DD meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time, we are both REALLY worried

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

[Anonymous]

I think this thread had a no doubt enjoyable but diversionary detour into MAGA.

Sometimes "conservative" might mean religious or no off color language, etc. So if to break the ice DD leaps into a story about how her farts smelled so bad people thought she shit her pants, the BF family might not take it well as opposed to saying damn that's funny.

She needs to learn when to use her impulse control. Assuming she is NT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter is a rude loudmouth with no filter or sense of decorum? Maybe you should have addressed this before age 22.

First, I think post was written by AI.

Fake post.

If true, parent should have taught child to be polite. Now she will learn the hard way.

I think it might be a troll post, too, although it isn't creative enough to be AI-generated.

However, if it is true, I think it is the BF and his parents who will learn the hard lesson. The sins of the father.

She's not the only GF who will be rooting out the MAGAs in this environment.

It will be a dodged bullet on both sides.

Too soon. The Charlie fanatics will cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this thread had a no doubt enjoyable but diversionary detour into MAGA.

Sometimes "conservative" might mean religious or no off color language, etc. So if to break the ice DD leaps into a story about how her farts smelled so bad people thought she shit her pants, the BF family might not take it well as opposed to saying damn that's funny.

She needs to learn when to use her impulse control. Assuming she is NT.

"Conservative" hasn't meant that to most people since 2016. The remaining dropped it after January 6. It's now accepted as a dog whistle for MAGA. No one is going to call themselves conservative unless they're trying to associate themselves or others with Trump.

It's true that the Op, if they're not a troll, wouldn't necessarily know if they're MAGA. But the OP thinks they are. Otherwise they wouldn't have used "conservative." They would have used something like "traditional" or "religious" instead.

The lack of a response from the Op effectively confirms that. They know most people on Dcum aren't welcoming to MAGAs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.

Why treat someone you don’t respect with politeness? They are worthless right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.

You are addressing two posters as one fwiw. That being said, how do you stay polite while signaling disrespect, concretely speaking in this sort of first meeting situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.

Why treat someone you don’t respect with politeness? They are worthless right?

You don't know their worth yet.

I'm polite to cats and dogs, too. I wouldn't use the term "respect" to describe my relationship with them. At least, I think that's venturing into a very different notion of "respect."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.

You are addressing two posters as one fwiw. That being said, how do you stay polite while signaling disrespect, concretely speaking in this sort of first meeting situation?

I'm not saying you to "signal disrespect." Where did you get that idea from?

Though, I do think some old people believe young people are disrespectful when they don't act deferential. It's absurd, but old people think they should be able to spout all kinds of crazy nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.

Why treat someone you don’t respect with politeness? They are worthless right?

You don't know their worth yet.

I'm polite to cats and dogs, too. I wouldn't use the term "respect" to describe my relationship with them. At least, I think that's venturing into a very different notion of "respect."

So if you don’t their worth, again, why be polite? Let them earn it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.

You are addressing two posters as one fwiw. That being said, how do you stay polite while signaling disrespect, concretely speaking in this sort of first meeting situation?

I'm not saying you to "signal disrespect." Where did you get that idea from?

Though, I do think some old people believe young people are disrespectful when they don't act deferential. It's absurd, but old people think they should be able to spout all kinds of crazy nonsense.

From your need to distinguish politeness from respect in this sort of scenario. The difference would only be outwardly known if expressing disrespect. In reality we all treat people we do not respect with respect all the time and they are none the wiser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.

Why treat someone you don’t respect with politeness? They are worthless right?

I'm kind of shocked your parents didn't teach you about still being polite even if you don't respect someone.

I met Dick Cheney once and thanked him for his service in the government. I didn't respect him, but I was taught to be polite in such situations. (And I genuinely meant it- as awful of a human being as he was, I do think he thought he was doing the right thing. His heart was just two sizes too small. Until it was replaced with a machine, at least.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.

Why treat someone you don’t respect with politeness? They are worthless right?

I'm kind of shocked your parents didn't teach you about still being polite even if you don't respect someone.

I met Dick Cheney once and thanked him for his service in the government. I didn't respect him, but I was taught to be polite in such situations. (And I genuinely meant it- as awful of a human being as he was, I do think he thought he was doing the right thing. His heart was just two sizes too small. Until it was replaced with a machine, at least.)

Being polite is a way of showing respect. You’re subscribing to a very narrow definition of respect that most people don’t. You were being respectful but refuse to call it such.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.

You are addressing two posters as one fwiw. That being said, how do you stay polite while signaling disrespect, concretely speaking in this sort of first meeting situation?

I'm not saying you to "signal disrespect." Where did you get that idea from?

Though, I do think some old people believe young people are disrespectful when they don't act deferential. It's absurd, but old people think they should be able to spout all kinds of crazy nonsense.

From your need to distinguish politeness from respect in this sort of scenario. The difference would only be outwardly known if expressing disrespect. In reality we all treat people we do not respect with respect all the time and they are none the wiser.

You're being obtuse by changing the term and definition. When you're told to respect your elders, do you think that's intended to mean "be polite"? i.e., do whatever you want to your peers, but be nice to the olds.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age.

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.

Why treat someone you don’t respect with politeness? They are worthless right?

I'm kind of shocked your parents didn't teach you about still being polite even if you don't respect someone.

I met Dick Cheney once and thanked him for his service in the government. I didn't respect him, but I was taught to be polite in such situations. (And I genuinely meant it- as awful of a human being as he was, I do think he thought he was doing the right thing. His heart was just two sizes too small. Until it was replaced with a machine, at least.)

Being polite is a way of showing respect. You’re subscribing to a very narrow definition of respect that most people don’t. You were being respectful but refuse to call it such.

Again, you're using a different term. "Showing respect" has a different than actually respecting someone. "Showing respect" is basically synonymous with "politeness."

The english language is tough, but you'll get there someday.