Returned Home with Some Disturbing Stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should immediately write a letter of apology to the girl she bullied. Or call her or text her, whatever. It is important that she apologize profusely to that girl and tell her how wrong she was.

No, it is actually important that she not speak to that girl unless the girl herself requests some kind of reconciliation.

The apology you are talking about is a punishment for OP's daughter, not any kind of repair with the girl who was bullied.

I support an essay of some kind reflecting on what was wrong about the situation and what OP's daughter should have done / should do if she's in the situation again, but all these suggestions about contacting the girl who was bullied or her parents directly are tonedeaf. If your bully daughter called my traumatized child to apologize, I'd have a pretty hard time not telling her to take her bully friends' terrible advice and hanging up, and I'd absolutely wonder what kind of parent allows a bully to call their victim with a pretend apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter to befriend a quiet girl at school and invite her out to do something.

This will help empower her a bit.

Why? OP DD actively participated in bullying for the fun of it. She is shedding crocodile tears now that she thinks she’s been caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kid tells another person to kill herself and the other person goes through with it you and your child could be facing criminal and civil charges depending on the circumstances. This is not normal. Your daughter and the other bullies should have been kicked out of camp but, like so many things, it’s a business and at the end of the day about making money.

On social media, the abbreviation is “KYS.”

Meaning: when one child snaps or texts or DMs another child “KYS,” it means: “kill yourself.”

It’s common, PP. were you not aware it’s common among tweens and teens ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid tells another person to kill herself and the other person goes through with it you and your child could be facing criminal and civil charges depending on the circumstances. This is not normal. Your daughter and the other bullies should have been kicked out of camp but, like so many things, it’s a business and at the end of the day about making money.

On social media, the abbreviation is “KYS.”

Meaning: when one child snaps or texts or DMs another child “KYS,” it means: “kill yourself.”

It’s common, PP. were you not aware it’s common among tweens and teens ?

Yes, that was already explained upthread.

Do you think it’s ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should immediately write a letter of apology to the girl she bullied. Or call her or text her, whatever. It is important that she apologize profusely to that girl and tell her how wrong she was.

No, it is actually important that she not speak to that girl unless the girl herself requests some kind of reconciliation.

The apology you are talking about is a punishment for OP's daughter, not any kind of repair with the girl who was bullied.

I support an essay of some kind reflecting on what was wrong about the situation and what OP's daughter should have done / should do if she's in the situation again, but all these suggestions about contacting the girl who was bullied or her parents directly are tonedeaf. If your bully daughter called my traumatized child to apologize, I'd have a pretty hard time not telling her to take her bully friends' terrible advice and hanging up, and I'd absolutely wonder what kind of parent allows a bully to call their victim with a pretend apology.

I'm sorry, but it's important to say you're sorry, like it or not, sincere or not. OF COURSE she has to apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid tells another person to kill herself and the other person goes through with it you and your child could be facing criminal and civil charges depending on the circumstances. This is not normal. Your daughter and the other bullies should have been kicked out of camp but, like so many things, it’s a business and at the end of the day about making money.

On social media, the abbreviation is “KYS.”

Meaning: when one child snaps or texts or DMs another child “KYS,” it means: “kill yourself.”

It’s common, PP. were you not aware it’s common among tweens and teens ?

Yes, that was already explained upthread.

Do you think it’s ok?

Well people say "Go F yourself" all the time. Do you think the recipients do it? Come on, it's just words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter to befriend a quiet girl at school and invite her out to do something.

This will help empower her a bit.

Please don’t inflict OPs potentially dangerous daughter on anyone else’s quiet child!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid tells another person to kill herself and the other person goes through with it you and your child could be facing criminal and civil charges depending on the circumstances. This is not normal. Your daughter and the other bullies should have been kicked out of camp but, like so many things, it’s a business and at the end of the day about making money.

On social media, the abbreviation is “KYS.”

Meaning: when one child snaps or texts or DMs another child “KYS,” it means: “kill yourself.”

It’s common, PP. were you not aware it’s common among tweens and teens ?

Yes, that was already explained upthread.

Do you think it’s ok?

Well people say "Go F yourself" all the time. Do you think the recipients do it? Come on, it's just words.

Oh my god. You really think a child who is being bullied in this way is just going to be able the shrug it off? What color is the sky in your world? Because in this one, kids who have been told to kill the selves on SM and in person by bullies have actually killed themselves.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should immediately write a letter of apology to the girl she bullied. Or call her or text her, whatever. It is important that she apologize profusely to that girl and tell her how wrong she was.

No, it is actually important that she not speak to that girl unless the girl herself requests some kind of reconciliation.

The apology you are talking about is a punishment for OP's daughter, not any kind of repair with the girl who was bullied.

I support an essay of some kind reflecting on what was wrong about the situation and what OP's daughter should have done / should do if she's in the situation again, but all these suggestions about contacting the girl who was bullied or her parents directly are tonedeaf. If your bully daughter called my traumatized child to apologize, I'd have a pretty hard time not telling her to take her bully friends' terrible advice and hanging up, and I'd absolutely wonder what kind of parent allows a bully to call their victim with a pretend apology.

I'm sorry, but it's important to say you're sorry, like it or not, sincere or not. OF COURSE she has to apologize.

Maybe it would be good for the bully to apologize. But in this situation, the bully is not as important as the victim. The victim’s feelings and mental well-being have top priority. You don’t impose an apology - esp if it might be insincere - on the victim. That is victimizing them again. It’s selfish.

The bully needs to find another way to feel better about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid tells another person to kill herself and the other person goes through with it you and your child could be facing criminal and civil charges depending on the circumstances. This is not normal. Your daughter and the other bullies should have been kicked out of camp but, like so many things, it’s a business and at the end of the day about making money.

On social media, the abbreviation is “KYS.”

Meaning: when one child snaps or texts or DMs another child “KYS,” it means: “kill yourself.”

It’s common, PP. were you not aware it’s common among tweens and teens ?

Yes, that was already explained upthread.

Do you think it’s ok?

Well people say "Go F yourself" all the time. Do you think the recipients do it? Come on, it's just words.

Oh my god. You really think a child who is being bullied in this way is just going to be able the shrug it off? What color is the sky in your world? Because in this one, kids who have been told to kill the selves on SM and in person by bullies have actually killed themselves.

Thoughts?

They are killing themselves because they are being bullied, not because the bully told them to kill themselves. Social media seems to be much more powerful than bullying IRL for some reason. I don't understand why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should immediately write a letter of apology to the girl she bullied. Or call her or text her, whatever. It is important that she apologize profusely to that girl and tell her how wrong she was.

No, it is actually important that she not speak to that girl unless the girl herself requests some kind of reconciliation.

The apology you are talking about is a punishment for OP's daughter, not any kind of repair with the girl who was bullied.

I support an essay of some kind reflecting on what was wrong about the situation and what OP's daughter should have done / should do if she's in the situation again, but all these suggestions about contacting the girl who was bullied or her parents directly are tonedeaf. If your bully daughter called my traumatized child to apologize, I'd have a pretty hard time not telling her to take her bully friends' terrible advice and hanging up, and I'd absolutely wonder what kind of parent allows a bully to call their victim with a pretend apology.

I'm sorry, but it's important to say you're sorry, like it or not, sincere or not. OF COURSE she has to apologize.

Maybe it would be good for the bully to apologize. But in this situation, the bully is not as important as the victim. The victim’s feelings and mental well-being have top priority. You don’t impose an apology - esp if it might be insincere - on the victim. That is victimizing them again. It’s selfish.

The bully needs to find another way to feel better about themselves.

This is way too intellectual. In our society people apologize for wrongdoing. That's what we do. It takes years of practice, which is why we force children to do it. Hopefully by the time they're adults they do it with sincerity. In they meantime, they do it because they have to. The flip side of the coin is learning to accept an apology. Without those two things, there is no hope for society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should immediately write a letter of apology to the girl she bullied. Or call her or text her, whatever. It is important that she apologize profusely to that girl and tell her how wrong she was.

No, it is actually important that she not speak to that girl unless the girl herself requests some kind of reconciliation.

The apology you are talking about is a punishment for OP's daughter, not any kind of repair with the girl who was bullied.

I support an essay of some kind reflecting on what was wrong about the situation and what OP's daughter should have done / should do if she's in the situation again, but all these suggestions about contacting the girl who was bullied or her parents directly are tonedeaf. If your bully daughter called my traumatized child to apologize, I'd have a pretty hard time not telling her to take her bully friends' terrible advice and hanging up, and I'd absolutely wonder what kind of parent allows a bully to call their victim with a pretend apology.

I'm sorry, but it's important to say you're sorry, like it or not, sincere or not. OF COURSE she has to apologize.

Maybe it would be good for the bully to apologize. But in this situation, the bully is not as important as the victim. The victim’s feelings and mental well-being have top priority. You don’t impose an apology - esp if it might be insincere - on the victim. That is victimizing them again. It’s selfish.

The bully needs to find another way to feel better about themselves.

This is way too intellectual. In our society people apologize for wrongdoing. That's what we do. It takes years of practice, which is why we force children to do it. Hopefully by the time they're adults they do it with sincerity. In they meantime, they do it because they have to. The flip side of the coin is learning to accept an apology. Without those two things, there is no hope for society.

So you would force the victim to interact with someone who told her to kill herself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should immediately write a letter of apology to the girl she bullied. Or call her or text her, whatever. It is important that she apologize profusely to that girl and tell her how wrong she was.

No, it is actually important that she not speak to that girl unless the girl herself requests some kind of reconciliation.

The apology you are talking about is a punishment for OP's daughter, not any kind of repair with the girl who was bullied.

I support an essay of some kind reflecting on what was wrong about the situation and what OP's daughter should have done / should do if she's in the situation again, but all these suggestions about contacting the girl who was bullied or her parents directly are tonedeaf. If your bully daughter called my traumatized child to apologize, I'd have a pretty hard time not telling her to take her bully friends' terrible advice and hanging up, and I'd absolutely wonder what kind of parent allows a bully to call their victim with a pretend apology.

I'm sorry, but it's important to say you're sorry, like it or not, sincere or not. OF COURSE she has to apologize.

Maybe it would be good for the bully to apologize. But in this situation, the bully is not as important as the victim. The victim’s feelings and mental well-being have top priority. You don’t impose an apology - esp if it might be insincere - on the victim. That is victimizing them again. It’s selfish.

The bully needs to find another way to feel better about themselves.

This is way too intellectual. In our society people apologize for wrongdoing. That's what we do. It takes years of practice, which is why we force children to do it. Hopefully by the time they're adults they do it with sincerity. In the meantime, they do it because they have to. The flip side of the coin is learning to accept an apology. Without those two things, there is no hope for society.

Actually, your argument is overly intellectual. You argue about the good of society. Well, this is about one child, who was bullied so badly she had to leave camp. This is about her feelings, not some greater good argument.

BTW, why is always the victim who has to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should immediately write a letter of apology to the girl she bullied. Or call her or text her, whatever. It is important that she apologize profusely to that girl and tell her how wrong she was.

No, it is actually important that she not speak to that girl unless the girl herself requests some kind of reconciliation.

The apology you are talking about is a punishment for OP's daughter, not any kind of repair with the girl who was bullied.

I support an essay of some kind reflecting on what was wrong about the situation and what OP's daughter should have done / should do if she's in the situation again, but all these suggestions about contacting the girl who was bullied or her parents directly are tonedeaf. If your bully daughter called my traumatized child to apologize, I'd have a pretty hard time not telling her to take her bully friends' terrible advice and hanging up, and I'd absolutely wonder what kind of parent allows a bully to call their victim with a pretend apology.

I'm sorry, but it's important to say you're sorry, like it or not, sincere or not. OF COURSE she has to apologize.

Maybe it would be good for the bully to apologize. But in this situation, the bully is not as important as the victim. The victim’s feelings and mental well-being have top priority. You don’t impose an apology - esp if it might be insincere - on the victim. That is victimizing them again. It’s selfish.

The bully needs to find another way to feel better about themselves.

This is way too intellectual. In our society people apologize for wrongdoing. That's what we do. It takes years of practice, which is why we force children to do it. Hopefully by the time they're adults they do it with sincerity. In they meantime, they do it because they have to. The flip side of the coin is learning to accept an apology. Without those two things, there is no hope for society.

So you would force the victim to interact with someone who told her to kill herself?

If they were there to apologize,of course. Would you rather they immortalize their feelings, write the story in stone instead of seeing their bully as a contrite human being? How is that healthy? Yes, let the bully apologize. Don't mythologize them in the victim's eyes. It's like this is a PR thread for the therapy industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should immediately write a letter of apology to the girl she bullied. Or call her or text her, whatever. It is important that she apologize profusely to that girl and tell her how wrong she was.

No, it is actually important that she not speak to that girl unless the girl herself requests some kind of reconciliation.

The apology you are talking about is a punishment for OP's daughter, not any kind of repair with the girl who was bullied.

I support an essay of some kind reflecting on what was wrong about the situation and what OP's daughter should have done / should do if she's in the situation again, but all these suggestions about contacting the girl who was bullied or her parents directly are tonedeaf. If your bully daughter called my traumatized child to apologize, I'd have a pretty hard time not telling her to take her bully friends' terrible advice and hanging up, and I'd absolutely wonder what kind of parent allows a bully to call their victim with a pretend apology.

I'm sorry, but it's important to say you're sorry, like it or not, sincere or not. OF COURSE she has to apologize.

Maybe it would be good for the bully to apologize. But in this situation, the bully is not as important as the victim. The victim’s feelings and mental well-being have top priority. You don’t impose an apology - esp if it might be insincere - on the victim. That is victimizing them again. It’s selfish.

The bully needs to find another way to feel better about themselves.

This is way too intellectual. In our society people apologize for wrongdoing. That's what we do. It takes years of practice, which is why we force children to do it. Hopefully by the time they're adults they do it with sincerity. In the meantime, they do it because they have to. The flip side of the coin is learning to accept an apology. Without those two things, there is no hope for society.

Actually, your argument is overly intellectual. You argue about the good of society. Well, this is about one child, who was bullied so badly she had to leave camp. This is about her feelings, not some greater good argument.

BTW, why is always the victim who has to leave?

The victim wants to live in society, too. Bullying is painful because it ostracizes and isolates. You're actually claiming that allowing that is healthier than an actual interaction with the perpetrator which is on different ground and could be healing. Isolate at all costs!! Not a healthy approach.

Why do you think human beings invented the apology?