DD terrified to go to school due to classmates behavior. How to proceed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’d move her to catholic school. The public schools prioritize the one over the many.

We are not Catholic. We also don’t have the budget for a private school. We don’t want to move her as we overall have had good experiences where we are.

You don't have to be Catholic to go a to a Catholic school. Also, they are much cheaper than regular private schools. It was the right choice for us. School was severely impacting my child's mental health. It solved our problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please document this early and often, OP. File a bullying form, and include doctor's notes reporting on her level of anxiety.

The school needs to gather a lot of evidence before pushing for a non-mainstream environment or suggesting other placements for these children. It partially relies on complaints from others parents to bolster its arguments.

My daughter was in such a situation in 4th grade in MCPS. Her classmate was ASD/ADHD and had terrible fits of rage. He would turn over tables, hit other children, etc. My daughter was seated next to him most days because she was reportedly a "calming influence". He never hit her, and indeed seemed to be soothed by her presence. But that didn't make it particularly comfortable for my daughter, seeing him hit other boys and throw stuff!

Eventually, after other families complained and the school had gathered enough documentation, he left before the end of the year. His parents were really nice, and had been actively trying to get him medication and psychiatric treatment since before the beginning of that school year. But it takes a long while to get seen by psychologists for in-depth evaluations, and a long while to see improvements while on medication (and there's often a period where different meds are tried before landing on the one combo that works)... so he was not appropriately regulated that year.

It's tough for everyone.

Wut. Why. There's no bullying. And they're seven. Don't be such a dipshit.

[Anonymous]

You document the impact to your kid, and you ask for the transfer. I know they said no. You ask again, because the issue hasn't improved, and if they say no again, you elevate to the next level. You don't seek out other parents in the class, but if they ask you, you tell them what you are doing. PPs are right that they are going through "The Process" and all you can do is apply maximum pressure to speed up / prioritize the process.

[Anonymous]

Meet with the counselor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do finer ever instance. Document your child's school refusal based on the duration she is experiencing in class. Send to principal -'s asst principal and eventually above them. If enough learners complain, the school may do something about the disrupting kid.

Should we get an official assessment with her pediatrician? Is it inappropriate for me to reach out to the parents of the other kids struggling? I don’t want to “bully” this kid out of the class.

In order for that to do anything in terms of the school, that would be the beginning of a potential accommodation for your child through the special education process. And getting to the point where something might change for your daughter will take months. It’s not an easy or quick fix.

I agree with PP who suggested the school counselor. That’s where I’d start.

[Anonymous]

You can ask to have your child moved to the other classroom. You can have her speak to the counselor. You can get an anxiety diagnosis from a psychologist or psychiatrist and trigger the 504 process for your own child.

[Anonymous]

So you're gossiping about this child to other parents? How nasty!!

Your child clearly has anxiety. Get her diagnosed, start the special education process so you can deal with her anxiety. It's only going to get worse and you should get the process for her anxiety accommodations rolling now.

[Anonymous]

This isn't about the other child, this is about OP's child's special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you're gossiping about this child to other parents? How nasty!!

Your child clearly has anxiety. Get her diagnosed, start the special education process so you can deal with her anxiety. It's only going to get worse and you should get the process for her anxiety accommodations rolling now.

A kid doesn’t have to have anxiety to be having problems sharing a classroom with a kid who screams, throws things, and forces themselves to vomit.

[Anonymous]

Inform the school that the classroom environment is triggering anxiety and request that your child be evaluated.
Encourage every other parent you know in the class to request a similar evaluation.
The school is required to respond to an assessment request in a certain # of days.
Flood the school with requests so that they have no option but to get that classroom the support they need.
My child was in a class like this for 2nd grade. Learned nothing that year and there was a lot of recovery that needed to happen to just get back to where things should have been

[Anonymous]

This happened to my son in K. Super disruptive kid, constantly being redirected and scolded, made the whole class miserable. It happened in January. Moved him from another class with a less experienced teacher to my son's class that had a 30 year plus teacher and an assistant. My son's entire behavior changed for a few months. He hated going to school. He was just so overwhelmed, and the assistant was your typical old school who thinks screaming and yelling and threatening solves everything.
It was really frustrating because adding him increased the class from 26 to 27 and then another new kid came in and it became 28 but the other classes had 24 and 25.
The "problem" kid is in my son's current class (2 years later) and he has calmed down a bit, but I can tell that it still bothers my son. His current teacher is also a threats type but she only hollers, not yells. Basically, my son shuts it out and asks for jobs or draws or stares out the windows.

He had a fantastic teacher last year so I try to cross fingers next year we can hopefully get a better classroom management teacher and peer group. If it continues, we will consider homeschooling. I love the school overall and there is great representation and my son is generally excited to go to school. He did not feel that way the last half of K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please document this early and often, OP. File a bullying form, and include doctor's notes reporting on her level of anxiety.

The school needs to gather a lot of evidence before pushing for a non-mainstream environment or suggesting other placements for these children. It partially relies on complaints from others parents to bolster its arguments.

My daughter was in such a situation in 4th grade in MCPS. Her classmate was ASD/ADHD and had terrible fits of rage. He would turn over tables, hit other children, etc. My daughter was seated next to him most days because she was reportedly a "calming influence". He never hit her, and indeed seemed to be soothed by her presence. But that didn't make it particularly comfortable for my daughter, seeing him hit other boys and throw stuff!

Eventually, after other families complained and the school had gathered enough documentation, he left before the end of the year. His parents were really nice, and had been actively trying to get him medication and psychiatric treatment since before the beginning of that school year. But it takes a long while to get seen by psychologists for in-depth evaluations, and a long while to see improvements while on medication (and there's often a period where different meds are tried before landing on the one combo that works)... so he was not appropriately regulated that year.

It's tough for everyone.

Wut. Why. There's no bullying. And they're seven. Don't be such a dipshit.

PP you replied. Don't insult me, I've got a lot more experience with this than you. My kids are now 20 and 15 and have seen it all in their public (and private schools - not the magic bullet some people seem to think it is!). The bullying complaint is appropriate, because OP's daughter feels threatened at school, but more importantly, the bullying forms are taken seriously by most schools. It's part of OP's arsenal to move the needle. This is not an attack on the child who is in psychiatric distress and lashing out. This child must be moved to a more appropriate placement and cannot stay where they are. So this is for the good of everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you're gossiping about this child to other parents? How nasty!!

Your child clearly has anxiety. Get her diagnosed, start the special education process so you can deal with her anxiety. It's only going to get worse and you should get the process for her anxiety accommodations rolling now.

A kid doesn’t have to have anxiety to be having problems sharing a classroom with a kid who screams, throws things, and forces themselves to vomit.

Did you miss the school refusal? That's anxiety and the inability to deal with things. OP's child is screaming for help and you're focused on the other kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please document this early and often, OP. File a bullying form, and include doctor's notes reporting on her level of anxiety.

The school needs to gather a lot of evidence before pushing for a non-mainstream environment or suggesting other placements for these children. It partially relies on complaints from others parents to bolster its arguments.

My daughter was in such a situation in 4th grade in MCPS. Her classmate was ASD/ADHD and had terrible fits of rage. He would turn over tables, hit other children, etc. My daughter was seated next to him most days because she was reportedly a "calming influence". He never hit her, and indeed seemed to be soothed by her presence. But that didn't make it particularly comfortable for my daughter, seeing him hit other boys and throw stuff!

Eventually, after other families complained and the school had gathered enough documentation, he left before the end of the year. His parents were really nice, and had been actively trying to get him medication and psychiatric treatment since before the beginning of that school year. But it takes a long while to get seen by psychologists for in-depth evaluations, and a long while to see improvements while on medication (and there's often a period where different meds are tried before landing on the one combo that works)... so he was not appropriately regulated that year.

It's tough for everyone.

Wut. Why. There's no bullying. And they're seven. Don't be such a dipshit.

PP you replied. Don't insult me, I've got a lot more experience with this than you. My kids are now 20 and 15 and have seen it all in their public (and private schools - not the magic bullet some people seem to think it is!). The bullying complaint is appropriate, because OP's daughter feels threatened at school, but more importantly, the bullying forms are taken seriously by most schools. It's part of OP's arsenal to move the needle. This is not an attack on the child who is in psychiatric distress and lashing out. This child must be moved to a more appropriate placement and cannot stay where they are. So this is for the good of everyone.

OP did not say her child feels threatened at school. Not once. She just said her child can't deal with the behavior. If OP gets her kid diagnosed with anxiety, she gets a free pass out of the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please document this early and often, OP. File a bullying form, and include doctor's notes reporting on her level of anxiety.

The school needs to gather a lot of evidence before pushing for a non-mainstream environment or suggesting other placements for these children. It partially relies on complaints from others parents to bolster its arguments.

My daughter was in such a situation in 4th grade in MCPS. Her classmate was ASD/ADHD and had terrible fits of rage. He would turn over tables, hit other children, etc. My daughter was seated next to him most days because she was reportedly a "calming influence". He never hit her, and indeed seemed to be soothed by her presence. But that didn't make it particularly comfortable for my daughter, seeing him hit other boys and throw stuff!

Eventually, after other families complained and the school had gathered enough documentation, he left before the end of the year. His parents were really nice, and had been actively trying to get him medication and psychiatric treatment since before the beginning of that school year. But it takes a long while to get seen by psychologists for in-depth evaluations, and a long while to see improvements while on medication (and there's often a period where different meds are tried before landing on the one combo that works)... so he was not appropriately regulated that year.

It's tough for everyone.

Wut. Why. There's no bullying. And they're seven. Don't be such a dipshit.

PP you replied. Don't insult me, I've got a lot more experience with this than you. My kids are now 20 and 15 and have seen it all in their public (and private schools - not the magic bullet some people seem to think it is!). The bullying complaint is appropriate, because OP's daughter feels threatened at school, but more importantly, the bullying forms are taken seriously by most schools. It's part of OP's arsenal to move the needle. This is not an attack on the child who is in psychiatric distress and lashing out. This child must be moved to a more appropriate placement and cannot stay where they are. So this is for the good of everyone.

YOU. ARE. WRONG. STOP. PROJECTING.