Son dating girl whose parents don’t allow her to date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

We are Asian-Americans and we don’t condone dating for our 14 year old DD. We don’t have any issues with her having close friends of the opposite sex. She hangs out with friends of both sexes. We don’t like the idea of her being exclusive with anyone at this early age. There’s an expectation that they need to be something different or more when they are ‘dating’. She has plenty of time to date later in HS and college.

If a boy’s parent approached us about their son dating out daughter, we would tell them the same.

I’m PP. For us, it’s not a racial and ethnicity, she can be friends with whomever. Our issue is age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate it if some white woman wanted me discuss my daughter's social life. I don't know you, i don't give F what you have to say. I don't know why you think this is okay.

Yeah OP is going to get a reality check if she gets involved with her parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate it if some white woman wanted me discuss my daughter's social life. I don't know you, i don't give F what you have to say. I don't know why you think this is okay.

So you would prefer not to meet the parents of your children’s friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate it if some white woman wanted me discuss my daughter's social life. I don't know you, i don't give F what you have to say. I don't know why you think this is okay.

So you would prefer not to meet the parents of your children’s friends?

I would love to meet all the parents of my child’s friends. I would not appreciate them trying to convince me to let my child date their’s if that’s my belief.

I would also genuinely appreciate them letting me know that my daughter is violating our family rule if their intent on meeting was to inform me that.

[Anonymous]

If he “doesn’t care” then he is disrespecting her parents wishes. That’s awful. They can be friends, and everything done with parent permission, or nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t allow your son to date her. You’re teaching him to disrespect his elders.

+1
I’d be disappointed in him fir not caring about her family rules

[Anonymous]

Agree that you should stay out of this, and don't think that you meeting the parents is going to somehow change their mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate it if some white woman wanted me discuss my daughter's social life. I don't know you, i don't give F what you have to say. I don't know why you think this is okay.

So you would prefer not to meet the parents of your children’s friends?

I would love to meet all the parents of my child’s friends. I would not appreciate them trying to convince me to let my child date their’s if that’s my belief.

I would also genuinely appreciate them letting me know that my daughter is violating our family rule if their intent on meeting was to inform me that.

You don’t want to meet them but you want them to let you know your kid doesn’t follow your rules?

Stay out of it OP. I never get involved with other parents unless it’s reporting a genuine life and safety issue and even then if it’s an option I’d report it to the counselor at school. If this girl is lying to her parents that is her family’s issue to sort out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t allow your son to date her. You’re teaching him to disrespect his elders.

+1
I’d be disappointed in him fir not caring about her family rules

This is bullshit. Sorry. You live by your own values not other people’s “rules”. There is a laundry list of other people’s rules that I don’t agree with and are not my problem to enforce for your kid. If you can’t manage your own kid, take a hard look at your approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate it if some white woman wanted me discuss my daughter's social life. I don't know you, i don't give F what you have to say. I don't know why you think this is okay.

So you would prefer not to meet the parents of your children’s friends?

I would love to meet all the parents of my child’s friends. I would not appreciate them trying to convince me to let my child date their’s if that’s my belief.

I would also genuinely appreciate them letting me know that my daughter is violating our family rule if their intent on meeting was to inform me that.

Definitely it would be offensive for a parent to call another to pressure them to let their daughter date. I think OP meant, explaining to the parents that perhaps they can let their daughter attend the dance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

OP I appreciate your wish for your DS and this girl not to be going behind the girl's parents' back. But ask yourself what you hope to accomplish with this offer. If the parents aren't interested in changing their no-dating rule, what next?

[Anonymous]

Stay in your lane OP.

It would be better to just be kind and supportive of the girl and your son. Don’t go around tattling on the girl to her parents.

Let them figure this out.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 teens and regularly hear about peers doing things they are not allowed to do, or things their parents wouldn’t approve of (sneaking out, cheating on schoolwork etc). I consider it to be none of my business unless it is a serious/immediate safety issue (which fortunately has never happened). This would fall in the same category for me. If my own kid is allowed to do xyz, but friend is not, that is between friend and his/her parents. Unless it is happening at my house or when I am responsible for friend (in which case obviously I would enforce parent rules).

I may be misunderstanding the purpose of meeting the parents, but if you aim to convince them to let their DD date….that would be extremely rude. I recently told one of my teens they were not allowed to attend an event I feel uncomfortable with. If their friend’s parents tried to “talk to me about this and get me to reconsider” I would be offended. Not their business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t allow your son to date her. You’re teaching him to disrespect his elders.

+1
I’d be disappointed in him fir not caring about her family rules

This is bullshit. Sorry. You live by your own values not other people’s “rules”. There is a laundry list of other people’s rules that I don’t agree with and are not my problem to enforce for your kid. If you can’t manage your own kid, take a hard look at your approach.

+1 I am absolutely not narcing on a young girl for meeting up at a dance with my son and FaceTiming. Her parents should pay more attention if they want to control her behavior in this way. It is in no way my responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't get involved. Here's one for you- my DS is gay and has a boyfriend whose parents have no idea that their son is gay.

I'm not telling them that their son is on a date with my son, when his parents think they're just friends or that maybe the kid isn't always where he says he is. I'm not enabling it, but I'm not tattling.