DD meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time, we are both REALLY worried

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD will have a learning experience.

If she goes on a job interview and says "wow you are SO pregnant you look like you will pop" then that has consequences. It's not "speaking her mind" on an issue, it's rude, crude, self sabotaging.

If she gets a job and says things to get attention she will create a toxic environment and get canned.

Times are changing, boomer. Your kind isn't doing the interviews anymore.

Ha ha read the touched my butt thread. Boomers are more relaxed about some things than other generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Not any more

Show me your maga you get zero respect

There is zero tolerance for the anti American anti vaccine anti brains sub human racists

Exactly. Old people need to at least demonstrate they're not MAGA before having any hope of gaining respect.

[Anonymous]

OP is REALLY worried.

This means her daughter is beyond the realm of normal behavior and has not responded to typical parenting.

To me this screams autism with social anxiety. It's such a typical combo for women on the spectrum. The young adult can't help say this stuff but also and at the same time, is aware that something what they say backfires significantly, and yet in the moment, their different brain structure does not allow them to put the brakes on.

That's how I read it. OP, if you've already talked to your child about adhering to a certain standard of etiquette, it's time to bring in an experienced therapist. The talk about the Golden Rule doesn't necessarily work for autistic people, because often they don't mind being treated like they treat others. You daughter might benefit from a therapist who understands social anxiety in young autistic women.

- parent of autistic teens.

[Anonymous]

^ sometimes, not something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD will have a learning experience.

If she goes on a job interview and says "wow you are SO pregnant you look like you will pop" then that has consequences. It's not "speaking her mind" on an issue, it's rude, crude, self sabotaging.

If she gets a job and says things to get attention she will create a toxic environment and get canned.

Times are changing, boomer. Your kind isn't doing the interviews anymore.

Ha ha read the touched my butt thread. Boomers are more relaxed about some things than other generations.

Nah, plenty of posters there acknowledged that people would ostracize her if she jumped to a SA accusation under those circumstances. I bet it was otherwise sock puppeting from 2-3 posters.

[Anonymous]

When I say my parents are conservative, I don’t mean politically. They’ve always voted democrat. But they are conservative in behavior/ they would never go to a demonstration, wear attention-grabbing clothes, be loud, say anything wild. They’re kind of bland. Their home decor is bland. They would never play Cards Against Humanity, but would happily play Monopoly. Chinese food is fine, but sushi is a stretch. You see? Conservative. Not MAGA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can both be true that these parents are too fussy/conservative and that DD needs to develop a filter.

I agree with that. I just disagree with the notion that this is a good time to apply that filter. She should be very direct with the intent of getting direct responses back. MAGAs know their beliefs are abhorrent to most educated individuals and will sometimes try to hide them when they will face unpleasant consequences.

PP and true, just considering OP's other examples I think DD needs to work on a filter. But I agree tolerating abhorrent beliefs is a firm no.

What examples? The always-pregnant mother? The crazy neighbor? Neither seems that bad if they're true.

Telling a new neighbor to their face that they're "so insane" is really not normal behavior. If your new neighbor is actually insane (which isn't established here) you develop the smile, nod, and avoid tactic. You don't poke bears.

That's not healthy at all. If they're crazy, you should say so.

Why do you think that? How do you think that would make life better at all?

Calling people crazy definitely doesn't make your life better. If the person is actually crazy it can result in them getting aggressive with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can both be true that these parents are too fussy/conservative and that DD needs to develop a filter.

I agree with that. I just disagree with the notion that this is a good time to apply that filter. She should be very direct with the intent of getting direct responses back. MAGAs know their beliefs are abhorrent to most educated individuals and will sometimes try to hide them when they will face unpleasant consequences.

PP and true, just considering OP's other examples I think DD needs to work on a filter. But I agree tolerating abhorrent beliefs is a firm no.

What examples? The always-pregnant mother? The crazy neighbor? Neither seems that bad if they're true.

Telling a new neighbor to their face that they're "so insane" is really not normal behavior. If your new neighbor is actually insane (which isn't established here) you develop the smile, nod, and avoid tactic. You don't poke bears.

That's not healthy at all. If they're crazy, you should say so.

Why? What is the point?

Normalizing crazy is a bad idea.

OP’s dd calling someone she just met crazy does not mean that person is actually crazy…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is REALLY worried.

This means her daughter is beyond the realm of normal behavior and has not responded to typical parenting.

To me this screams autism with social anxiety. It's such a typical combo for women on the spectrum. The young adult can't help say this stuff but also and at the same time, is aware that something what they say backfires significantly, and yet in the moment, their different brain structure does not allow them to put the brakes on.

That's how I read it. OP, if you've already talked to your child about adhering to a certain standard of etiquette, it's time to bring in an experienced therapist. The talk about the Golden Rule doesn't necessarily work for autistic people, because often they don't mind being treated like they treat others. You daughter might benefit from a therapist who understands social anxiety in young autistic women.

- parent of autistic teens.

Or it means the OP is compensating for something else, like being MAGA herself.

The fact that the OP disappeared is a pretty clear sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can both be true that these parents are too fussy/conservative and that DD needs to develop a filter.

I agree with that. I just disagree with the notion that this is a good time to apply that filter. She should be very direct with the intent of getting direct responses back. MAGAs know their beliefs are abhorrent to most educated individuals and will sometimes try to hide them when they will face unpleasant consequences.

PP and true, just considering OP's other examples I think DD needs to work on a filter. But I agree tolerating abhorrent beliefs is a firm no.

What examples? The always-pregnant mother? The crazy neighbor? Neither seems that bad if they're true.

Telling a new neighbor to their face that they're "so insane" is really not normal behavior. If your new neighbor is actually insane (which isn't established here) you develop the smile, nod, and avoid tactic. You don't poke bears.

That's not healthy at all. If they're crazy, you should say so.

Why? What is the point?

Normalizing crazy is a bad idea.

OP’s dd calling someone she just met crazy does not mean that person is actually crazy…

Sure, but you don't know the neighbor isn't crazy, either. Even the op didn't dispute it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I say my parents are conservative, I don’t mean politically. They’ve always voted democrat. But they are conservative in behavior/ they would never go to a demonstration, wear attention-grabbing clothes, be loud, say anything wild. They’re kind of bland. Their home decor is bland. They would never play Cards Against Humanity, but would happily play Monopoly. Chinese food is fine, but sushi is a stretch. You see? Conservative. Not MAGA.

Sounds like a lot of judgmental stuff for perfectly normal people. None of this indicates them being difficult, mean or tough to talk to at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can both be true that these parents are too fussy/conservative and that DD needs to develop a filter.

I agree with that. I just disagree with the notion that this is a good time to apply that filter. She should be very direct with the intent of getting direct responses back. MAGAs know their beliefs are abhorrent to most educated individuals and will sometimes try to hide them when they will face unpleasant consequences.

PP and true, just considering OP's other examples I think DD needs to work on a filter. But I agree tolerating abhorrent beliefs is a firm no.

What examples? The always-pregnant mother? The crazy neighbor? Neither seems that bad if they're true.

Telling a new neighbor to their face that they're "so insane" is really not normal behavior. If your new neighbor is actually insane (which isn't established here) you develop the smile, nod, and avoid tactic. You don't poke bears.

That's not healthy at all. If they're crazy, you should say so.

Why? What is the point?

Normalizing crazy is a bad idea.

OP’s dd calling someone she just met crazy does not mean that person is actually crazy…

Sure, but you don't know the neighbor isn't crazy, either. Even the op didn't dispute it.

Don’t antagonize new neighbors based on one conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is REALLY worried.

This means her daughter is beyond the realm of normal behavior and has not responded to typical parenting.

To me this screams autism with social anxiety. It's such a typical combo for women on the spectrum. The young adult can't help say this stuff but also and at the same time, is aware that something what they say backfires significantly, and yet in the moment, their different brain structure does not allow them to put the brakes on.

That's how I read it. OP, if you've already talked to your child about adhering to a certain standard of etiquette, it's time to bring in an experienced therapist. The talk about the Golden Rule doesn't necessarily work for autistic people, because often they don't mind being treated like they treat others. You daughter might benefit from a therapist who understands social anxiety in young autistic women.

- parent of autistic teens.

Or it means the OP is compensating for something else, like being MAGA herself.

The fact that the OP disappeared is a pretty clear sign.

OK now you're crazy. Stop polluting the thread.