Son dating girl whose parents don’t allow her to date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate it if some white woman wanted me discuss my daughter's social life. I don't know you, i don't give F what you have to say. I don't know why you think this is okay.

It;s threads like these that let you know this forum is mostly white women cool moms. They assume their way is correct. They assume it's their place to educate and correct. If they just talk.They lie to themselves saying they aren't enabling bad and disrespectful behavior in their children and then try to gaslight you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate it if some white woman wanted me discuss my daughter's social life. I don't know you, i don't give F what you have to say. I don't know why you think this is okay.

Yeah OP is going to get a reality check if she gets involved with her parents.

I kind of hope OP does go through with it so she does get a reality check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

We are Asian-Americans and we don’t condone dating for our 14 year old DD. We don’t have any issues with her having close friends of the opposite sex. She hangs out with friends of both sexes. We don’t like the idea of her being exclusive with anyone at this early age. There’s an expectation that they need to be something different or more when they are ‘dating’. She has plenty of time to date later in HS and college.

If a boy’s parent approached us about their son dating out daughter, we would tell them the same.

I’m PP. For us, it’s not a racial and ethnicity, she can be friends with whomever. Our issue is age.

Speakiing of age it does not bode well that at 14 op's sone feels he has the right to do what he pleases and mom just goes along with it. He will be impossible at 16, mom will posting about if it's okay if his girlfriend spends the night in his room or if 16 is too young for spring break week. There are so many posts with out of control 14 year olds lately I wonder if it's some troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate it if some white woman wanted me discuss my daughter's social life. I don't know you, i don't give F what you have to say. I don't know why you think this is okay.

Were you born a racist piece of garbage or is it inherited?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

We are Asian-Americans and we don’t condone dating for our 14 year old DD. We don’t have any issues with her having close friends of the opposite sex. She hangs out with friends of both sexes. We don’t like the idea of her being exclusive with anyone at this early age. There’s an expectation that they need to be something different or more when they are ‘dating’. She has plenty of time to date later in HS and college.

If a boy’s parent approached us about their son dating out daughter, we would tell them the same.

I’m PP. For us, it’s not a racial and ethnicity, she can be friends with whomever. Our issue is age.

Speakiing of age it does not bode well that at 14 op's sone feels he has the right to do what he pleases and mom just goes along with it. He will be impossible at 16, mom will posting about if it's okay if his girlfriend spends the night in his room or if 16 is too young for spring break week. There are so many posts with out of control 14 year olds lately I wonder if it's some troll.

I am not PP but I do have a 14 year old son (who is not dating yet and doesn’t seem to have any interest in doing so). My 14yo son is allowed to (1) FaceTime with friends- male or female (2) see friends after school- again, male or female- for ice cream etc as long as he has asked permission and I know where he is, and (3) attend school dances. Which is what the OP’s son is also doing. My son is definitely not “out of control” 🤣 If DS’s friends have other rules or are not allowed to do the above things, that is between them and their parents and is one of my concern. If their DD is not allowed to do these things, it is their job to monitor more closely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

We are Asian-Americans and we don’t condone dating for our 14 year old DD. We don’t have any issues with her having close friends of the opposite sex. She hangs out with friends of both sexes. We don’t like the idea of her being exclusive with anyone at this early age. There’s an expectation that they need to be something different or more when they are ‘dating’. She has plenty of time to date later in HS and college.

If a boy’s parent approached us about their son dating out daughter, we would tell them the same.

I’m PP. For us, it’s not a racial and ethnicity, she can be friends with whomever. Our issue is age.

Speakiing of age it does not bode well that at 14 op's sone feels he has the right to do what he pleases and mom just goes along with it. He will be impossible at 16, mom will posting about if it's okay if his girlfriend spends the night in his room or if 16 is too young for spring break week. There are so many posts with out of control 14 year olds lately I wonder if it's some troll.

I am not PP but I do have a 14 year old son (who is not dating yet and doesn’t seem to have any interest in doing so). My 14yo son is allowed to (1) FaceTime with friends- male or female (2) see friends after school- again, male or female- for ice cream etc as long as he has asked permission and I know where he is, and (3) attend school dances. Which is what the OP’s son is also doing. My son is definitely not “out of control” 🤣 If DS’s friends have other rules or are not allowed to do the above things, that is between them and their parents and is one of my concern. If their DD is not allowed to do these things, it is their job to monitor more closely.

it's not about FaceTime it's that at 14 he is okay with blatantly helping this child break her parents rules and is okay with enlisting his mother for help. no boundaries out of control child.

And as for your assertion, it's none of your business okay. I hope you are as understanding when your son's friend's parents feel your rules are silly. and to be disregarded. and help him disobey.

[Anonymous]

I was this girl, and it was horrible for me. I think you need to pick a lane and stay in it. Say no, or let them be. It really hurts when the parents change their mind and the boy break your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

We are Asian-Americans and we don’t condone dating for our 14 year old DD. We don’t have any issues with her having close friends of the opposite sex. She hangs out with friends of both sexes. We don’t like the idea of her being exclusive with anyone at this early age. There’s an expectation that they need to be something different or more when they are ‘dating’. She has plenty of time to date later in HS and college.

If a boy’s parent approached us about their son dating out daughter, we would tell them the same.

I’m PP. For us, it’s not a racial and ethnicity, she can be friends with whomever. Our issue is age.

Speakiing of age it does not bode well that at 14 op's sone feels he has the right to do what he pleases and mom just goes along with it. He will be impossible at 16, mom will posting about if it's okay if his girlfriend spends the night in his room or if 16 is too young for spring break week. There are so many posts with out of control 14 year olds lately I wonder if it's some troll.

I am not PP but I do have a 14 year old son (who is not dating yet and doesn’t seem to have any interest in doing so). My 14yo son is allowed to (1) FaceTime with friends- male or female (2) see friends after school- again, male or female- for ice cream etc as long as he has asked permission and I know where he is, and (3) attend school dances. Which is what the OP’s son is also doing. My son is definitely not “out of control” 🤣 If DS’s friends have other rules or are not allowed to do the above things, that is between them and their parents and is one of my concern. If their DD is not allowed to do these things, it is their job to monitor more closely.

it's not about FaceTime it's that at 14 he is okay with blatantly helping this child break her parents rules and is okay with enlisting his mother for help. no boundaries out of control child.

And as for your assertion, it's none of your business okay. I hope you are as understanding when your son's friend's parents feel your rules are silly. and to be disregarded. and help him disobey.

Ironic that you tell others to mind their own business while you perorate on someone's thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it. I was this girl in high school. Let her handle it.

+1. She knows her parents. Let her handle it. I was also this girl.

Honestly, as the mom, I would prefer not to know all the details, because the lying would make me uncomfortable. Your son doesn’t need to keep you in the loop on all lies she is telling her parents.

And tell him that he should not take it personally that she isn’t telling them about him. She is trying to protect her freedom and live her life. It is not about him.

This was not an Indian immigrant, but my DD has a Middle Eastern classmate who made a (bad) joke on IG that sort of implied he was gay. It was dumb and shouldn’t have been the topic of a joke. But anyway, his parents found out and started talking about sending him back to their home country! It was a stressful few weeks for him and even now, he’s under a lot of restrictions.

**Do not think that you’ll convince her parents by talking with them. They will just get more strict and make things more challenging for the daughter. **

[Anonymous]

Immediate PP. I also recommend you just totally don’t get involved with this. Don’t sympathize with her and make it so you’re all talking about her parents. Just don’t bring it up. This relationship should run its course naturally, not because of hyped up parent drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate it if some white woman wanted me discuss my daughter's social life. I don't know you, i don't give F what you have to say. I don't know why you think this is okay.

Yeah OP is going to get a reality check if she gets involved with her parents.

Why is everyone assuming it’s a white woman? Could be anyone who’s not Indian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

They won't allow her to date your son, it's often cultural so don't be offended. Don't get involved or your kid will blame you.

Funny, if Op's son were/is white and she said she did not want him dating someone who is Indian, you would call her a racist. It would not be cultural. What a F g joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. He has a big school dance coming up and asked a sweet girl, who happens to be Indian and has strict parents. Her parents apparently don’t know she is going to the dance or that she is “dating” DS. Dating for them so far means meeting for ice cream after school and FaceTiming late at night.

Do I do anything?? I don’t like that she’s lying to her parents. He says she’s frustrated and doesn’t care. I will be meeting her in person tomorrow and plan to offer to meet her parents with DS. What else should I do?

They won't allow her to date your son, it's often cultural so don't be offended. Don't get involved or your kid will blame you.

Funny, if Op's son were/is white and she said she did not want him dating someone who is Indian, you would call her a racist. It would not be cultural. What a F g joke.

No, they don’t want their daughter dating anyone in high school. My parents were the same. They love their white SIL now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate it if some white woman wanted me discuss my daughter's social life. I don't know you, i don't give F what you have to say. I don't know why you think this is okay.

It;s threads like these that let you know this forum is mostly white women cool moms. They assume their way is correct. They assume it's their place to educate and correct. If they just talk.They lie to themselves saying they aren't enabling bad and disrespectful behavior in their children and then try to gaslight you.

The girl is the one lying and sneaking and not following her family’s rules. She’s the one being disrespectful to her parents, not the boy.

[Anonymous]

This is absolutely between the girl and her parents. It should not be up to your 14-year-old son to interpret and enforce another family’s rules. It doesn’t sound like your kid is doing anything wrong (I read from your comments that the girl doesn’t care what her parents think not that your kid doesn’t care), and is just trying to understand how to navigate a challenging situation. I think you need to stay out of this as well, other than giving him good guidance on this situation perhaps being a nonstarter.