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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that.  I think most men are okay with that though.  If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine.  I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.  [/quote]

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour. [/quote]

You can’t imagine it?    [/quote]

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life? [/quote]

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life.  But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+.  Erections wax and wane.  It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.  
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Like I said, we are happy.  No need to further examine what we do.[/quote]

It’s not about what you do.  It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up.  But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long?  Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later?  This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.  
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I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.[/quote]

I just wanted to point out that it’s possible to get excited by your spouse.  Sex doesn’t have to be a quickie that takes place after you are pre-heated by something else.  You can have both in a long marriage, and I think most people do.

I’m not sure why you started this whole thing with how bizarre and unimaginable it is to get turned on during sex.

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DP. Why are you so invested in this stranger’s sex life? Go on and life your best life. Why does that poster’s life or reaction cause you such discomfort?[/quote]

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