DD meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time, we are both REALLY worried

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It can both be true that these parents are too fussy/conservative and that DD needs to develop a filter.

I agree with that. I just disagree with the notion that this is a good time to apply that filter. She should be very direct with the intent of getting direct responses back. MAGAs know their beliefs are abhorrent to most educated individuals and will sometimes try to hide them when they will face unpleasant consequences.

PP and true, just considering OP's other examples I think DD needs to work on a filter. But I agree tolerating abhorrent beliefs is a firm no.

What examples? The always-pregnant mother? The crazy neighbor? Neither seems that bad if they're true.

Telling a new neighbor to their face that they're "so insane" is really not normal behavior. If your new neighbor is actually insane (which isn't established here) you develop the smile, nod, and avoid tactic. You don't poke bears.

That's not healthy at all. If they're crazy, you should say so.

Why? What is the point?

Normalizing crazy is a bad idea.

OP’s dd calling someone she just met crazy does not mean that person is actually crazy…

Sure, but you don't know the neighbor isn't crazy, either. Even the op didn't dispute it.

Don’t antagonize new neighbors based on one conversation.

Yeah this doesn't make any sense. In general antagonizing people isn't a good idea. Especially were they actually to be crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is REALLY worried.

This means her daughter is beyond the realm of normal behavior and has not responded to typical parenting.

To me this screams autism with social anxiety. It's such a typical combo for women on the spectrum. The young adult can't help say this stuff but also and at the same time, is aware that something what they say backfires significantly, and yet in the moment, their different brain structure does not allow them to put the brakes on.

That's how I read it. OP, if you've already talked to your child about adhering to a certain standard of etiquette, it's time to bring in an experienced therapist. The talk about the Golden Rule doesn't necessarily work for autistic people, because often they don't mind being treated like they treat others. You daughter might benefit from a therapist who understands social anxiety in young autistic women.

- parent of autistic teens.

Or it means the OP is compensating for something else, like being MAGA herself.

The fact that the OP disappeared is a pretty clear sign.

OK now you're crazy. Stop polluting the thread.

Come on. This is a highly likely scenario under the circumstances. Old people swing MAGA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is REALLY worried.

This means her daughter is beyond the realm of normal behavior and has not responded to typical parenting.

To me this screams autism with social anxiety. It's such a typical combo for women on the spectrum. The young adult can't help say this stuff but also and at the same time, is aware that something what they say backfires significantly, and yet in the moment, their different brain structure does not allow them to put the brakes on.

That's how I read it. OP, if you've already talked to your child about adhering to a certain standard of etiquette, it's time to bring in an experienced therapist. The talk about the Golden Rule doesn't necessarily work for autistic people, because often they don't mind being treated like they treat others. You daughter might benefit from a therapist who understands social anxiety in young autistic women.

- parent of autistic teens.

Or it means the OP is compensating for something else, like being MAGA herself.

The fact that the OP disappeared is a pretty clear sign.

OK now you're crazy. Stop polluting the thread.

Come on. This is a highly likely scenario under the circumstances. Old people swing MAGA.

No. The facts do not support your sentence. Women seniors voted more for the Democrat, men seniors voted more for the Republican. Overall, the total senior breakdown is *slightly* skewed towards the Republican, but not by much. Therefore, NO, it is NOT highly likely that a random senior would be MAGA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is REALLY worried.

This means her daughter is beyond the realm of normal behavior and has not responded to typical parenting.

To me this screams autism with social anxiety. It's such a typical combo for women on the spectrum. The young adult can't help say this stuff but also and at the same time, is aware that something what they say backfires significantly, and yet in the moment, their different brain structure does not allow them to put the brakes on.

That's how I read it. OP, if you've already talked to your child about adhering to a certain standard of etiquette, it's time to bring in an experienced therapist. The talk about the Golden Rule doesn't necessarily work for autistic people, because often they don't mind being treated like they treat others. You daughter might benefit from a therapist who understands social anxiety in young autistic women.

- parent of autistic teens.

Or it means the OP is compensating for something else, like being MAGA herself.

The fact that the OP disappeared is a pretty clear sign.

OK now you're crazy. Stop polluting the thread.

Come on. This is a highly likely scenario under the circumstances. Old people swing MAGA.

No. The facts do not support your sentence. Women seniors voted more for the Democrat, men seniors voted more for the Republican. Overall, the total senior breakdown is *slightly* skewed towards the Republican, but not by much. Therefore, NO, it is NOT highly likely that a random senior would be MAGA.

We don't even know the Op is a woman. But we do know that age is correlated with MAGA.

Between the rest of the OP's post, the reference to conservatism, and the disappearing act in the thread, this is a highly likely explanation.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

[Anonymous]

Land the plane.

You can no longer choreograph her life.

They will meet your daughter. If their son loves her, they will probably make an effort to welcome her.

The rest is out of your hands.

And this will play out as it should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did so many people go from OP saying the parents were conservative in some areas to assuming they’re crazy MAGA. Surely people know many people who may have been raised in a conservative home but aren’t remotely MAGA.

Also, why do so many people seem ok with the DD acting over the top and outrageous. Whether the parents share the same political beliefs or not, shouldn’t people exercise some sort of good manners upon meeting anyone for the first time? No one is saying the daughter shouldn’t feel comfortable answering or asking questions honestly. But she sounds kind of rude.

I don't know anyone that would still describe themselves as "conservative" that isn't MAGA. At least, not without immediately and explicitly distancing themselves from MAGA when using the "conservative" term.

OP is describing them as conservative. Who knows how the parents would describe themselves. Sure, they could be MAGA. But they also might go to church, or have rules that are stricter than OP.

Posters are making wild jumps.

[Anonymous]

This thread is overrun by trolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As Mel Robbins would say, “Let them.” This isn’t your issue to deal with. Presumably the BF has seen this side of your daughter and is comfortable introducing her to his parents.

Just so you know, Mel Robbins did not come up with that term, but she sure made a lot of money off of using someone else’s idea.

Whose idea was it? Genuinely asking.

It was a poem written by Cassie Phillips in 2022, several years before the books. It went viral on social media and people even got let them tattoos. Mel claims she heard about the idea from her daughter (who had read the poem) but Mel claims she didn’t know about the poem just liked the idea she heard from her daughter.
https://www.cassie-phillips.com/
Let Them ~ by Cassie Phillips

Just Let them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.
If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.
If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.
Let them lose you.
You were never theirs because you were always your own.
So let them.
Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.
Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.
Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.
Let them earn your forgiveness.
Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.
Let them take you out on a Thursday.
Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.
Let them have a safe place in you.
Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.
Let them love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter is a rude loudmouth with no filter or sense of decorum? Maybe you should have addressed this before age 22.

First, I think post was written by AI.

Fake post.

If true, parent should have taught child to be polite. Now she will learn the hard way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter is a rude loudmouth with no filter or sense of decorum? Maybe you should have addressed this before age 22.

First, I think post was written by AI.

Fake post.

If true, parent should have taught child to be polite. Now she will learn the hard way.

I think it might be a troll post, too, although it isn't creative enough to be AI-generated.

However, if it is true, I think it is the BF and his parents who will learn the hard lesson. The sins of the father.

She's not the only GF who will be rooting out the MAGAs in this environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter is a rude loudmouth with no filter or sense of decorum? Maybe you should have addressed this before age 22.

First, I think post was written by AI.

Fake post.

If true, parent should have taught child to be polite. Now she will learn the hard way.

I think it might be a troll post, too, although it isn't creative enough to be AI-generated.

However, if it is true, I think it is the BF and his parents who will learn the hard lesson. The sins of the father.

She's not the only GF who will be rooting out the MAGAs in this environment.

It will be a dodged bullet on both sides.