DD terrified to go to school due to classmates behavior. How to proceed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:School always says they don't do musical classrooms or all the parents will bolt in a situation like this.
What I did was move my kid to the Catholic school in town.

This is a problem with the funding model in Maryland and Virginia. Most of the revenue comes from the county regardless of enrollment numbers. And, unsurprisingly, is is cheaper to not provide appropriate education to both high and low-needs children, even if that means they'll go somewhere else, because losing students doesn't lead to losing much funding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do a better job with your own child, OP. If you had taught her more about resilience and inclusion, she would not be in the situation she is in. And also

- where is your empathy for the other child?

Sure because at your place of work you have a fellow employee who spends the day screaming, crying, throwing items and forcing himself to vomit.

When you ride public transportation and you are seated next to someone who is screaming, crying, throwing items and forcing himself to vomit you willingly sit there for extended periods of time instead of getting up and moving. If you knew you had to be in close proximity with that person everyday you would find alternative transportation.

Any adult who said they were fearful of commuting to work because they had to be in close proximity for an hour to an individual like this wouldn't be thought of as having anxiety because they have a rational fear or not wanting to be vomited on or not wanting to have anything thrown at them.

What we expect general education teachers and other students in the classroom to deal with is just not right.

Not every student can be in a class with a large class size, so they need a class that meets their needs. School districts have removed these placement options. It isn't fair to the student having difficulty and isn't fair to the rest of the students and teachers.

This, a million times over.
I am sure the bleeding heart idiot above has never had her own child in OP's situation

[Anonymous]

Why do we have someone asking this question every few weeks on dcum. Look it up OP. It’s been addressed a million times already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. Honestly, I’d move my kid to Catholic school. I know you said you can’t afford it but I’d find a way. I moved my kid to Catholic school for other reasons but if a single parent teacher can find a way, so can you.

It is very difficult to get an aide for students like this. The documentation process takes forever in public school. The fastest I’ve ever seen a child get an aide at my school was nearly two years. First, you have to document all of the behaviors and then have an initial meeting. Then you have to order a functional behavioral assessment. Then you meet again to possibly develop a behavioral intervention plan. By then, the school year is over and start again the following year to work on getting a one-on-one.

I know a public school teacher that has her kids in Catholic school. I have specifically asked that my children not be placed in her class. I won't allow my children to be taught by such a hypocrite. That and she lives in our neighborhood and is just a nasty person.

This is hilarious. Public school teachers who pay for Catholic school aren't hypocrites, they are realists. They realize they want something different for their kids. They also can easily figure out what is going on behind the scenes so can base their decision having more information. They realize things like:

1. Neighborhood elementary school gets a new principal and over the course of two years the really good teachers your older child had or that neighbors raved about leave to teach at different schools. You go to the office and you can sense the moral is awful.

2. The cohort of kids one of your kids in has ratios that are way off. Maybe you have a boy and for some reason that year over 65% of the class are boys who are really active and not great listeners and your kid likes to join in. The teachers are already talking about the challenging cohort and feeling bad for the first grade teachers.

3. You have several children who are out of control and classrooms are having to be evacuated on a regular basis.

4. New curriculum is adopted that you realize is going to be awful for your child like Lucy Caulkins and instead you want phonics and spelling tests.

None of these things can really be changed. So your kid is going to suffer for years or you pull the plug and switch to a private school you can afford which tends to be a private Catholic or Christian School.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. Honestly, I’d move my kid to Catholic school. I know you said you can’t afford it but I’d find a way. I moved my kid to Catholic school for other reasons but if a single parent teacher can find a way, so can you.

It is very difficult to get an aide for students like this. The documentation process takes forever in public school. The fastest I’ve ever seen a child get an aide at my school was nearly two years. First, you have to document all of the behaviors and then have an initial meeting. Then you have to order a functional behavioral assessment. Then you meet again to possibly develop a behavioral intervention plan. By then, the school year is over and start again the following year to work on getting a one-on-one.

I know a public school teacher that has her kids in Catholic school. I have specifically asked that my children not be placed in her class. I won't allow my children to be taught by such a hypocrite. That and she lives in our neighborhood and is just a nasty person.

Hypocrite here. I think I’m the 3rd one to post so far?

A lot of teachers at my school send their own children to private schools. You’ll have to do some serious investigation each year if you want to avoid “hypocrites.”

I hate to disappoint you, but teachers get to decide what’s best for their own children. They aren’t bound to making decisions that please you.

[Anonymous]

That kid probably won’t be back next year, but it takes a while to remove a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That kid probably won’t be back next year, but it takes a while to remove a kid.

Unfortunately this is often not the case. The kid could be there for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That kid probably won’t be back next year, but it takes a while to remove a kid.

Unfortunately this is often not the case. The kid could be there for years.

This. It’s rare in my school for them to leave but if they do, sometimes they come right back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do we have someone asking this question every few weeks on dcum. Look it up OP. It’s been addressed a million times already.

Because this is a rampant problem in every public school.

Think back to your own elementary days. In my whole K-12 experience in the late 80s-2000, I cannot recall a single classroom with an out of control kid doing the things OP (and the many other OPs of similar threads) describe. Not one. Between this issue and the lack of instruction and meaningful learning in school, I cannot recognize the public school experience anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do a better job with your own child, OP. If you had taught her more about resilience and inclusion, she would not be in the situation she is in. And also

- where is your empathy for the other child?

Sure because at your place of work you have a fellow employee who spends the day screaming, crying, throwing items and forcing himself to vomit.

When you ride public transportation and you are seated next to someone who is screaming, crying, throwing items and forcing himself to vomit you willingly sit there for extended periods of time instead of getting up and moving. If you knew you had to be in close proximity with that person everyday you would find alternative transportation.

Any adult who said they were fearful of commuting to work because they had to be in close proximity for an hour to an individual like this wouldn't be thought of as having anxiety because they have a rational fear or not wanting to be vomited on or not wanting to have anything thrown at them.

What we expect general education teachers and other students in the classroom to deal with is just not right.

Not every student can be in a class with a large class size, so they need a class that meets their needs. School districts have removed these placement options. It isn't fair to the student having difficulty and isn't fair to the rest of the students and teachers.

Yep, this. As a parent of a normal kid that has been affected by these out of control little monsters, I don't give a good god d*** about the other kid. Their mom can worry about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do a better job with your own child, OP. If you had taught her more about resilience and inclusion, she would not be in the situation she is in. And also

- where is your empathy for the other child?

Sure because at your place of work you have a fellow employee who spends the day screaming, crying, throwing items and forcing himself to vomit.

When you ride public transportation and you are seated next to someone who is screaming, crying, throwing items and forcing himself to vomit you willingly sit there for extended periods of time instead of getting up and moving. If you knew you had to be in close proximity with that person everyday you would find alternative transportation.

Any adult who said they were fearful of commuting to work because they had to be in close proximity for an hour to an individual like this wouldn't be thought of as having anxiety because they have a rational fear or not wanting to be vomited on or not wanting to have anything thrown at them.

What we expect general education teachers and other students in the classroom to deal with is just not right.

Not every student can be in a class with a large class size, so they need a class that meets their needs. School districts have removed these placement options. It isn't fair to the student having difficulty and isn't fair to the rest of the students and teachers.

Yep, this. As a parent of a normal kid that has been affected by these out of control little monsters, I don't give a good god d*** about the other kid. Their mom can worry about them.

Here's the thing: if you focus on trying to punish or hurt the other kid, rather than making things better for everyone, then the situation isn't likely to improve for your "normal child."

The problem is that resources have been gutted for special education services for children with high needs. It is incredibly challenging to get appropriate classroom supports, and nearly impossible to get special placements. That isn't going to change unless more parents speak up on the need to properly fund special
education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher of 17 years, it seems like every year for the last 7 years, this is my situation. The last two years were really tough as I have had between 4-7 children with ASD/ ADHD/ ED codes with gentle parents who are very passive about children who hit, kick, bite, have intentional BM’s, scream, destroy property and throw chairs and tables before eloping. The best thing I could do is document, protect the other children by moving to a designated location and calling for help, maintaining a very calm, routine and consistent schedule. It was still very difficult but we did get through those years. Parents were mostly understanding but I do personally feel upset because our hands are tied due to laws that protect the children with these disabilities that do work against the structure of a classroom. I also taught beforehand in a state that does not have home school model for SpEd. This is an extremely frustrating time in public education. If I were you, I would arm my child and practice using dolls on how to stay safe, advocate for herself and use every parental right I can to protect my child. I read you are not open to a private school so this is my recommendation.

INTENTIONAL BMs?? Dear lord. One of the years my kid had one of these kids in his class I remember talking to his teacher about it and I just felt so bad for her and what the administration was expecting her to deal with on her own. As a parent I cannot understand why as a parent you wouldn't intervene if your kid is behaving like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do a better job with your own child, OP. If you had taught her more about resilience and inclusion, she would not be in the situation she is in. And also

- where is your empathy for the other child?

Sure because at your place of work you have a fellow employee who spends the day screaming, crying, throwing items and forcing himself to vomit.

When you ride public transportation and you are seated next to someone who is screaming, crying, throwing items and forcing himself to vomit you willingly sit there for extended periods of time instead of getting up and moving. If you knew you had to be in close proximity with that person everyday you would find alternative transportation.

Any adult who said they were fearful of commuting to work because they had to be in close proximity for an hour to an individual like this wouldn't be thought of as having anxiety because they have a rational fear or not wanting to be vomited on or not wanting to have anything thrown at them.

What we expect general education teachers and other students in the classroom to deal with is just not right.

Not every student can be in a class with a large class size, so they need a class that meets their needs. School districts have removed these placement options. It isn't fair to the student having difficulty and isn't fair to the rest of the students and teachers.

Yep, this. As a parent of a normal kid that has been affected by these out of control little monsters, I don't give a good god d*** about the other kid. Their mom can worry about them.

Here's the thing: if you focus on trying to punish or hurt the other kid, rather than making things better for everyone, then the situation isn't likely to improve for your "normal child."

The problem is that resources have been gutted for special education services for children with high needs. It is incredibly challenging to get appropriate classroom supports, and nearly impossible to get special placements. That isn't going to change unless more parents speak up on the need to properly fund special
education.

I did focus on my kid, because there was nothing I could do about the other kid. That doesn't mean I wasn't inwardly seething with rage about it and judging their crappy parents. One thing a lot of people don't get is that unfortunately a lot of parents of these disruptive kids actually advocate for their kids to stay in the regular classroom or not get services because of the "least restrictive environment." Pardon me if I don't think my kids education should be sacrificed so your kid has the right to stay in the classroom and destroy it every single day.

[Anonymous]

I’m a teacher and send my kid to Catholic school. I can’t actually teach at a Catholic school because I’m not Catholic. I don’t know about other Catholic schools but ours requires full-time classroom teachers to be Catholic. I don’t think I am a hypocrite. I’ve complained, I’ve talked to other parents and dutifully filled out those useless faculty and parent surveys. I can’t single-handedly change the screens policy, literacy curriculum, or classroom/building policies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds very hard and upsetting. I’m sorry for all the kids in this class, including that student who is having a hard time- he’s dealing with something and it sounds like it isn’t being addressed.

While I agree this sounds frustrating and your daughter’s education should not be derailed by the behavior of others, this is also a time to help your daughter learn how to deal with her anxiety. If her process is to get so worked up and worried, then this is an opportunity to teach her how anxiety works and how to manage it. Expect the worry to show up, help her realize that worry won’t “go away” it’s learning how to expect it, put it in the back seat and let your daughter decide what she wants to do- her worry doesn’t driver her decisions for action, she does. Take the anxiety out of the driver’s seat. In this case, this kid will have a fit again. Your daughter will be uncomfortable, she can expect that. The key here is what she does with it- what can she tell herself- yes, ok there is my worry. Of course it’s there. Thanns, I don’t need you now. I’m ok, my teacher is here, I don’t like it but I can handle it- I can quietly hum to myself, I can draw on my paper, I can sing a song in my head, I can tell myself that the teacher will handle this.

If her process at 7 is this anxious, it is likely going to come up another time, another way- once this boy goes away, her worry, at some point will come back with another trigger. That is why you don’t “treat” or avoid the trigger, you work with you child on how they sit in the uncomfortable situation.

NO!!! A 7 year old should not HAVE TO learn how to deal w anxiety induced by a psycho child in their class. Society needs to protect this 7 year olds sanity, safety, and innocence as much as it tries to “protect” the kid misbehaving.

This girl should not be taught that her comfort and safety and feelings are less than because a child has issues. Can you imagine how that will play out for her in an abusive relationship when she’s older?

WTF is wrong with you people suggesting this!