements while on medication (and there's often a period where different meds are tried before landing on the one combo that works)... so he was not appropriately regulated that year.

It's tough for everyone.

It seems like everyone else in the classroom is an after thought. The kids, the teacher.

It’s frustrating all around. I feel horrible for the child because he must be did regulated and in a lot of distress to act out this numerous times a day. Clearly this isn’t working for anyone.

[Anonymous]

You do finer ever instance. Document your child's school refusal based on the duration she is experiencing in class. Send to principal -'s asst principal and eventually above them. If enough learners complain, the school may do something about the disrupting kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do finer ever instance. Document your child's school refusal based on the duration she is experiencing in class. Send to principal -'s asst principal and eventually above them. If enough learners complain, the school may do something about the disrupting kid.

Should we get an official assessment with her pediatrician? Is it inappropriate for me to reach out to the parents of the other kids struggling? I don’t want to “bully” this kid out of the class.

[Anonymous]

15:27 again. It is not legal for the school to divulge anything about this child, BTW. They are correct not to discuss him with you. But they need impact reports from everyone around the child so they can talk to the parents with all the facts and make other placement decisions.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I’d move her to catholic school. The public schools prioritize the one over the many.

[Anonymous]

Document every incident. Written emails to the teacher copying the Assistant Principal/Counselor or whomever is most responsive to the situation. Tell them what DD reports and what her concerns and reactions are. Ask them to tell your child how to keep safe in the classroom when something goes down. Can she walk over to the reading corner? What should she do if she gets anxious during school? Is there a school counselor who can meet with her now to help her manage her fears during his outbursts?

Basically you need to be the squeaky wheel. Focus on your child -- what she says, how she feels, what she reports and what she is worried about. Is there something that would make her feel better? Tell them this. They can provide it or not.

The more they hear about the problems stemming from this behavior, the more help the child will hopefully get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’d move her to catholic school. The public schools prioritize the one over the many.

We are not Catholic. We also don’t have the budget for a private school. We don’t want to move her as we overall have had good experiences where we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’d move her to catholic school. The public schools prioritize the one over the many.

This^^

The protections in place for these kids who act up and likely have IEPs that protect them is always in favor of the kid who causes the problems. I'm sorry - that's an unpopular opinion but it's true. While your kid may not be the targe, it sounds like they are dealing with bystander or 'secondhand' distress.
Your other option is to continue to notify the school (teacher, principal, etc) and document every time something happens. It may get to where you have to contact administrators outside your home school.

[Anonymous]

I pulled my kids out of the school. We found a Catholic school. 100 times better than public. We are never going back.