Son dating girl whose parents don’t allow her to date

[Anonymous]

Tharaki thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tharki thread

[Anonymous]

Inform the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

They won't allow her to date your son, it's often cultural so don't be offended. Don't get involved or your kid will blame you.

Funny, if Op's son were/is white and she said she did not want him dating someone who is Indian, you would call her a racist. It would not be cultural. What a F g joke.

Go learn about the history of the world and colonialism and structural racism and then come back with your foolishness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it. I was this girl in high school. Let her handle it.

+1 this was me and I'm also Indian American.

You don't have to straight up lie to her parents and pretend she's elsewhere at some group hangout or whatever. But if she's telling them a white lie, you don't need to get involved.

FYI my parents would never have allowed me to date in HS even if they met the other family and thought they were perfectly fine. So your heart is in the right place OP but this girl is navigating a fine line and I would let her be.

I wanted to add - in HS they definitely didn't want me dating but by college they sort of preferred the white lies / didn't need to know every detail since I wasn't living with them anyway. Now I'm married with kids, DH isn't Indian but they love him. Things get sorted out but teen years can be prickly for immigrants and their kids. This is really between the girl and her parents to figure out in terms of their rules and how she follows or pushes them.

+1. Another Indian-American, who grew up with very strict parents.

+2.

Indian and many Pakistani parents are extremely strict.

Pakistanis girls grow up to marry their own cousins. Its actually called "cousin marriage". Also they marry quite young. So the aim of Pakistani parents is not to curtail their teen's sex life, it is just to make sure that their DD gets married to some young man from the family or friend circle so that the DD's partner is someone the parent's approve of and it is all legal.

Indian families on the other hand do not want their kids to be interested in any sex, dating, romance - while in school.
In fact, the Indian parents approve of mental and physical sexual abstinence of their children through education years wholeheartedly. It is a matter of pride to have kids who are reaching all academic and EC milestones and usually this means that kids are too busy to date.

The first priority and complete attention of the children should be to get an excellent education and that should result in an amazing career. This is true of both girls and boys. Sex, romance, dating is seen as a distraction that derails the childrens future. Indian parents mostly do not deal with teen pregnancies, vaping, drug use, dating violence etc. They do not give an opportunity to their children for these dynamics to occur.

The calculus is very simple, the only thing that Indian kids can depend on is their education. As an adult, a good career will result in the solid financial and social standing that will enable them to have a successful personal life. The usual worry of having a socially isolated kid is not an issue because the one thing the Indian-American kid does not lack is social interaction in their personal life.

The girl is the problem in OP's original post. She is rebelling because of new hormones and the attention of the boy. She is probably also hanging out with other girls who are into boys, sex etc and she wants to be like them. She is influenced by her peer group. I blame her parents. They need to keep a closer eye on this girl.

Dude have you been to India in the last couple of decades?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tharaki thread

Scary for you, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

They won't allow her to date your son, it's often cultural so don't be offended. Don't get involved or your kid will blame you.

Funny, if Op's son were/is white and she said she did not want him dating someone who is Indian, you would call her a racist. It would not be cultural. What a F g joke.

Go learn about the history of the world and colonialism and structural racism and then come back with your foolishness

NP.

Was driving a car pool which included a Pakistani high school boy. Except he wasn’t really Pakistani, and his parents were born in California. But his grandparents were born in Pakistan and the boy is sent to Arabic school every Saturday.

Anyway, the boy said his parent would just kill him if he ever dated “a white girl.”

But sure, sure. I agree. It’s not racism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

They won't allow her to date your son, it's often cultural so don't be offended. Don't get involved or your kid will blame you.

Funny, if Op's son were/is white and she said she did not want him dating someone who is Indian, you would call her a racist. It would not be cultural. What a F g joke.

Go learn about the history of the world and colonialism and structural racism and then come back with your foolishness

NP.

Was driving a car pool which included a Pakistani high school boy. Except he wasn’t really Pakistani, and his parents were born in California. But his grandparents were born in Pakistan and the boy is sent to Arabic school every Saturday.

Anyway, the boy said his parent would just kill him if he ever dated “a white girl.”

But sure, sure. I agree. It’s not racism.

Pakistanis probably have more racially in common with Europeans than far Eastern Asians, but maybe you just meant the brown skin?

Likely the problem is cultural and religious differences as opposed to race as you are implying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate it if some white woman wanted me discuss my daughter's social life. I don't know you, i don't give F what you have to say. I don't know why you think this is okay.

Yeah OP is going to get a reality check if she gets involved with her parents.

Why is everyone assuming it’s a white woman? Could be anyone who’s not Indian.

Bc it’s usually the whites that want to “talk” and figure stuff out. Other cultures set rules and then don’t discuss them to death.

Are all Indians as racist as you?

I’m the person who wrote that post and I’m white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

They won't allow her to date your son, it's often cultural so don't be offended. Don't get involved or your kid will blame you.

Funny, if Op's son were/is white and she said she did not want him dating someone who is Indian, you would call her a racist. It would not be cultural. What a F g joke.

Go learn about the history of the world and colonialism and structural racism and then come back with your foolishness

OP's son isn't the local colonial governor.
He's dating an Indian in USA, so the only people colonizing in this story is the girlfriend's family.

There are a billion Indians so it sure isn't cultural genocide either.

Don't come back with your foolishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

They won't allow her to date your son, it's often cultural so don't be offended. Don't get involved or your kid will blame you.

Funny, if Op's son were/is white and she said she did not want him dating someone who is Indian, you would call her a racist. It would not be cultural. What a F g joke.

Go learn about the history of the world and colonialism and structural racism and then come back with your foolishness

OP's son isn't the local colonial governor.
He's dating an Indian in USA, so the only people colonizing in this story is the girlfriend's family.

There are a billion Indians so it sure isn't cultural genocide either.

Don't come back with your foolishness.

This girl's parents don't want her dating anyone in high school. It doesn't mean they're racist. Also, people forget how diverse the US is, especially this area. My kids have friends from all over the world, with lots of traditions. My cousins living in India only have friends from India. Sure, they are different religions, languages, etc., but there are not many immigrants, and people are familiar with the different sub-cultures. It's going to take a minute for recent immigrants to feel comfortable with very foreign (to them) cultures here, and there's also a fear for recent immigrants that they are losing their culture, as they see their kids assimilate. All of that to me is normal, and does not mean they're racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

They won't allow her to date your son, it's often cultural so don't be offended. Don't get involved or your kid will blame you.

Funny, if Op's son were/is white and she said she did not want him dating someone who is Indian, you would call her a racist. It would not be cultural. What a F g joke.

Go learn about the history of the world and colonialism and structural racism and then come back with your foolishness

NP.

Was driving a car pool which included a Pakistani high school boy. Except he wasn’t really Pakistani, and his parents were born in California. But his grandparents were born in Pakistan and the boy is sent to Arabic school every Saturday.

Anyway, the boy said his parent would just kill him if he ever dated “a white girl.”

But sure, sure. I agree. It’s not racism.

Pakistanis probably have more racially in common with Europeans than far Eastern Asians, but maybe you just meant the brown skin?

Likely the problem is cultural and religious differences as opposed to race as you are implying.

Agree w/ you about the cultural and religious differences. The Arabic language school was evidence. Arabic isn’t the native language but it is the language of thr Koran.

I highly doubt the parents would approve of marriage to any infidel.

[Anonymous]

This is really simple. Teach your son to interact with this girl within the parameters her parents have set. It’s fine if he doesn’t like her enough to do that - this has happened for eternity.

Please do not talk to her parents, and do not encourage your son to encourage her to lie to her own parents. Her family has rules - teach him to respect those rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

Why not try to “run cover” for the poor girl, so she can get away from her over-controlling parents a little?

Maybe help organize times during the day for them to get together, but she could tell her parents something plausible, like she’s going to the library?

What about convincing the parents that their daughter is just coming over for an hour to tutor your son in some academic subject, so they can have the date at your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

They won't allow her to date your son, it's often cultural so don't be offended. Don't get involved or your kid will blame you.

Funny, if Op's son were/is white and she said she did not want him dating someone who is Indian, you would call her a racist. It would not be cultural. What a F g joke.

Go learn about the history of the world and colonialism and structural racism and then come back with your foolishness

OP's son isn't the local colonial governor.
He's dating an Indian in USA, so the only people colonizing in this story is the girlfriend's family.

There are a billion Indians so it sure isn't cultural genocide either.

Don't come back with your foolishness.

WHo said anything about cultural genocide? Learn some damn history. There is an entire history of anti South Asian discrimination in the US. Racism = power and privilege. I can't with you people.