Returned Home with Some Disturbing Stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your DC been raised in a church? What have you done as a parent to instill morals?

+1. Sounds like she needs to learn to be a better judge of picking friends

[Anonymous]

I wish OP posted the camp name. This EXACT thing happened to my daughter last year at Camp Louise except my kid was the victim. She didn’t get sent home, and did make it through but only because we did not know about the severity until after. We will never recommend that camp to anyone ever again. It is a real shame because it was consistently incredible for decades. I believe the staff and directors seem very naive about relational aggression in girls. My daughter had kept a journal the whole time and swears one day she is going to write a teen novel about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish OP posted the camp name. This EXACT thing happened to my daughter last year at Camp Louise except my kid was the victim. She didn’t get sent home, and did make it through but only because we did not know about the severity until after. We will never recommend that camp to anyone ever again. It is a real shame because it was consistently incredible for decades. I believe the staff and directors seem very naive about relational aggression in girls. My daughter had kept a journal the whole time and swears one day she is going to write a teen novel about it.

Single gender environments like Camp Louise (all girl) really do amp up the relational aggression in girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this a Jewish camp? I ask because I saw someone in a Jewish moms group post about bullying at camp.

What group was this? My dd experienced bullying at a Jewish camp this summer and I’d be curious to see what was said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to call the director but not ask too many leading questions. Just ask about a potential bullying incident and go from there.

I wouldn't even use the word bullying. I'd just say that you learned a kid that your kid knew went home early, and was there anything you needed to be aware of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piling shame on OP is disgusting.

Kid's make mistakes. Sounds like the camp made mistakes too. Get the full story, then talk to your child. Seperate from the other mean girls, at least temporarily. Allow your daughter to grow and learn.

+1.

Lots of girls gang up on other girls and tell them to kill themselves. It’s just a normal part of childhood.

No it's not there's something very wrong with children who participate in this behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your DC been raised in a church? What have you done as a parent to instill morals?

Lol. Some of the biggest bullies are church goers.

[Anonymous]

Also what is wrong with you people suggesting her daughter should volunteer with special needs or be friends with quiet kids so she can feel better. You are so missing the mark.

[Anonymous]

With all the anti bullying programs in school your 14 year old daughter knew what she was doing was wrong.and kids almost always minimize their involvement in any situation so guaranteed she did more than she claimed and what they said and did was far worse than she has admitted.
Some combination of a loss of privileges like phone, social media, sleepovers, hanging out with these friends seems appropriate for the immediate future. Therapy maybe.

You aren't going to get much from the camp they want this to go away and you probably do as well if the parents decide to sue loosing her phone will be the least of your problems. Judges really don't like brats who tell kids to commit suicide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our youngest just returned home from sleepaway camp. Something was off immediately. She’s been there for years, it’s a very reputable all-girls camp and we have only heard positive. However this year, she came home and was in tears over whether or not we were called by the director, and if I heard “what happened,” and worried about whether she and her friends will be allowed to come back. We did not hear a peep from camp staff.

The most I can make sense of is that a girl left early due to some pretty serious bullying, and my daughter definitely seems less than innocent in it all and now quite remorseful. She claims she was mostly a bystander, but the few things she’s shared are horrible (a long time friends of hers telling the girl that she should go kill herself, telling her she shouldn’t eat because she is fat just to mess with her because she wasn’t fat at all, and the list goes on). What can I do to get her talking to someone and make sure she can take the steps necessary to learn from this and hopefully repair with who she hurt? Is there a therapist that specializes in this? Should the camp have told us if a girl was bullied so bad she had to go home especially if my kid was bullying? I’m wondering if we even bother sending her back. I’m honestly so ashamed and embarrassed.

I’m sorry you are having to navigate this, OP. I’m wishing you and DD peace and as good an outcome as possible for all here.

To every other parent out there: the part in bold? It is commonplace on your children’s social media. What the OP described? It should not shock you; it’s what kids do to each other now, because they have access to social.

It is far easier to say to another child “you should kill yourself,” when it is not face to face. Use Snapchat, and you are unlikely to get caught. Yes, I fully realize in OP’s case it likely was said to her face-to-face. But,

- kids are learning this through social media use. It is not like it was when you were a teen / tween.

I’m pretty sure we all know that. What is your point?

OP circling back. Actually no, I did not know that. I had no idea that it is common for kids to tell each other to kill themselves. I am obviously embarking on a huge overhaul of social media and cell phone usage. I think my husband and I are recognizing we have been incredibly naive and too hands off in the connections our child is making. She is definitely not going back. And I am heartbroken for this girl who got targeted, who from what I am now finding out, was from what it sounds like a perfectly kind and sweet new kid to camp at an age where most kids are not new to camp. My daughter said that it was so bad the camp tried moving the girl to a different bunk a week in, but that the girl left the next day anyways. This camp NEVER changes bunks so I am guessing without even hearing back yet from director that it was bad. Currently making my daughter come up with an apology letter, and waiting to decide how forthcoming to be with the camp.

It’s not common at all for a girl to tell another girl to go kill herself. It happens but it’s not common. It’s usually much milder than that. That’s a vicious girl your daughter is friends with.

It sounds like your daughter came back worried about herself and felt nothing for the girl who was bullied.

Hopefully you can work on empathy with her. A lot of parents don’t think to talk about bullying to their teens and that’s a problem. It has to start early on and repetitive. It’s not too late.

My daughter starting in elementary school was a clothes horse. I always reminded her that most kids don’t care what they wear and it’s not a big deal. If someone wears the same Jeans everyday that’s their choice. In high school it was noted by a few teachers who said that she stood up to kids who were making fun of another kid. Boy or girl it didn’t matter she would tell them to stop and they did.

There’s hope for your daughter, just talk about it frequently. Why did she think her friend was such a mean person? What were you thinking when,the new girl was obviously upset. What did you get out of bullying?

It is EXTREMELY common for kids to tell other kids to kill themselves through social media (especially SnapChat).

So common.

Correct. The term is "KYS".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With all the anti bullying programs in school your 14 year old daughter knew what she was doing was wrong.and kids almost always minimize their involvement in any situation so guaranteed she did more than she claimed and what they said and did was far worse than she has admitted.
Some combination of a loss of privileges like phone, social media, sleepovers, hanging out with these friends seems appropriate for the immediate future. Therapy maybe.

You aren't going to get much from the camp they want this to go away and you probably do as well if the parents decide to sue loosing her phone will be the least of your problems. Judges really don't like brats who tell kids to commit suicide.

Did OP say how old her DD is?

[Anonymous]

She should immediately write a letter of apology to the girl she bullied. Or call her or text her, whatever. It is important that she apologize profusely to that girl and tell her how wrong she was.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully, she doesn’t have the victim’s contact info.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is a bully. Hope you are proud!

[Anonymous]

If your kid tells another person to kill herself and the other person goes through with it you and your child could be facing criminal and civil charges depending on the circumstances. This is not normal. Your daughter and the other bullies should have been kicked out of camp but, like so many things, it’s a business and at the end of the day about making money.